Positive Thinking.

It's funny how once you have children, the most simple things in life become the biggest of luxuries.

Namely the magic of a long hot bath.

I could bath and relax in the evenings but it's always a rush and it seems a waste to go to sleep afterwards. However,I have started to have an hour to myself in the mornings. Pup goes in her basket, the kids go in their room for a nap or play time. I just switch off and enjoy the time alone. The peace and quiet.

It's strange to think that we are so near the end of yet another year. Thoughts are turning to christmas. My goal for christmas is 14lbs off.

It's not going to be easy but I am going to give it my best.  It's less than 2.5lbs per week so I could do it comfortable. Let's give it a go.

I am feeling rather good right now, I just want to look better and be that little more happier within my own skin.

I've been asking for some beauty gifts on my list to Santa this year. I would like some new hair straighteners, make up, skin creams etc. I would also like foody gifts, a coffee maker, flavoured oils, a griddle pan. From my husband I think I would like a special piece of jewellery (probably a necklace) to commemorate our first christmas together as a married couple. I suppose I am an old traditionalist on things like that. However I have no idea what to get him. It doesn't get any easier. What I need is a day without him looking round shops to get ideas. Easier said than done since our nearest town is on the small side.

I am back to my other old obsession of Underwear. I really feel that a new underwear spending spree is in order. I am back to a better size so I can wear nicer undergarments again. M&S here in the UK always has a great range for all shapes and sizes at an affordable price for something that lasts. I do think I need some time in there to treat myself - and hubby ;). I might even give him a christmas challenge.  A "Here's your budget, here's my sizes/measurements - Surprise me!" type challenge. I am flexibe and up for some fun so it could be good for us newlyweds. And if I am a couple of inches smaller or more toned by Christmas then all the better.

Breathe In, Breathe Out.............

So somehow, this beautiful little boy is now 2. He never ceases to amaze me.

The happiest of souls, James is always smiling or singing.

His vocabulary is growing by the day, even if much of it is contributed by kids tv.

He is learning all the time. He can count to 5 at the moment and will ask for specific things.

He's a smart little cookie already.

He is creative loving nothing more than his chalkboard and chalks, or playing with his trains. He is forever taking apart the tracks and trying to put them together in a different way. This can cause the odd bit of frustration in a boy, but he is learning all the time.

When I last posted, I was having a particularly crap day with the kids and dog. I see myself as a realist blogger. I don't just blog on the sugar and sweetness of life with kids and a family, I am true enough to admit that some days are just too much to bear. I had a few days of stresses that had built up. The kids were hyper, the dog was crazy and causing at least one child to cry whenever she spent more than 5 seconds in the room with them. The little nips and cuts on the kids were far too evident and I need a break from time to time. I'm only human too. I was feeling cut off from friends who had cancelled plans on me last weekend and I was incredibly pissed off. The more I thought about things, the more I hated life. The more I thought about things, the more I felt like I was just living for everyone but myself and failing at keeping anyone happy.

When I do get on a downer, it does tend to spiral quickly.

It all came to a head later the day of said post when I yelled at the kids and dog so much I burst into tears.......

On three very separate occassions......

In the space of an hour..............

I then spent the next two hours apologising to the kids for being such a shit mother and telling them they deserved better than me before sending the kids to bed.

When I tried to speak to hubby about it when he got home from work I was still close to tears explaining how much of a failure I feel that I couldn't cope with kids and a puppy. I'd already said to him earlier in the week that I was feeling stressed and that I had a feeling that my blood pressure was high. At times I could feel it rising! I even half joked that at this rate, I wouldn't be allowed my contraceptive injection in 2 weeks if things didn't calm down. 

My meltdown afternoon did appear to do the trick and I have been feeling much brighter since that awful afternoon.

It wasn't all bad I suppose. I rid myself of frustrations, cleared my mind and was able to get out what I ahad been bottling up.

ALSO, somehow, despite 2 takeaways and eating half my weight in chocolate and chocolate biscuits, I miraculously lost 4lb between Saturday and Wednesday. So, with that in mind, it's kicked me back into watching what I eat now and with the exercise I get daily, I am trying to boost my self esteem with losing weight again. I said to hubby the other day my jeans felt looser on my thighs again so it is noticable in my clothes if not in appearance. So maybe a couple of weeks stress was what I needed to get on the straight and narrow again.

Rosie is FINALLY beginning to calm down. I haven't seen a fresh scratch on any of the kids for a few days. This is blatantly a step forward!

She is doing well with the toilet training, We do still wake up to puddles and she does take some persuasion to go outside when it's as cold and wet as it is right now.

So things are getting there.

Invisible

That's the long and short of how I feel right now.

No-one seems to notice or care how I feel right now.

I'm fed up being let down and just being treated like I don't exist. What does it take for someone, anyone to realise how stressed I am.

I am more than just a mum to 3 boys......

.........or at least I used to be

Now James is 2

 My baking skills are coming on in leaps and bounds.

This is the third time I have attempted this cake. Once as a trial for Liams birthday, then as Liams birthday cake now as James's birthday cake. Each time there has been a different variation.

