Reflection

Every now and then, I am just in awe of this world.

As much as you hope for good things, it sometimes just dawns on you that you are incredibly lucky.

If someone had told me 10 years ago, I'd be happily married with 3 kids living in the country side I would have laughed.

Actually, no, I wouldn't have laughed. I'd have burst into tears and thought how the fuck could that be possible when I feel so desperate and alone in the world.

I was no good to myself or any of those around me.

Firstly because I was married to my ex at the time. I couldn't imagine us having a long future. 

Secondly as this was close to the time we first properly separated just 6 months after we married. I think this was part of the "working it out" phase.

Thirdly because I was far from happy. I had my baby boy, he was all that mattered but the two options in front of me at that time were a real case of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Misery of being a single parent looked likely but the thought of continuing an emotionally battering, controlling marriage wasn't any better an option. Whatever I did, I felt damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

10 years ago life was a struggle.

10 years ago I was more lost than ever.

So to have found the strength to get away from an "abusive" relationship, to have taken a big step into the crazy world out there just over a year later was a revelation.

A revelation that life can be as good as you want it to be.

You just have to be brave to make that step.

Moving on was hard, rediscovering myself was exciting and stressful at the same time. But I kept strong, kept my head held high and was happy for the first time in a long long time.

Then I met hubby and it all snowballed in a happy way I'd never felt before.

Things have been settled for 4 years in our little country home, my husband works hard, looks after us all and our 3 sons are beautiful and overall we are all fit and healthy.

THIS is all what matters in life.

Some people would not be happy with the genteelness of Happy Ever After, they have to create their own dramas, they don't feel secure, they don't feel happy with what they have. Some people have to have all the drama and that isn't me.

I'd much rather blend into society, put my family first and let life roll by around me.

I think I've found my Inner Peace.