The Curse Of April Part III Family Matters

See a trend in my titles?

Well, on Friday, my nan tells me she has to go to hospital in 2 weeks for a mammogram.

There's a possibility that she may have breast cancer again.

She first had it in the early to mid 80's. At the time I was rather young and to be honest I don't remember any of it but obviously the subject does pop up over the years. Where she had her breast removed she has found a new lump. She has known about it months and only told her GP about it on Friday so was booked a follow up appointment within 2 weeks to find out more.

It could be the hardening of the old tissue from the previous op rather than cancer but we won't know until early May.

Of course I am concerned but not in a panic like I was with my other nan. As far as I was aware of my other nan, who died of cancer just over 2 years ago (In April no less) had always appeared well, had never told us how serious things were so to find out she was really ill in the last two weeks came as a real shock when she died so soon after.

This nan on the other hand has been through so much more but she won't be beaten. I know this can't go on forever but she's done so well. At 77, she has beaten two types of cancer, breast and cervical, has type 2 diabetes, angina, is on almost every tablet under the sun but she keeps on going. I'm trying to remain positive.

Things like this always stir up family issues with me. My nan is the person in my family I have always been closest to.

I've always been closer to this nan, more so than my own mum. Ok, I admit it, a GIANT amount more so than my mum.

I've never had a real close bond with my mum. When I was young she used to work evenings so I would see more of my dad than my mum. As I grew older, things didn't improve that much. I did my own thing, had my friends and like most teenagers I spent most of my time in my room or at my nans who lived a 5 minute walk away.

My mum has never seemed to make much of an effort or appeared that interested in anything I do or want from life. She just seems to sit back and do nothing about life and expects everyone to do the same.

My mum didn't appear to be happy any time something big in my life has happened. She's been fine but never shown any interest in anything like that. She recently upset me when I offered to take her to the shop where my wedding dress is coming from to show her my dress on. She blatantly wasn't interested and that did upset me. Alot. I feel like I run an uphill struggle with my family sometimes. No-one tells me anything and I don't feel included on so many points. I'm always the last to hear that someone is ill or that there's any form of problem and to be honest, it makes me shut myself away further.

There's not wanting to impose on your grown up childs life, then theres not having any idea of what they do, what they want, who they are sometimes.

My mum only works 5 minutes drive from here and we only see her once a week for half an hour unless we go to her house. Matthew gets picked up and dropped off on a Tuesday when he goes for tea at nanny's but other than that, we dont see her or my dad. There just seems to be no effort to go out of her way for anything. It's always us making the effort to go there so the two little ones can see their grandparents. She does drive, so it's not like she can't get anywhere.

It's her birthday in a couple of weeks and I will have her and my dad round for dinner like I do every year. I do it for both. So they come round twice a year for dinner and the afternoon. We have NEVER been invited there for dinner. Since I've been with bf, we had christmas dinner there once. Not a single other invite. I even cook all the christmas tea for her every year we've been.

I feel closer to my future mother in law as she does do things for us. She's currently making me a dress for a party next week, she's making the bridesmaid dresses. And I've even asked if she can make me a special dress to take on my honeymoon after the wedding that she has agreed to.

Of course, my mum is my mum and I love her regardless, I just hope I don't do the same things with my boys in the future and learn from these feelings.