And Now I Can Add Agony Aunt To My List Of Activities On My Wife/Mother/Friend Job Description.

It's funny how sometimes, everyone else looks at you as more of an adult as you view yourself sometimes.

This week I have turned proper agony aunt in 2 incredibly different ways.

I've got to know a few of the mums in the village quite well. We all have kids around the same age and through each other have learnt about the local circuits of nurseries, parent and toddler groups and will get together at least once a week. Somehow I have become the one they ask advice from most. I have the oldest child out of the 4 of us that hang out and the other 3 have kids younger than Liam as well. So, I get to be the listening ear with all sorts of childhood behavioural issues and be the supportive buddy who has been through "that stage" with at least one of my boys.

Thursday was particularly nice as I got to play with a little 6 month old little boy. I miss my boys being that age but I wouldn't go back. The tickly tummies and the smiles you get from them that age is just the sweetest thing but that time for me has been and gone so I will just enjoy it with my friends kids.

On the other end of the scale another friend confided in me that her marriage has run into difficulties. The problems started about a year ago but the last 3 months have been especially hard as they now longer barely talk and when they do they just bicker and argue. They've been married 14 years and have 2 kids older than mine and she's become a very good friend in the last 9 or 10 months that I've really known her. She explained the problems and finished the sentence with "So, do you think I should leave him?"

Erm.... there's always a moment where you are put on the spot and you almost splutter out the coffee you are drinking over friends living room carpet because you just weren't expecting that.

I didn't know things were that bad with her hubby but I had a feeling things weren't so hunky dory when she told me in the past that she nearly had an affair earlier this year.

Now, let me explain that I believe I am a GOOD friend when I admit I said all this to her!

I am very much a REALISTIC friend.

When she told me she nearly had an affair and was still friends with the man involved. She explained it started as a bit of drunken flirting that led to a kiss and lots of text messaging and that she grew to have feelings for him. Looking back now, it started about the time she says things started getting worse with her hubby and I see it in a clearer light that this was probably a bit of a boost for her when she felt like everything was beginning to fall apart.

However, that didn't make it right.

I made it very clear to her that to get involved any further would be incredibly STUPID, that I would give her a good shaking (in a friendly manner) and if I ever met the man she told me about I would give him an earful of what I really think of him to still be in touch with her like he is and that he should start acting appropriately and let her get on with the life she has chosen and her responsibilities that go with it.

I thnk that she was a little shocked by my honesty about it all.

At the end of the day, I could have told her all sorts of things she wanted to hear, told her to go for it etc but I am not that sort of person.

A good friend should be someone that makes you see sense when the world isn't making much sense. To show you when the risk is not worth it. To  bring you back to reality and face up to your problems rather than look for something else that would only make the original problem bigger and more complicated than ever before.

So whilst she didn't have an affair, I think she still thinks about this other man alot and I can just see it doing her more damage. I've suggested she loses all contact but I know she doesn't want to. I know it's making her feel better in herself and the flattery is boosting her confidence but I don't want to see her life fall apart because of it.

I'm being supportive as best as I can cos she's a mate and I cannot live her life for her or tell her how to live her life so I am trying my best.

I won't tell her what she wants to hear at any point as it's not my responsibility and whilst I want her to be happy, I don't want her making big mistakes either. It's a bit of a crappy situation.

She also admitted this week that if it wasn't for the kids, she would have moved out by now which is sad that it's come to that but I've suggested that she rides the storm. Most marriages go through rough patches and to have got so far with no real issues has been good and to not give up too soon.

I also suggested that they have time alone together to talk properly, which is hard when they barely talk but they need to make the effort. Their kids are away this weekend with a grandparent so I hope they get the chance to talk properly whist they get the oppertunity.

I think I have handed out all the advice I can on marital matters this week. I can barely talk when my first marriage lasted less than 2 years in total but I know how you put up with things you are not happy with for the sake of kids, but in some ways her situation was very very different to mine but at the same times, we both have one major thing in common with our marital problems which I will explain another time.

Have a good weekend everyone. x