Since Facebook refuses to work this morning, here's a little update on the family.

The bro and his girlfriend seem ok. Saddened but ok, I think it's still sinking in for them.

Matthew will be starting Beavers (The young denomination of Scouts) this evening. He is looking forward to it. I think it does a kid good to get out and socialise outside of school. Especially when he will learn new skills doing it. I think he will love it.

James can say everything he hears. He may not come out in complete sentances every time but he is very good with pronounciations, recognises things and can call them by name and he can count to  5 with no prompts. Clever boy.

Liam, well, he is a little more forward than his brother James. On the WOMAN front. Liam has got himself a girlfriend. We went along to our singalong group the other day and there was a little girl of about 18-20 months who really took an interest in him. Despite her being older she is a little waif and looks smaller than Liam but she walks around and tries to help him get toys. At the end of the session, I tend to get Liam in his coat and then into the buggy first. I did this as normal on Tuesday and by the time I got James ready to go in,  this little girl was leaning over Liam giving him little kisses. He loved it. He was lapping up the attention and kissing her back. It was so sweet.

James seems to like babies. At my mums on Wednesday, he kept playing with a doll that belongs to my niece. He held the doll with such love and kept calling it baby. "Baby, Ahhhhhhhh" he kept saying. He held the doll so gently, covered it with a blanket and would cuddle her and kiss her and gently pat her on the back. It's enough to make me broody.

I've said before how the first smiles and cuddles of the day are one of my favourite times with my babies. The same can be said at night. We have the dinner, bath, bed routine. The bathtime is split into two. James and Liam share the bath with some bubbles, a water jug and some bath toys. They play and they love the time in the bath. They really enjoy themselves and have a lot of fun together. There's few arguments between the two in general as they really are the best of friends. I think Liam will notice it when James starts pre-school. Anyway, once they are all clean and lovely smelling, I love the just out the bath cuddles. Wrapped in a towel both little ones love it when they get to see themselves all cuddly and wet in the mirror as they cuddle up to me. Liam is always out first and as I place him in his cot for his nappy and pj's he just smiles up at me and babbles away in his own little baby speak. He will always try to roll over mid nappy for his blanket. Even if I put it directly on him he will roll as he likes to sleep on his front, bum in the air and thumb in his mouth. He is ready for sleep the minute he gets in bed. James is out next but will happily let me get his nappy and pjs on without a struggle. He asks for his car-car (his special blanket) and will chatter away about his bath and I ask him questions on what we did in the day. He loves it. He gets covered up and given a big kiss. Liam always stands up in his cot as I am tending to James, He wants to see whats going on and he will always lean over the side of his cot for a goodnight kiss too before going back to the front position.

Matthew then has his bath. He's big enough now to be left alone and given some privacy. He loves his long hot baths and will always come out looking and smelling beautiful. He comes back downstairs afterwards and spends a little time with me and hubby. He is really good and will occassionally play on the PS3 before bed. He always goes up to bed when asked. I am really proud of him for that. He may be older but he still likes me to cover him up occassionally and give him a kiss goodnight too. He's still young himself. Bless him.

Every night before I retire to bed, I have a bedtime ritual myself. Even at 7, 2 and 16 months, I still check on all 3 of them. James is normally sound asleep, half covered and with one leg hanging out the bed, I always put it back in and cover him over in case he gets cramp. James gets another kiss. Liam is always sound asleep on his front with no covers on him whatsoever. I cover him over but cant reach down in the cot enough for a kiss so he gets a little stroke of the head. Matthew is always covered up, always sound asleep and gets a kiss on the forehead too.

Sometimes Words Really Arent Enough

This is our new car. We picked it up yesterday. We've had a couple of rides in it already and it made Matthews day to be picked up from school.

Yesterday was a health day. Hubby had a hospital appointment regarding his diabetes. He likes this hospital as they give him choices as well as information. They want to work with him rather than tell him what to do. He said he wasn't getting on great with one of the forms of insulin he takes and they agreed. They told him forthright that a lot of people don't get on well and for that reason they are looking to stop handing it out overall. He's got a food diary to keep once again and he is confident with their care.

I spent half the afternoon with a migraine and feeling really really sick. It was smear test day and I was dreading it. But as soon as it was done I felt good. I was really terrified yesterday. I will hear the results back in a couple of weeks. I explained to my nurse I was more nervous than normal about the tests, the results and everything but she was lovely. I felt better being able to talk about it a little. She did say it depended on cells, but my cervix looked very healthy and that they had done a good job when the gave me the lletz treatment back in July. That feels so long ago now.

