That Time Of Year Again.

Be warned - this is an angry post.

About twice a year I get into a big row with my ex. Here's the latest installment.

On Sunday I got a call from my mum asking me to call my ex. She is still the inbetween and it pisses me off that she just can't tell him to get lost like I do.

So, against my better judgement I gave him a call. He must be on like his 20th new mobile number. He is impossible to trace.

I call him from a with-held number as I don't want him to know where we live. He never found it important to tell us where he lived when he moved to London 3-4 years ago and since he hasn't seen Matthew since November 2008 we weren't too keen on giving in so he could bother us at our new home.

We moved here for a better life and that included leaving him behind.

We've heard from him TWICE this year and both times I have called as requested. Never to get through to him. I leave messages but he changes numbers so often I don't even know if I have an up to date number although my mum always says its the number he calls from.

I try to stay calm but I swear that the longer I'm away from him, the more I grow to hate him and resent calling him. But I went in quite calm.

I tried his number 3 times for him to not answer. I left two messages. In the end I thought I would try once more.

I finally got through.

I got a barrage of abuse. "Why do you call me on this fucking number? Why do you keep phoning me? Why do you hide your number? Why do you ring at a bad time for me?  blah blah blah."

I switched off from it and calmly responded. "I am calling you because you asked me to, so what can I do for you."

"I fucking don't understand why you fucking do this, you really piss me off." he shouts

"Look" I reply calmly despite being irritated beyond words. "You asked me to call, I am calling. If you don't want a conversation like a normal adult then I will hang up."

"You fucking do this every time. You never call just leave messages"

"It's not my fault you never answer it. So what do you want to talk about?"

"You are a fucking bitch and I hate you."

By now I lost my temper.

"You know what" I replied, "the feeling is mutual. In fact I am sure I have a lot more hatred towards you than you have towards me. I called because you asked. I did not call for a mouthful of abuse once again. I am just returning your call so can we please be civilised?"

I didn't even listen to the next pile of expletive shit he piled out but I did shout over him.

"For Gods sake, I don't know what your problem is. You ask me to call I've called. It took 4 attempts for you to answer so don't give me that "I only leave messages" crap!  I don't have to put up with this shit. This will be the LAST time I EVER call you. You can forget about me wasting my time, Please do not keep using my mother as a messenger. I'm sick of all this. I don't want you bothering me or my family ever again. If you have a problem, take it to a court. I have my calls recorded by my mobile operator and if you want this to be further evidence that you only want to contact us to harrass us, then it could be used. And thanks for asking how your son is, he's fine. Now goodbye." With that I hung up leaving him unable to verbally abuse me any further.

We split up mid 2005. Our divorce was through January 2008. You'd think it would be easier by now right?

Not at all.

I don't have my calls recorded but he doesn't know that. I still have all the clauses of my injunction paperwork and all the divorce agreements including the visiting rights that he has ignored to attend. He moved away a few years ago, never to tell us where he went but we're bad for doing it back.

He still doesn't realise I've remarried. We've never had a conversation where he's been calm and willing to talk normally for me to mention it.
In almost 7 years I have recieved around £80 child maintenance from him.

For the past 4 christmasses and birthdays Matthews not had so much of a call, card or present. It was only last year he didn't know where we were so it's the only year it's excusable.

It's not about money, it's not about presents. I would HAPPILY go without a penny, payback what he has given as CM and for Matthew to never recieve any gifts if it meant that we never had contact with him again.

What really pissed me off was not once did he ask about Matthew? I would have put up with the angry start if he took a breath and thought for a second about what he was saying and asked about Matthew or asked to speak to Matthew. But not one word about him.

He only wants a fight and I am not the one to mess with. I've said my piece, made it clear. I expect that will be all we hear of him for a few months then he'll be the doting dad again.

I would rather be seen as a bitch that stops my son having contact with his real dad than to be an irresponsible mother that will let her child grow up with such an abusive bullying adult in his life.

I'm willing to go to court over it. I'd hope the law was on my side and would recognise that Matthew doesn't like talking to him as he swears at him and makes him feel sad (Matthews words) and that he is scared of him.

People can change but he is giving me no reason to believe that he is a changed character and I never will believe it all the time he is foul mouthed and aggressive.

This man never destroyed me before and he never will. One thing an abusive relationship did for me was make me stronger. I just don't think he realised how strong he made me.

But you know what? After years of psychological and verbal abuse both when I was with him and after, it did feel good letting rip and sharing back what I thought of him. I very much doubt this will be the end. It never is.