To The Point

1. Smear test results back and normal. That's that done til next year.
2. Hubby had to have his drivers license reviewed due to his diabetes. All fine for next 3 years,
3. There's a lot of chicken pox going around the kids of Melford, my boys have still not got it.
4. Speaking of Melford, we moved here 2 years ago last week. Where has that time gone?
5. We have been having great weather.
6. We have been having a lot of fun embracing the social lives of toddlers. I have got to know a few mums much better this week and the kids have developed new friends.
7. A couple of weeks ago it was my mums birthday.
8. Yesterday my nan turned 79 years old.
9. On Sunday I will have them both and my dad round for dinner.
10. What on earth do I cook?
11. My family aren't big on spice, I'm not big on bland!!!!!!
12. We spent the weekend camping. 
13. We had a great time: We set up base right near the toilets and shower block and the adjoining park for the kids.
14. We did as much as we could on our 1 night stay and spent the days swimming, playing in the park and on the second day.....
15. ....We went to the beach. James just wanted to dig the sand. 
16. Liam is just happy doing anything.
17. Matthew loved that extra little bit of freedom. He feels so grown up now.  
18. To finish, here's some pictures of our splendid week.

 Our tent

 My grown up looking boys.

The Three Lads playing together in the sand.  

 James preders the walk to school holding Matthews hand.

List:

1. I love my new driving instructor. She rocks. I no longer feel completely incapable of driving a car. 
2. I am going to join Slimming World with a friend this week. I've given in too easy for too long, time to do something that has more impact and a friends encouragement can work wonders!
3. This Saturday night we are going to be living in the great outdoors, We're off on our first ever night camping. I look forward to it though it could be a challenge.
4. Liam is fine after his op. He a little quiet upon returning home on Friday evening but back to his normal self . All he has to show for his time in hospital is a little red mark below his belly button and a little yellowy bruise around the area. He has done SO SO well.
5. Yesterday I went on a crazy cleaning spree. Kids rooms, changed my bed, hoovered the whole house, cleaned things that were bothering me, did 1 load of kids bedding.
6. Today it continued, the rest of the bedding (ie the stuff the kids were asleep on last night when I was going on a cleaning frenzy) and I've done a fair bit of gardening.
7. I'm ready for spring to finally spring, but spring hasn't got the right directions to England. I'm sure of it.
8. My nails are growing great - The gardening has not been good for them and I have chipped a nail but I may paint them pretty again tonight.
9. James got his first ever school portrait order form today. Needless to say I WILL be buying it.
10. Hubby has been asked to join a sort of panel for work where he can do his normal job but a few times a year has to attend BIG management meetings with area managers, department managers, directors and so on. He would be an Essex representative and this is stage 1 of promotion. Money will rise. He was put forward for the job from the boss he worked with the other week who thinks he's ready to start making progress in the company.
11. We've lived in our home 2 years this week. Where has that time gone?
12. Smear test last week - done and dusted.
13. May have to repeat said Smear test as nurse struggled to get cells for testing. Grrrrr. Hopefully though there was enough and that will be it until next year.
14. 2 of James best friends have been off nursery with chicken pox. They are now back at school. No sign of any spots on James just yet. Could we have averted it AGAIN????
15. Liam walks back from school every morning now. He's doing just fabulous.
16. On my reading challenge for the year I am on track. 38 books read - 62 to go to reach my 100 goal.

The Big Day - Edited!!!!

Today, this beautiful little fella is in the hands of the medics.

This post will be updated at varying times of the day so I can record the way the day is going.

Well.... so far.

5.30: My alarm goes off, I get myself and little Liam up. Dress him and give him 2 slices of toast. We got a call last night to say he is 5th in line for surgery today and should be going down about 1.30pm. This means we don't have to starve him all morning like last time but he can eat up until 7.30am and have fluids until 10.30am.

Liam doesn't eat that early so daddy takes the changing bag with half a pack of biscuits in.

Our biggest pre-op fears are here. Liam has caught James's cough and cold. He's coughing like a good un. Give him some cough medicine and daddy takes bottle with him.

6.10: I kiss my little boy bye bye and watch the car leave as they depart for the hospital.

James is now up. I sit him in front of the tv with a drink and head off for a quick bath.

7.00: James and I sit together at the kitchen table eating breakfast together. We rarely have time together like this.

