So I have now done my first month on the pill. It hasn't been too bad. I certainly feel like Aunt Flo is due a visit. I feel heavy in my lower regions, my back has that niggling ache and I feel like I am retaining water. (not to mention I have gained 3lb this week - all related if you ask me) I finished my pack on Sunday but with the go ahead from my GP, I have started a new pack and will take another pill tomorrow as it is recommended that AF is not in attendance at my swab testing tomorrow. I've only delayed it 5 days but hope that this will be a success. I have heard so much differing stories about people coming off the depo. Some it takes months to get a system back to any AF visits whatsoever even those controlling it by the pill but I am optimistic my body will do what it should as I feel ready, my body feels ready.
I am also experiencing another slight side effect from those leaving behind the depo. Paranoia!
Paranoia that I am part of the 0.00001% of women that fall pregnant within the first month of being off the depo when they have been on it for longer than 2 years. I feel like AF is due, but those symptoms are often the first symptoms of a baby on board.
Speaking of which, I had the most vivid dream in a while last night.
I had another baby.
Another little boy.
It was not really a dream about pregnancy. Nope, much further advanced than that. Very heavily pregnant and more so a birth dream. Itwas so vivid I sort of recalled the real pain of birth for the first time in a long time.
It could be the niggling back and lower tummy pains that feel like very much like pregnancy discomfort and slight labour pains but it bought back a lot of lovely memories. The newness and joy babies bring to families.
There's a whole number of things making me feel reminiscent. Reading pregnancy blogs, friends having babies, being more aware of my own fertility in the changing of birth control and removing baby things from the house bring about so many memories so it's little wonder that this could play on my subconcious mind.
I don't particularly yearn for another baby, but I had forgotten so much the dream re-awakened. in me.
As an avid dream interpreter and having been interested in dream analysis for many years, I see the dream as a positive omen.
Birth signifies new beginnings, new hopes, new paths in life. All in a good way. This year hasn't been one of the best as I recall, there's not been anything particularly wrong but nothing particularly right about it either. Whereas pregnancy in a dream (for the non pregnant-which I am assuming/hoping is my case) is that the ideas for change are in motion, birth actually means that things are changing.
I feel life is stuck in a bit of a rut and as much as I want to make the odd change with things here and there, family commitments and support come first with me. I suppose I have also been suffering from a touch of anxiety that I am trying to dig myself out of. STUPID things that shouldn't be bothering me have been bothering me and some aspects of things in the news sets my mind on a crazy cycle of what the worst case scenario will be. It's not that I am a negative person at all but unintentional worries are hard to shake off. This is why I feel I haven't been sleeping so well and anyone who goes for a period with less sleep than they need will face difficulties in some way. It's felt like a repetitive cycle which has been hard to shake off but hopefully after 3 good nights sleep in a row, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Things are moving forward all the time but as the kids grow it feels the system is getting much slower. This week I removed the downstairs stair gate. We will keep the upstairs one for another year or so until the little boys are dry at night and confident using the upstairs bathroom without fear of them falling down the stairs during the night or going downstairs themselves unaccompanied when they are up at silly 'o' clock
in the morning.
But you know, it's more and more evident there are no babies in the house anymore. While I find it sad it's also exciting. With the kids growing up there is so much more we can do as a family.
Maybe I am a little broody but I love life as it is. I'm done with having babies and have to keep reminding myself of that. haha. I just want to concentrate on the 3 beautiful lads that I have
I am also experiencing another slight side effect from those leaving behind the depo. Paranoia!
Paranoia that I am part of the 0.00001% of women that fall pregnant within the first month of being off the depo when they have been on it for longer than 2 years. I feel like AF is due, but those symptoms are often the first symptoms of a baby on board.
Speaking of which, I had the most vivid dream in a while last night.
I had another baby.
Another little boy.
It was not really a dream about pregnancy. Nope, much further advanced than that. Very heavily pregnant and more so a birth dream. Itwas so vivid I sort of recalled the real pain of birth for the first time in a long time.
It could be the niggling back and lower tummy pains that feel like very much like pregnancy discomfort and slight labour pains but it bought back a lot of lovely memories. The newness and joy babies bring to families.
There's a whole number of things making me feel reminiscent. Reading pregnancy blogs, friends having babies, being more aware of my own fertility in the changing of birth control and removing baby things from the house bring about so many memories so it's little wonder that this could play on my subconcious mind.
I don't particularly yearn for another baby, but I had forgotten so much the dream re-awakened. in me.
As an avid dream interpreter and having been interested in dream analysis for many years, I see the dream as a positive omen.
Birth signifies new beginnings, new hopes, new paths in life. All in a good way. This year hasn't been one of the best as I recall, there's not been anything particularly wrong but nothing particularly right about it either. Whereas pregnancy in a dream (for the non pregnant-which I am assuming/hoping is my case) is that the ideas for change are in motion, birth actually means that things are changing.
I feel life is stuck in a bit of a rut and as much as I want to make the odd change with things here and there, family commitments and support come first with me. I suppose I have also been suffering from a touch of anxiety that I am trying to dig myself out of. STUPID things that shouldn't be bothering me have been bothering me and some aspects of things in the news sets my mind on a crazy cycle of what the worst case scenario will be. It's not that I am a negative person at all but unintentional worries are hard to shake off. This is why I feel I haven't been sleeping so well and anyone who goes for a period with less sleep than they need will face difficulties in some way. It's felt like a repetitive cycle which has been hard to shake off but hopefully after 3 good nights sleep in a row, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Things are moving forward all the time but as the kids grow it feels the system is getting much slower. This week I removed the downstairs stair gate. We will keep the upstairs one for another year or so until the little boys are dry at night and confident using the upstairs bathroom without fear of them falling down the stairs during the night or going downstairs themselves unaccompanied when they are up at silly 'o' clock
in the morning.
But you know, it's more and more evident there are no babies in the house anymore. While I find it sad it's also exciting. With the kids growing up there is so much more we can do as a family.
Maybe I am a little broody but I love life as it is. I'm done with having babies and have to keep reminding myself of that. haha. I just want to concentrate on the 3 beautiful lads that I have
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