This cake was still a luxurious chocolate sponge with a chocolate fudge frosting. Yet it differed since it was filled with whipped double cream and decorated with shavings of dark, milk and white chocolate.

Yum yum.

Needless to say the birthday boy enjoyed a HUGE slice. He appeared to really enjoy it.

As I always say, my birth stories are perfect birth stories and therefor are far from entertaining but should be a message of hope for all mums to be.

James was born early morning on November the first. The day before we had been out shopping, had a busy day and took Matthew trick or treating. I went to bed around 10 as I was tired,

I woke up for the normal toilet trip around 4am. My waters broke whilst I was on the toilet leading to immediate contractions. I arrived at hospital around 5am, he was born before 6am. We left hospital at 8am and at 8.30 I woke up Matthew telling him there was a surprise waiting for him downstairs. He was amazed to find he had a little brother.

James has been more or less perfect since then. We have no signs of the terrible twos just yet. He is the most gentle and loving little boy. He is always first to give things to his little brother and is the most cheerful little soul.

He had a great day yesterday with toys, cards and lunch out with a cheese spread and ham sandwich followed by a big cake for tea. He even got to stay up late.

We didn't do anything for Halloween at all this year. We always allowed Matthew to dress up and go trick or treating previous years but since we only really know where 2 families live, we decided to give it a miss this year. Only 2 groups of kids visited as well, so since we're the quiet end of the village, we didn't get many roun either only the really local kids.

Rosie is coming on in leaps and bounds. She isn't nipping quite so often and responds well to my "No" command and has begun to sit out the way when she gets told off. She will also now use the paper we put down for puddles and best of all, she will go to the toilet outside. I try to get her out for 5 minutes every 2 hours to get her used to it. As soon as we get up, she goes out and last thing before bed she does too. She is getting the routine of it which is really good. We just need to get her to tell us when she wants to go out.

Whilst the nipping is getting less, poor little Liam had a rather nasty scratch last night. She did get hold of him and he really was hurt. The cut wasn't that bad but I got him seen at the doctors surgery this morning just to check he was up to date with all his tetanus and so on. The nurse just said to keep an eye on the scratch for signs of infection. We're back there on Thursday as it will be time for Liams MMR jab and then he's finished with jabs until pre-school.

Settling In

Rosie has settled in really well. She was a little upset when she left her mother yesterday and had a little cry for about half the journey home. She appeared scared leaving the house but soon cuddled into me and let me assure her on the car journey. By the time she reached home, she was a quiet but calm little pup. We gave her a bowl of her food and she didn't seem overly interested but was very keen to have a drink of water.

 The kids made a fuss of her immediately and she seems to have already formed a strong bond with Liam. She can be nippy with us all, but Liam seems to be getting the brunt of it. He also gets the majority of the licks and the waggy tail behaviour as well so Liam is more than a little confused by the puppy and what she actually wants.

Rosie is very quickly getting the hang of the command "No!".

Rosie is a 6 week old border collie cross, her mother was crossed with another gentle charactered dog and her dad was a pure collie.

We got her as being semi paper trained (meaning she will sometimes go to the toilet on paper) but she hasn't done that here yet. She has however, been to the toilet outside twice. Yesterday and last night she seemed terrified of being outside. But I've percevered today and took her out twice and got her playing with a football so she was enjoying herself. And both times, a toilet movement was made so we are already making progress in less than 24 hours of having her.

We were originally going to call her Poppy then I realised what a popular name it was for female dogs so we I went with our my second choice of Rosie. We I did want a particularly girly name since I am heavily outnumbered by males in this household.

Speaking of names, after 14 years of being top, Jack is no longer the most popular boys name in the UK. Oliver has overtaken as 2009's top name for baby boys. All I can say is that whilst James Jack and Liam Oliver are obviously amazing names, I think I did right having them as middle names rather than firsts. By 2018 it is estimated 1 in 5 boys in secondary schools will be named Jack or Oliver, I can see lots of those names on lists with surname initials next to them. Matthew is already Matthew T to not be confused with Matthew D at school, then there's Jack B, Jack P, Jack T and Jack Y that he went to pre-school with spread about between the two schools where we used to live. Not to mention any that may have been in other pre-schools that have been combined. It just seems strange. Similarly, Olivia is the most popular girls name.

Anyone interested in the full list can look here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/oct/27/baby-names-children-oliver-olivia

Yesterday I finally got my haircut, I'm not 100% sure on it just yet. I don't hate it, but its taking a bit of getting used to.

It is nice to have a style again and to have a neck, I'm just going to have to get used to it over the next few days.

Liam still isn't walking but he is pulling himself up on absolutely everything and getting his balance. It must only be a matter of time now.

Rosie

This my dear friends, is the newest family member.

Meet Rosie.

Have You Guessed What It Is Yet?

We've had a very busy weekend. We've been buying things for our newest family member. On Friday we had a viewing of a puppy in a nearby town. We're getting her on Friday. She will be 6 weeks old and is the most adorable little canine I've ever seen. She is a Border Collie cross and very much resembles this little pup at the back on the right. The only difference being that she has a brundle coat (brown/black instead of plain black) alongside the white.