Last night we took the car on a journey to my mums and called in on my family. My brother, his fiancee and her daughter were there. We discovered at christmas she was pregnant and due their baby in August. This week she's had a miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant. I feel so bad for them right now. This is the second miscarriage they have had in 6 months. She had pain and bleeding and it was confirmed by scan today that we will not be getting a new baby in the family this summer. I know there's nothing I can do or say to help and that makes me feel worse. I just need to give them some privacy.

Another Change

Today Matthew is 7. My little boy is SEVEN!!! He's growing up so quickly. I have baked him a cake which is so moist it was collapsing when I decorated it. So it's not the prettiest birthday cake I've made but it's very good cake! (I'm having a low calorie day and I have done an extra 10km on my bike taking me up to 40km and 600 burned calories to allow myself a big fat slice later! Why do I ALWAYS start my diet before this week)

Today hubby is on a training day in Cambridge for work. He has to sit through health and safety/team building/general work training seminars alot in this job.

Well, it appears that the finance side of things was better than we thought.

Yesterday hubby put a deposit down for a new car.

We find it rude to live in a rural area, have 3 kids and a dog without doing as the locals do so we have gone and got ourselves one of these!

Ours is an "02" numberplate rather than the 52 as shown and is black. It really is a good strong sturdy family car.

With the 3 kids in the back and the idea of camping holidays as the kids grow older, this sort of car is just what we need. We deal with mud on the roads this time of year too so it's practical in every way.

Hubby should be able to collect it on Saturday.

That means Matthews birthday day out will be postponed until Sunday. We have a train pass to use for the day and will go out for the day. Matthew has some money and we are going to give him money too so he can get himself a Nintendo DS to while away his evenings after school.

It's going to be a busy weekend as per norm.

First Week Success - Of Sorts

So I did it. I lost 4lb in the first week of 2011.

I'm feeling really good about that.

Yesterday was a "second christmas" as we got to do the traditional roast turkey all over again so I had a day off my diet. I am now back on track and looking forward to another week of eating well and exercise.

The kids loved the day yesterday. We all got to share presents amongst ourselves, mum in law, sister in law and bro in law and his wife. We always have the "Post Christmas" Christmas as hubbys brother and sister both live away and it's a good excuse for a family get together in the new year.

The kids got some lovely toys, hubby got some models to make, I was really pleased with a new dressing gown and a lovely new set of hair straighteners which were much needed.

Saturday wasn't such a successful day.

Our car broke down. In a country road on a hill of all places. The engine light came on first, within 15 minutes all lights on the car went out. The dashboard went blank, no speedometer, nothing. We then came to a halt as all power went and we tried to park up on a bank. Unsuccessfully. Two passing cars stopped to help us move the car and we waited for my grandad and mum to come and rescue all 5 of us. Luckily, hubbys friend lives just 2 minutes up the road, so he also came to help. Miraculously, when showing him that the ignition wouldnt even start-it did. We all piled back in and just made it to his lane as all went dead a second time. (He lives in a huge country house with a private lane to it)

My family came along shortly afterwards and took me and the kids home. We followed hubby who managed to get the car home without further problems.

We think the problem may be electrical but the car has been having problems for a little while and it is not worth getting fixed. We don't know the real problem and we dont know how often the problem will occur so we're already looking for a new car for weekend use. Hubby is lucky he has the work van so work is not a problem like it would have been if he worked anywhere else. So it's not all bad. We'll certainly be saving money over coming weeks as we won't be putting petrol in a car.

We borrowed my mums car so we were still able to get to mum in laws yesterday so it didn't ruin the whole weekend.

We've found a car we like. We just need to work out the best way to finance it. Kind relatives have offered us a loan, but we still have the old car to pay off so we will have to work out a few things first. We're in no hurry for a car at the moment and as the weather gets better we can go for more walks. The nearest town is walkable and there's always a bus home if Matthews legs get tired.

Let's see how things are without a car for a bit.

All Change

I felt with a change of year came a slight change of image.

Life is constantly evolving and as a person so am I. 

Sometimes I just need a little reminder that there's more to me than being a mum.

New year is always a good time for me to reflect and think of where I am heading and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what life holds for me from here onwards.

I am once again putting my health first as I encourage my family to all do the same. I've booked myself in for my smear test next week. I'm dreading it, but once it's done it's done. I just hope the results are more positive than the last one I had.

Hopefully around March I will begin driving lessons. I just want the weather to be a little tamer and a little more predictable than it has been this winter.

I'm also thinking alot about the last 10 years and how things have changed. We're now out of the "noughties" and into the "decimals" or soon to be "teens" when it comes to giving the decades names, I don't know how it works entirely.

