The Summons In Short

Whilst it is incredibly clear that having kids can be the absolute best thing to happen in life, we tend to glaze over the bad days and ignore the fact that often, having kids and being a parent is the most stressful job in the world. Most of the time you get no praise, no thank you's and no pay for your time and effort.

Once school age, you hear more about your childrens problems and failings over what they are actually good at and can do and at times, it can really leave you questioning your parenting style and feeling like something of a failure.

The meeting with Matthews teacher and headteacher last week didn't go quite as planned. I was under the impression that we were going in to talk about Matthews temper and general behaviour. I didn't expect halfway through the meeting to be told that Matthew is very down on himself in school, has low self esteem in class and has told friends he'd be better off dead and he wants to die. This was all complete news to me and sounds the polar opposite of the bouncy cheerful football mad boy we see at home. Matthew is the last kid I would say has confidence issues but upon talking about the matter, he feels that he isn't good at his school work, he finds it a struggle and seems to work better with one on one teaching as he focusses better. This year they have been learning to play the violin. Matthew HATES it and he says he feels useless with it and that the teacher always seems to tell him off and no-one else. She is a music teacher bought in from outside but with his own teachers present, they say the problem is the focus. Matthew doesn't like it so he doesn't try quite so hard. He is not being picked out singularly but Matthew seems to think the world is against him. He is not enjoying football like he used to because of the same issues. If he makes a mistake he says the other kids are hard on him and upset him, again making him feel worthless and fed up that he can't enjoy his favourite thing when in school.

All the issues both Matthew and his teachers mentioned were WITHIN school. They don't see him out of school and I explained that Matthew was alot calmer since he changed his diet and that maybe because he was having less sugar, he didn't feel so confident and happy as he is no longer this hyperactive boy that he once was.

Regarding the "wanting to die" remarks, we've put that down to attention. It sounds wrong but Matthew knows how to get a reaction when he tries to shock people. If he's feeling a bit down at school he normally comes home as the perfectly normal Matthew that I know and love. It came as a big shock to hear he was so unhappy in school.

Matthew is still as dis-organised as ever and is feeling a bit left behind the other kids as he feels he can't keep up and he doesn't have many friends in his class.

I am so much wanting to help him but as the issues are in school and I feel should be tackled a little better and harder by his teachers, I feel so helpless in how I can help him defeat this problem. He IS happy at home and we've even given him a little makeover this weekend complete with new hair, uniform and some body spray so at least we KNOW he is going into school happy and confident to start the day.

Depression runs in my family and his dad was known for swinging from one mood to another so it could be hereditary. It wasn't that long back my cousin tried to commit suicide. I've never talked about it in front of Matthew however, my nan doesn't seem to think about what she says in front of the kids and she hasn't been happy for a while. She still goes on about how it would have been better if she went instead of my grandad and how she feels it would be better if she just went to bed one night and didn't wake up. She has been very low of late and does say she wants to die. THIS is where I feel Matthews problems are stemming from. I don't want to stop visiting my nan and I don't know how to approach this subject with her when she is already feeling down and I don't want to look like I am directly accusing her of inappropriate dialect in the presence of Matthew as I don't want to make her take on a feeling of guilt on top of everything else. Yet I can't let Matthew be subjected to this if it's what is causing the problems. We've decided to stop his sleepovers there now as a precaution. She loves having him, he loves staying but we don't know what is said when we aren't there. We already know he stays up late there and she lets him watch tv that we class as inappropriate for his age and mental maturity so we haven't told her or Matthew that sleepovers are no longer allowed, we will just find excuses why he can't for a while.

In other news, James and Liam are both still behind on their speech. James more so than Liam. James doesn't like talking, he doesn't like loud noises. James also tends to whine and whisper so we are being referred to the schools health visitor to try and help. Again, his confidence is low when it comes to speaking and he doesn't like being put on the spot and being under pressure when asked questions he needs to respond to verbally.

Liam is getting better by the week, his words are loud and clear but he still doesn't talk in clear sentences. He prefers to skip words and say his own thing which is my Liam 100%. We're due another meeting with the speech therapist as I have the letter to make an appointment.

I feel like I am under permanent surveillance with the kids at the moment and that no matter what I do people are looking upon me as a bad mother for not getting these issues fixed.

I know that probably most parents have at least one issue with every child they have but it just all seems to be all 3 happening at once and I feel like I am a bit of a failure for not being able to get them to progress like the school wants them to. They all have individual time with me, they all get family group time and beyond that I don't know what else I can physically do and fear that the school don't realise just how hard we do try as a family.

I know kids will all progress and do things at different times but I do feel like I am under a lot of scrutiny at the moment as to how I perform as a mum. Of course, I don't let the kids (or the husband) see my insecurities and that's why I am writing this post now.

Hopefully, it's just a bad month and if not better by next month, then we can all start fresh and breezy for the new school year in September.