This is the actual litter she is from and I think we have the one on the left. I'm not 100% sure as I can't see the face and this was 3 weeks ago so she has changed and has a real little personality now. She was such a loving adorable little thing, I held her and she was licking me the entire time. Beautiful.

It's been a busy weekend in all. Saturday we were out replacing the new PS3 we bought on Friday. We found it didn't work when asked to download updates, so we went out to get a replacement. The new one works lovely. I think I prefer it to the Wii. We have Little Big Planet that the kids love and a football game for Matthew while hubby is giving a few demos a try before we purchase any more.

Yesterday we spent part of the day in Colchester. We had a look around the town and toy shops for James birthday present. My little boy will be 2 this time next week!!!! We also visited my grandparents. Matthew had a sleepover at my mums last night but she was working so we dropped him with my grandparents for my mum to pick him up from there. He loves sleepovers at nanny's. He was really excited about going. We then went to another shop and picked part of James's present. He currently loves Peppa Pig, he has a little train which we've allowed him to have now since he sobbed when we took it away and a whole vehicle set that will be wrapped and given out on his birthday.

Peppa Train

Peppas Vehicles.

I do think he will enjoy his birthday. I will be baking a cake again. I am getting to be really quite a baking Queen.

Sadly, a busy weekend means the house is not quite the state I want it to be in, so housework calls and a little shopping needs to be done.

Have I Ever Said How Much I Love Those Little Boys Of Mine

I was so proud of Matthew on Tuesday.

After writing about his parents evening that occurred on Monday night in this blog, he comes home from school sits and the table and starts work on his writing straight away. I was so pleased with him! He really is trying and I really admire that. When he tries like that then I am all the more for helping him.

Liam is a funny little character right now. He is changing so much so quickly and really coming into his own. He FINALLY managed to stand himself up in his cot last night. All by himself he has worked out how to grab on and get to his feet. He looked so happy. So proud of himself, he had the biggest smile on his face I have ever seen, with his face slightly screwed up there was an added element of cheekiness as he showed me just what a clever boy he is. He also stood himself up in the bath for the first time too. I do have to give it to my kids for trying. Although I have always been aware that he is a little slower in development than his big brothers, I am even more aware that there's no "normal" when it comes to children. If he is going to be a little slower than his brothers at standing and learning to walk, then so be it. He will do it when HE is ready. In a way, I am glad he isn't yet walking. There'd be no baby element left. He would be a fully fledged toddler and a little more independent and make me a little more redundant.

I love seeing my kids grow. Seeing the boys alter in looks, becoming smarter, becoming more confident in their own ablities is a wonder in itself.

James is a cheerful, though thoughtful little soul. He is such a tidy boy it's beyond belief. He loves clearing up.

On Tuesdays we go along to the sing-a-long toddler group. James will happily play with the bells, tambourines and shaker instruments. He will often empty them all out over the floor, pass them around to the other kids and make his music whilst everyone else sings. He is always the first to start putting things away and will do the majority of filling the music bag once the session is over. He is so good. Liam also loves the little group. He will join in some of the songs by way of a little dance, or just sit and clap his hands at the songs he likes. This is all the more fun when you have a set of bells secured to your wrist.  The kids always get to choose thier favourite songs. For James we always have "The Wheels On The Bus" and Liam loves to join in with "Row Your Boat." He has always loved this as we've played it together since he was born more or less and he still gets the giggles with the back and forth motions.

Yesterday we went to collect Matthew from school. Liam was exceptionally happy. Excitable if the truth be told. Grinning all the way up the road, shouting out, clapping his hands - he really was in a super super mood. I have never seen him this excited. As we got to the church where the sing-a-long play group is held he shouted out really loud and then he began to cry as we walked straight past. He is recognising routines and places very easily and was heartbroken when we didn't go into the place he loves to spend an afternoon. I felt so bad for him! Bless him. He wanted a repeat of Tuesday. It's not on next week since the older kids are off school but we will be going every Tuesday now I see how much my little darlings love this half hour once per week.

I've decided that as soon as money isn't an issue I am going for the chop.

This type of chop!

I have found that in the last 12 months, life has changed quite a bit. I am now a married 30 something mother of 3. I want something to show that. I want a style and I want something funky enough to show I am still young despite the kids, I am not ready to slope into middle age just yet. So I want something cute and choppy.

I may even do the blonde since I entered an online giveaway and thought I'd give the blond a try if I won. The first 10,000 to apply would win a hair colour of thier choice so I thought why not.

I have already thought of the practicalities of getting all my hair chopped off and been looking around for hats to get through the winter months. So I will be treating myself to a nice little wooly number to cover the ears in the near future-hopefully tomorrow as it's so cold right now.

I am also a little obsessed with finding a good pair of boots with heels that are suitable for me to do the school run with. I hate flats but I will not be able to do 2 hours walking a day in 3inch heels. This is proving to be rather a challenge,