Life is the complete opposite of how it was in early 2001.

I was single, no kids, living with my mum and dad and younger brother.

Jump forward 10 years and I am the wife and the mum, hubby is the dad and we have 3 beautiful sons in our own home. I have also gone through a previous marriage and a divorce in between.I may not be working outside the home but I love the work I do here. I love having the time to cook, to clean, to bring up my own kids without the use of childminders. I am looking forward to returning to work when Liam starts school in a few years but these early years are precious and I don't want to give them up.

7 years ago, I was in the final days of my first pregnancy. It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies. Healthwise all was very good. Life with my husband wasn't. We married in the September when I was 5 months pregnant and the whole pregnancy was stressful because of my ex. I wanted to do the best for my unborn baby, ironically that happened over 2 years later.

The birth of Matthew bought out a new side of me. My confidence grew to the point I realised life would be better as a single mother so the marriage came to an end and I have never looked back.

It's been over 5 months since we last heard from his dad. Again, he has disappeared, just like he did over the christmas and birthday time last year. There's one thing not giving your child a present or card for christmas and birthday and another thing not even addressing it and just saying "I hope you have a lovely time."

Still, the longer the gaps in the calls, the more chance we have of him finally being out of our lives.

In the little over 3 years since I met hubby, I have discovered how a relationship and family life should be. It's not about constant apology, constant biting of the tongue to avoid yet another argument. It's about feeling comfortable together, being happy, not walking on eggshells day after day but creating a living environment that makes life worth living.

We only get one go at life and in that lifetime, we need to find what makes us happy and have the courage to walk away from things that don't. Obstacles come and we get over them. Challenges in life make us stronger.

I can honestly say I don't regret a single thing in my life. Every step, every hurdle, every time I've ever felt worthless, everytime I've ever felt like I was failing has passed to get me where I am today.

The bad times only make the good times feel better and more appreciated.

Everything in the past has made me who I am today so I am more than happy with how life has panned out. You have to take the rough with the smooth but if the rough can be dispelled then all the better.

Let's see where I may be in 10 years time.

And Thats That Over For Another Year

Christmas is officially over.

The decorations are down.

Matthew is back at school today.

As much as I love having him home, I was ready for him to go back. It's felt a long 2 and a half weeks.

I missed the routine of the school runs. Without them, I don't get my full exercise, I didn't put on much weight over the festive period, but I didn't loose any either.

I missed time alone with the young ones. I missed having an hour to MYSELF. However, new year, new attitudes mean that my hour alone is spent on an exercise bike instead of facebook games! This is a good thing.

I don't have any set resolutions this year.

I would like to lose a good few lbs. I would like to have more time for myself. I would like to exercise more. I would like to make more of an effort and make new friends. I would like to read more but these are things that come in time and I won't hurry things too much. If these things don't happen then it's not the end of the world. These aren't resolutions as they are not targets to meet. These are just some little things that I feel would make me a little happier.

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It looks very likely that James will be starting pre-school in September! I saw one of the pre-school women this morning and she will find out for sure but my middle baby is getting ready for pre-school. It's so exciting, emotional and crazy at the same time. I know he will just love it. He is a happy and social boy who loves to do things. He loves to explore, he loves to create, he loves it all. Pre-school will just be amazing for him.

Fat Fighting Solo

2011 is starting off ok.

I am reacquainted with an old friend.

A metal stationary fitness machine.

I have missed my old exercise bike. It's amazing how much of a buzz I get from it. I had forgotten how it relieved stresses and made me feel "better" in general.

I am currently doing 30km a day. This is in around 51 minutes. I do 10km blocks with a break in between. I find I exercise more efficiently as I don't tire as much as if I would do for 30 minute blocks for example.

I am also eating well, fruit for breakfast. Yes, you read that right FRUIT and BREAKFAST in the same line. Things I don't really do, tuna salad, mayo and pitta for lunch today, chilli, rice and salad for dinner tonight. Snacks of fruit and yogurt plus a treat once a day. I allow myself up to 120calories on a packet of crisps or some chocolate as a daily treat. I don't believe in being deprived within a diet.  That only makes things harder. I am using a website to calculate how many calories I am consuming and using. My daily limit is 1700 and I am aiming for a minimum of burning 450 calories through exercise per day. 4 days in and all is looking good.

My official starting day was Jan 1st, so I will update my weight tracker every Saturday even if I don't get the time for a full update.

I am currently 10lb heavier than I was on my wedding day which isn't too bad considering I've not been on a diet as such since. I've had a birthday, a weekend away and christmas since so I feel that overall I havent done too badly.

