Every now and then life tends to slow down.
This year feels it's been a year of waiting.
As much as I say time goes far too fast at times, there are other times when it feels like it just isn't going fast enough.
We are in the process of waiting for a little longer.
Matthew has to attend a childrens psychiatric unit tomorrow to be fully assessed by an ADHD specialist. They should be able to get to the bottom of his ADHD difficulties, give us a clearer diagnosis of how severe it is or isn't and probably offer a great deal of advice. Whilst I expect them to tell us what we have already done and are in the process of doing, I am mostly hoping they will be able to explain a bit more about ADHD to Matthew and give HIM tips to make life easier on him.
ALOT of the time I feel a terrible mother. I know a lot of kids don't listen to their parents but I feel like I am continuously telling the boy off. If I'm not telling him off I am shouting at him because I am frustrated that by the SIXTH time I've requested he do something or stop doing something and he still hasn't done it. I feel at times my patience is truly stretched; Other times, I feel incredibly guilty that I am simply not understanding enough to his needs and I feel like I am letting him down by not being supportive enough.
I know Matthew cannot help the way he is. he cannot help that he finds it hard to follow instructions, to sit still, to follow certain patterns, to concentrate on things that don't interest him, to complete tasks set before him but as a parent to two younger children it can be very hard to remain sane at times.
I want to help Matthew as much as possible but at 8 years old he needs to be learning skills on becoming a little more independent. Also, with two younger children, I don't want to neglect them by putting Matthews needs first. It's a very delicate balancing act and something that makes me feel crap about it whatever I do.
I have been feeling a little down the past couple of weeks, not just about Matthew and ADHD, we have Liams keyhole op coming up at the end of next week too which is playing on my mind a little. The weather has been absolutely poo for several weeks with rain most days so we can't get outside and do as much as I would like and hubby has been working a fair bit. So, I think I am just feeling like I am holding the house and kids together but losing a bit of "Me" in the process. However, I need to make time for me sometimes. I've had my hair cut in the last week, I've got some dye to give it a healthy colour and shine, I have a new mascara and I am growing my nails yet again.
I know I am always saying I am growing my nails but with kids, there becomes a point where long nails are more than just inconvenient, they are completely unworkable so I cut them really short. However, with the hair done and the nails looking better (I'll soon buy myself a nice new nail varnish) then maybe a little self pampering is what I've been missing out on. I just need to feel confident in myself again.
I'm never going to be happy with my weight whatever I do. I always hit walls where I don't seem to shift one way or another for a long long time. So, I am trying to stop obsessing about my body image and just live healthily. If I lose weight I will be incredibly happy but if I don't I need to learn body acceptance. I'm fed up of trying and achieving close to nothing. I need to just learn how to feel happy with myself a little more.
So, I am looking forward to this week and next week being over, I am tired of waiting for appointments in hospitals. I just want my little boys to be seen to and know where these issues are going then maybe I can begin to relax a little more. I'm fed up of feeling tense and stressed out for now.
This year feels it's been a year of waiting.
As much as I say time goes far too fast at times, there are other times when it feels like it just isn't going fast enough.
We are in the process of waiting for a little longer.
Matthew has to attend a childrens psychiatric unit tomorrow to be fully assessed by an ADHD specialist. They should be able to get to the bottom of his ADHD difficulties, give us a clearer diagnosis of how severe it is or isn't and probably offer a great deal of advice. Whilst I expect them to tell us what we have already done and are in the process of doing, I am mostly hoping they will be able to explain a bit more about ADHD to Matthew and give HIM tips to make life easier on him.
ALOT of the time I feel a terrible mother. I know a lot of kids don't listen to their parents but I feel like I am continuously telling the boy off. If I'm not telling him off I am shouting at him because I am frustrated that by the SIXTH time I've requested he do something or stop doing something and he still hasn't done it. I feel at times my patience is truly stretched; Other times, I feel incredibly guilty that I am simply not understanding enough to his needs and I feel like I am letting him down by not being supportive enough.
I know Matthew cannot help the way he is. he cannot help that he finds it hard to follow instructions, to sit still, to follow certain patterns, to concentrate on things that don't interest him, to complete tasks set before him but as a parent to two younger children it can be very hard to remain sane at times.
I want to help Matthew as much as possible but at 8 years old he needs to be learning skills on becoming a little more independent. Also, with two younger children, I don't want to neglect them by putting Matthews needs first. It's a very delicate balancing act and something that makes me feel crap about it whatever I do.
I have been feeling a little down the past couple of weeks, not just about Matthew and ADHD, we have Liams keyhole op coming up at the end of next week too which is playing on my mind a little. The weather has been absolutely poo for several weeks with rain most days so we can't get outside and do as much as I would like and hubby has been working a fair bit. So, I think I am just feeling like I am holding the house and kids together but losing a bit of "Me" in the process. However, I need to make time for me sometimes. I've had my hair cut in the last week, I've got some dye to give it a healthy colour and shine, I have a new mascara and I am growing my nails yet again.
I know I am always saying I am growing my nails but with kids, there becomes a point where long nails are more than just inconvenient, they are completely unworkable so I cut them really short. However, with the hair done and the nails looking better (I'll soon buy myself a nice new nail varnish) then maybe a little self pampering is what I've been missing out on. I just need to feel confident in myself again.
I'm never going to be happy with my weight whatever I do. I always hit walls where I don't seem to shift one way or another for a long long time. So, I am trying to stop obsessing about my body image and just live healthily. If I lose weight I will be incredibly happy but if I don't I need to learn body acceptance. I'm fed up of trying and achieving close to nothing. I need to just learn how to feel happy with myself a little more.
So, I am looking forward to this week and next week being over, I am tired of waiting for appointments in hospitals. I just want my little boys to be seen to and know where these issues are going then maybe I can begin to relax a little more. I'm fed up of feeling tense and stressed out for now.
This post spoke to me. I know what you mean about sometimes feeling inadequate as a parent and about losing yourself a little. Most of all I can relate to the bit about body image and weight loss. I know for my health I need to shed quite a few, but am also tired of feeling so crummy about it. You're definitely not alone!
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