8.10: Receive text from hubby. Liam has seen everyone he needs to and the op is ON!!!!!!

My guess is that last time they cancelled it was because he sounded chesty when he coughed which made the anaesthetist (excuse my poor spelling if I got that wrong) listen to his chest and it wasn't great. This time it's more of a bark/empty cough so it's all looking good for surgery as planned.

8.50: Boys get to school. Feel a little lost departing the nursery as no buggy outside.

James goes into school fine then runs to the nursery door to give Liam a kiss bye bye like he always does and realises he isn't there. This is the first time today James has realised that Liam went out with Daddy very early.

9.30: Home from school alone with a coffee, the pc and some luxury biscuits.

10.18: Off to make another coffee, Biscuits all gone. Feeling fat...... But there were only 8 in a pack so it could have been MUCH worse........What am I going to do for the rest of the day???

11.56: Receive text to say Liam won't be going for surgery until 2pm at earliest. Take James into town, we have lunch visit library, visit toy shop and sit in the park for a while.

13.30: Now 3pm surgery is looking more likely.

14.11: Another text, Liam is number 5 on the operating list. Number 2 has just come out.

14.45 A meeting with Matthews school teacher to see how he is getting on and discuss further help in and out of school for him.

15.30: Text to say he should be going in at 4.30. Fingers crossed this time is right.

16.30: Text to say he's gone in and hubby is off for some long awaited food. This HAS worried me since he's diabetic! But they are both ok.

Got a little emotional with the memories of the first time he had his operation. I was fine until in the anaesthetic room. I held him in my arms at 9 weeks old as they put a needle and something in his hand which I assume were some sort of drugs then they placed a little mask over his face and I watched him fall asleep. I was fine with this until I had to lay him on the massive bed and they wheeled him into theater. Things like that you never forget.

I just hope that it is the hernia and nothing more serious. Days like this make a mummy over-think and if it's not a hernia then why the swelling at various random times?

17.37:  A little over 12 hours after our day began I get the final text that may have been causing worry:

"Liam is out. Doing well. They found nothing. Will call later."

Awashed with relief I begin to relax for the first time today.

I am a little frustrated they didn't find anything but happy they looked, happy it's done and now I can stop worrying. I'd much rather he be perfectly healthy and not have health worries. It's all done and a whole LOAD off my mind let me tell you!

A short while after hubby phoned. Liam is doing good, having a few bits to eat, a drink and watching tv. He's a little sleepy and didn't want to talk to me on the phone. Liam NEVER talks to anyone on the phone so that wasn't a surprise and it was good to hear him sounding like his normal self. :o)

He'll be kept under observation for a couple of hours at least so he could be coming home in an hour or at latest he should be on his way back about 9.30 tonight.

I can't wait to see my little man, give him a gentle hug and tons of kisses and I can't wait to hear this beautiful little laugh again:

Please excuse me for filming this virtually sideways, and for those wondering, the thing that evokes that giggle is a toy spider going down a slide on tv! This was when the giggles were decreasing as it was about the 6th time in a row he watched the same scene. The comedy in small things for a 2 year old.

I Was Born In September, Therefor I Am Impatient

This week is a busy ending to the week, the start, well, alot of hanging about waiting for the end of the week and raising my stress levels as the week goes on.

Today I have James at home, he had a bit of a cough this morning but seems ok now. He was not really poorly enough to be kept off nursery but he was quiet and seemed tired this morning so I kept him home. The cough worried me, the last thing I want is for Liam to develop a cough before the weekend. Op day Friday means I need a healthy little man on that ONE day.

One of James' favourite kids at nursery has chicken pox. My kids have never had it, so maybe James not being quite himself could be the start of that. I hope so in a way so we can have it over and done with and IF it is starting now, the incubation period between being unwell and the spots is 10-14 days so it's not a worry with Liam at the moment. Just avoid that cough young man!

So op day Friday. Yes, I am nervous about it, he's still my baby even if he is going to be 3 in September. Mummies can't turn off worry and stress when it comes to their kids, whether they are in the uterus, newborn, crawling, learning to walk. I swear the older they get, the worry doesn't go away at all. It just changes to the next phase.

