All Change

I felt with a change of year came a slight change of image.

Life is constantly evolving and as a person so am I. 

Sometimes I just need a little reminder that there's more to me than being a mum.

New year is always a good time for me to reflect and think of where I am heading and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what life holds for me from here onwards.

I am once again putting my health first as I encourage my family to all do the same. I've booked myself in for my smear test next week. I'm dreading it, but once it's done it's done. I just hope the results are more positive than the last one I had.

Hopefully around March I will begin driving lessons. I just want the weather to be a little tamer and a little more predictable than it has been this winter.

I'm also thinking alot about the last 10 years and how things have changed. We're now out of the "noughties" and into the "decimals" or soon to be "teens" when it comes to giving the decades names, I don't know how it works entirely.

Life is the complete opposite of how it was in early 2001.

I was single, no kids, living with my mum and dad and younger brother.

Jump forward 10 years and I am the wife and the mum, hubby is the dad and we have 3 beautiful sons in our own home. I have also gone through a previous marriage and a divorce in between.I may not be working outside the home but I love the work I do here. I love having the time to cook, to clean, to bring up my own kids without the use of childminders. I am looking forward to returning to work when Liam starts school in a few years but these early years are precious and I don't want to give them up.

7 years ago, I was in the final days of my first pregnancy. It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies. Healthwise all was very good. Life with my husband wasn't. We married in the September when I was 5 months pregnant and the whole pregnancy was stressful because of my ex. I wanted to do the best for my unborn baby, ironically that happened over 2 years later.

The birth of Matthew bought out a new side of me. My confidence grew to the point I realised life would be better as a single mother so the marriage came to an end and I have never looked back.

It's been over 5 months since we last heard from his dad. Again, he has disappeared, just like he did over the christmas and birthday time last year. There's one thing not giving your child a present or card for christmas and birthday and another thing not even addressing it and just saying "I hope you have a lovely time."

Still, the longer the gaps in the calls, the more chance we have of him finally being out of our lives.

In the little over 3 years since I met hubby, I have discovered how a relationship and family life should be. It's not about constant apology, constant biting of the tongue to avoid yet another argument. It's about feeling comfortable together, being happy, not walking on eggshells day after day but creating a living environment that makes life worth living.

We only get one go at life and in that lifetime, we need to find what makes us happy and have the courage to walk away from things that don't. Obstacles come and we get over them. Challenges in life make us stronger.

I can honestly say I don't regret a single thing in my life. Every step, every hurdle, every time I've ever felt worthless, everytime I've ever felt like I was failing has passed to get me where I am today.

The bad times only make the good times feel better and more appreciated.

Everything in the past has made me who I am today so I am more than happy with how life has panned out. You have to take the rough with the smooth but if the rough can be dispelled then all the better.

Let's see where I may be in 10 years time.