We have booked a short trip away at the beginning of April and I would love to be able to loose 20lb by then. That's my mini goal and I have a while in which to achieve it. Let's give it a shot.

It's Been Forever Since I did A Meme

2010 has gone, so here's what it meant to me in meme form.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before?
Planned a wedding and enjoyed it. (planned a wedding before but my heart wasn't in it at all. This wedding was something different)
Had  a break without the kids, well, 3 to be exact.
Got a puppy

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember. Most resolutions for most people normally fail quickly. Mine are ongoing life changes. I've lost weight as I wanted and will continue to try and do so this year too.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not "close" but a few friends have, now 2011 should have a summer arrival in the family but I cannot say any more on that for the moment, its not my place to say just yet. (And no, it's not number 4 for me.Sorry)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great uncle died but I suppose he wasnt the closest relative. I was deeply saddened when a mother of one of the kids Matthew went to school with died of Cancer in January. It could have been any of us mothers in that playground. It made me value life and what we have so much more.

5. What countries did you visit?
 I got close to Wales but stayed in England all year long.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
I don't know, I think 2010 was a good year overall. I'd say maybe another pregnancy towards the end of 2011 but my hubby might kill me. Hahaha

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 21st. I got married!
May 17th. Moving house to the country.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting married, turning 30, losing around 50lbs.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think anything was that bad not really.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a cancer scare. Abnormal cells discovered in a smear test. I had the treatment. I wasnt ill but it made me think ALOT. I also bashed my knee rather badly when I slipped over in the ice just before christmas. I still have the bruise to prove it. Now it's a lovely faded blacky-yellow. Lovely. Another reason I hate snow and ice.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Everything towards my wedding. A Wardrobe that got it's own post and most things towards the new house.


12. Whose behaviour merits celebration?
Hubby and the kids as always.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and upset?
Rather a lot of people upset me last year. Friends who don't have time for you when you move house, online friends who pass on personal information from my blog to my brothers ex girlfriend. The brothers ex girlfriend for her overall treatment of my brother.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The wedding I should imagine, then the house and bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting Married.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars
Don't Stop Believing - Glee cast
Billionaire - Travie McCoy
One In  A Million - Ne-Yo
Theres been a few. 

Favourite Album - Muse - The Resistance. Out in 2009 but discovered in 2010.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder?
About the same, maybe a smidgen happier.

ii. thinner or fatter?
THINNER woohoo (and I fully intend for the same answer this time next year!)

iii. richer or poorer?
Slightly richer though it may take a little time for hubbys new wages to be noticed following christmas, birthdays etc.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Relaxing, exercise (proper little contradiction there but I wish I'd had more time for exercise)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent less time stressing out about friends. Swearing.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my little family at home.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I continued to fall deeper!

23. How many one-night stands?
None!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Glee, Come Dine With Me, and I loved The Biggest Loser when we had sky tv.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not exactly hate, but my opinion of a few people is certainly alot lower.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Seven Secrets Of Happiness - Sharon Owens. I've just finished reading it.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Muse, Bruno Mars.

28. What did you want and get?
Married and a new house, A good year.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Not really been bothered with films. Don't think I've watched a film for a while.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I dropped into that "30's" age bracket. I celebrated my 30th on holiday with the kids and hubby. Was lovely.

32. What is one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Nothing, I wouldnt change a thing.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Get slimmer, dress to my shape.

34. What kept you sane?
Nothing I'm not sane at all. Mwahahahaha!!!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Erm, I can't think of anyone at all. Did I open my eyes at all in 2010? The normal "heart throbs" don't do anything for me. The only person I keep getting in my mind is Simon Cowell, though I think it's more power thing than "fancying!"

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Torys getting in with the help of the Lib Dems. Tax rises, job cuts, students costs rising, still no end in sight of recession. I hate the Tories but I think I hate the backstabbing Lib Dems even more.

37. Who did you miss?
I went through a stage of missing old friends when I moved home. But I have come to the conclusion, if they don't have time for me, then I don't have time for them. I need to move on.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
 A few mums at the school.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Moving on means moving on. I can't expect people to make special efforts for me. I refuse to make the effort for them if they dont do it for me. So, 2011 will be another year of change where I will move forward on the friend front.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"What do you got, if you aint got love 
Whatever you got, it just aint enough
Youre walkin the road, but youre goin no where
Youre tryin to find your way home, but there's no one there
Who do you hold, in the dark of night
You wanna give up, but it's worth the fight 
You have all the things, that you've been dreamin' of"
Bon Jovi