Thurday is Mummy's health day. Somehow that time of year has crept upon me for the annual smear test. Here in the UK, it's normally every 3-5 years but for those who didn't know, I had a bad smear test result around this time 2 years ago which resulted in me having to have some abnormal cells removed from my cervix. This will be my 4th smear test since. I had 2 in the first year following treatment, now I am to be tested annually as an extra precaution against cervical cancer. If bad cells are caught at an early stage, then the risk lessens immensely. I know many people who don't have their tests when they get a letter from the hospitals but I have had first hand experience of what could be. With my kids, it's not a risk I am willing to take and if I had to go through it every month, then it's worth it for them.

The weekend we just had was fantastic. Certainly one of  nicest in some time. My first driving with my new instructor went BRILLIANTLY. She agreed with me that I was being held back before. I did a few things I hadn't done before and maneouvers that I hadn't done since August last year (and this man I had before wanted to put me forward for my test - Yeah right!) So I am very happy with her from first impressions. I have another lesson this Saturday and I am truly looking forward to it. I feel like it's challenging again. I am not bored of it and I am not having my confidence knocked - not yet at least.

We then went on a little trip to a retail outlet centre and had a look around a couple of shops. This gave the kids some much needed fresh air and burned off a little energy. Liam loves walking everywhere now. After that we drove to a friends in the village and had a big barbecue. It's the first one we've been invited to this year and Sam is fast becoming my best friend. We do have a laugh and though her kids are a little older than mine (her Liam is 12 and Sophie 9) all the kids get on great. Her hubby and mine also seem to get on well. So with the food and beer flowing we left the car parked at theirs and walked home when we decided to leave. We had got there at 4pm and got home with 3 tired young men a little after 11pm but they all loved it. Even Liam and James kept awake the whole evening and stayed awake until they were in their own little beds. I had a few beers but don't like to drink too much in the presence of children.

The next day we picked up the car around noon and went to my mother in laws for dinner. It was a lovely big roast and it was lovely to be able to chill and be looked after for the weekend. I love entertaining and having people over, but it's also nice when others do it for you.

This weekend won't be quite so hectic. I have another driving lesson Saturday afternoon and hubby wants to take me out in the evening. Assuming Liam is ok to be left with nanny, it will be a good time to relax and put this week behind me. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't a little worried and stressed about the health related topics above but once they are all done I can let my hair down a bit.

I hope all US and Canadian moms had a lovely weekend with it being Mothers Day and all. From what I've read today alot had lovely days, especially those celebrating that all important First Mothers Day and those celebrating that they will have their own little ones by the time it rolls round next year.

The Official Diagnosis?????

Matthews appointment with an ADHD specialist raised a few surprises.

It was a general talk about how he found things. He was asked numerous questions on just aboput everything from family life to how he does in school, how he feels about certain situations and how he deals with things that are bothering him.

Hubby and I were asked what our main concerns were, what we had tried in terms of curbing his over-excited behaviour. How we deal with the odd temper he may have and how the family get on as a whole.

Matthew answered all his questions confidently and in depth. Matthew was more than happy to talk and he really made me proud that he is not embarrassed to talk about his feelings like some 8 year old boys would be. That he listened well, he stuck to the subject in hand most of the time - Football did creep in a fair bit - and was able to answer clearly.

I let him answer as much as possible in his own words and he seemed to relish that the attention was all on him. Liam played up so hubby took him outside for a while so the interview could continue and not have Liam and James arguing over toys causing a distraction.

So, our chat lasted a little over an hour and the specialist explained that ADHD is diagnosed through a spectrum of levels and Matthew scored high in both spontaneity and hyperactivity according to reports from both myself and the school. Our opinions on the questionnaire both myself and his teachers had to do were almost identical. The only real difference being that his school rated him higher with behavioural issues a little more than I did. I did say I realise that this could be that we TRY to keep him occupied when he is at home, we go out alot and at home he has more stimulation as in tv, toys, football cards and his 3DS. Whereas in school, there are more oppertunities for him to get distracted and lose concentration should he get a little bored with something.

This was all agreed with.

The specialist said we were doing right with what we had been doing. Changing his diet, working with him, talking things over with him. He gave me a lot of confidence in that I was doing the best job I could and that we could do well with this.

On the other end of the spectrum, this deals with low self esteem, being prone to depression and violent outbursts. Matthew scored VERY low on these levels. He is a generally happy boy with bundles of confidence and  masses of love to share around. He does get a little sad that he doesn't have many friends but he prefers the company of adults and his little brothers. Academicly he is doing good, he is not behind in his classes and doesn't need one to one teaching although he will occassionally get a little more help than others with his writing and he does gym trail that helps him with his co-ordination and helps burn off a little energy.

So scoring very high in one half and very low in another Matthew was levelled out to around mid-table in the ADHD league.

This, according to the specialist means he DOES NOT have ADHD that they can diagnose unless things get progressively worse. Being mid table counts as "normal" another 5 marks or so and he'd be higher enough to be diagnosed with minor ADHD and another 15 medium ADHD. So it's good that he is not in higher levels.

At the moment, he is being seen as just a very active and fidgety child and it's not a concerning behavioural problem as things stand.

However, they have also agreed to send an undercover specialist into school to monitor his behaviour in the classroom. Matthew won't know they are there so it will purely be based purely on how he behaves in his normal environment. This will happen within the next 8 weeks and they will be back in touch with their findings.

It's a relief to know all is fine, he won't need medication but at the same time Matthew is very aware that there is no excuses for how he behaves so we are both working hard together to get through this and move forward.

Enough of Waiting.

Every now and then life tends to slow down.

This year feels it's been a year of waiting.

As much as I say time goes far too fast at times, there are other times when it feels like it just isn't going fast enough.

We are in the process of waiting for a little longer.

Matthew has to attend a childrens psychiatric unit tomorrow to be fully assessed by an ADHD specialist. They should be able to get to the bottom of his ADHD difficulties, give us a clearer diagnosis of how severe it is or isn't and probably offer a great deal of advice. Whilst I expect them to tell us what we have already done and are in the process of doing, I am mostly hoping they will be able to explain a bit more about ADHD to Matthew and give HIM tips to make life easier on him.

ALOT of the time I feel a terrible mother. I know a lot of kids don't listen to their parents but I feel like I am continuously telling the boy off. If I'm not telling him off I am shouting at him because I am frustrated that by the SIXTH time I've requested he do something or stop doing something and he still hasn't done it. I feel at times my patience is truly stretched; Other times, I feel incredibly guilty that I am simply not understanding enough to his needs and I feel like I am letting him down by not being supportive enough.

I know Matthew cannot help the way he is. he cannot help that he finds it hard to follow instructions, to sit still, to follow certain patterns, to concentrate on things that don't interest him, to complete tasks set before him but as a parent to two younger children it can be very hard to remain sane at times.

I want to help Matthew as much as possible but at 8 years old he needs to be learning skills on becoming a little more independent. Also, with two younger children, I don't want to neglect them by putting Matthews needs first. It's a very delicate balancing act and something that makes me feel crap about it whatever I do.

I have been feeling a little down the past couple of weeks,  not just about Matthew and ADHD, we have Liams keyhole op coming up at the end of next week too which is playing on my mind a little. The weather has been absolutely poo for several weeks with rain most days so we can't get outside and do as much as I would like and hubby has been working a fair bit. So, I think I am just feeling like I am holding the house and kids together but losing a bit of  "Me" in the process. However, I need to make time for me sometimes. I've had my hair cut in the last week, I've got some dye to give it a healthy colour and shine, I have a new mascara and I am growing my nails yet again.

I know I am always saying I am growing my nails but with kids, there becomes a point where long nails are more than just inconvenient, they are completely unworkable so I cut them really short. However, with the hair done and the nails looking better (I'll soon buy myself a nice new nail varnish) then maybe a little self pampering is what I've been missing out on. I just need to feel confident in myself again.

I'm never going to be happy with my weight whatever I do. I always hit walls where I don't seem to shift one way or another for a long long time. So, I am trying to stop obsessing about my body image and just live healthily. If I lose weight I will be incredibly happy but if I don't I need to learn body acceptance. I'm fed up of trying and achieving close to nothing. I need to just learn how to feel happy with myself a little more.

So, I am looking forward to this week and next week being over, I am tired of waiting for appointments in hospitals. I just want my little boys to be seen to and know where these issues are going then maybe I can begin to relax a little more. I'm fed up of feeling tense and stressed out for now.

Short But Sweet

Not a lengthy post but a very important one all the same.

I would just like to say that not a day goes by when I am not in awe of my little fellows.

I just occassionally look at each one and feel so happy to have them in my life. I love to see their own little characters grow and know I am part of that.

I am so proud to be a mum and they make my life worth living.

Motherhood is the best thing in the world ever and my little boys are what makes it this great!

Family Update April 2012

HI!!!!!!

Oh hello, yes, I still exist, I am just uber busy these days.

I don't need to tell you how full my days are, you just get the idea.

So..... It's been a good old week.

A few things of development to report.

1) Liam is potty training.

My BABY is giving it all a go. How can this be? So SOON? He's my BABY of the 3. Eek.

On Saturday I took off his nappy in the morning to change him and James had left his potty out in the front room. James will always use the toilet when he can but he is far more comfortable doing number 2's in the potty so we keep it to hand in case we need it. Liam has been showing a slight interest for a little while so he goes over and sits on it. The tiniest little trickle was heard, he stood up and looked so proud of himself as he realised what he had done. So I asked if he needed more wee-wee and he sat back down and did a fair bit more. As if that wasn't clever in itself, he then picked up the potty and tipped it down the downstairs toilet and flushed it. Someone really has been taking tips from his big brother!

The same day we let him choose his own special potty for this new little challenge in child development.

Since then, it's been less than successful. 2 puddles on the floor for a couple of days and nothing new in the potty just yet.

As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and it took James months to master the art of potty/toilet training but we are on our way. Liam just needs to learn how it feels when he needs to go.

2) James now dresses himself.

 He is at that point now where he LOVES to be independent. This week the newest stage of this is insisting on dressing himself. He does not accept any help offered and to be honest, he does a great job of it. Only once has he had something on back to front  and when I pointed it out, he very quickly managed to fix the problem himself.

3) I sacked my driving instructor!

Last Friday I went on a two hour drive with hubby for practice in the car. I did REALLY well in comparison to the first time I did this. It gave me a lot of encouragement and hubby was great. It did pinpoint to him how much I was NOT learning with my instructor. I admit, that the last few lessons with him has been crap. I don't feel like I am learning anything and at times it even feels like I am going backwards. Hubby explained WHY we do certain things when driving rather than just telling me to do it. I felt I learnt more in 2 hours with hubby than I did in 2 months with Driving Instructor. My DI was really annoying me. In the past 3 months he has changed 4 lessons because he has had something else come up and it was really beginning to grate on me that his priorities tended to lie elsewhere. He knew I had to work round hubby's shift work so changing my lessons often meant I could go 3 to 4 weeks between lessons which is no good for anyone. He has 2 other jobs, one as a school bus driver, the other as a van driver. He's made it clear that his driving school has seen better days and that he makes more money with the van work. It started ringing alarm bells. His attention is slipping from driving and I feel like it's being dragged out. I am incredibly fed up of his attitude and feeling that this was the last thing he wanted to be doing so decided it would be better for me to part company. Afterwards I discovered he is actually the most expensive instructor in the area. Another reason to quit the habit with him. I am now looking to book a new instructor. I am not quitting, I am making a change.

4) Liam has a new date for his operation.

Liam's operation has been rescheduled for May 18th. That's 3 weeks today! They will look to see if his inguinal hernia has returned and fix it if that is the case. The more I see it, the more and more I believe I am right on this. I have no doubt in my mind that this is the problem, so hopefully this time in 3 weeks, all will be resolved and we will have some answers.

5) Hubbys job is going from strength to strength.

As well as the annual payrise of 3% hubby got a further 5% for his extra training he's done, for his new levels of expertise and for generally doing well at his job. He is currently doing a home learning University course helping him to progress with work. He also worked with a boss who is high up in the company (2 bosses above his boss) who recommended that he looks out for jobs in middle management as oppertunities arise. Hubby said this boss is looking for a sort of apprentice to back on the move up the career ladder. Money would be VERY good if this sort of oppertunity arose. It's good to be in a career where you can progress and hubby needs a job that is challenging so this is perfect for him.

6)  Matthew no longer has a girlfriend. They broke up because he wanted to play football all the time apparently.

7)  James had a big day at school on Tuesday.

He stayed for lunch club and had his first school dinner. I had to pick him up at 1pm instead of the usual 11.45 but he loved every minute. He spent his time playing with a girl called Keira, she is now his girlfriend.

Kids are just too cute at this age!

I am sure there are other things I have missed out on but I need to update more often and I need to jot down all the funny little anecdotes my children give out daily. They are such funny little people!