Hmmmmm

So, where to begin. October has not been the best of months. I don't believe in dwelling on the bad things in life so I tend to leave them behind rather than have crazy emotionally messed up posts all over the place.

This has been a hugely emotional month.

Mostly relating to babies.

This month has already seen 3 births with another overdue friend set for induction tomorrow. I've heard of two new pregnancies this month and I do get full of excitement and emotion for these people.

Nothing could have prepared me for the shocking event that happened 3 weeks ago though.

Another friend, a mother to 2 little boys and a little girl aged between 5 and 18months found out she was expecting her fourth baby in spectacular fashion. Collapsing in the bathroom covered in sweat with abdominal pains. It turned out to be a ruptured ectopic. She hadn't even suspected she was pregnant. Emergency surgery. Lost 7 out of 8 pints of blood and was told she was about 10 minutes from death if the ambulance hadn't reached her as quick as it did. I spent a good week VERY upset about this. She is a good friend, her oldest is just a couple of months older than James, her daughter is in Liams nursery and with a baby, the thought of them all losing their mum has been heartbreaking and has really made me take stock of the world a little.

Hubby received another promotion. Days later, half of his previous workforce were sacked due to misconduct and neglectful work. Hubby knew this a few days beforehand as he now counts as middle management and it upset him alot too knowing that families were going to be having difficulties. Although it's only down to their personal performance at work and not being able to do a dangerous and important job properly, it still comes as a blow to those relying on that work for money.

Both of these just really make you think that you don't appreciate what you have in life sometimes.

Job security and Health are things we all too often take for granted. We get on with our day to day lives and every day someone is having some form of life trauma and we don't always see it.

October was certainly a month of tears for me as I turned all that stress and worry to a new world of appreciation. It made me think that "This is how it must feel if I was ever pregnant with a girl!"

Already feeling broody with the babies being born and my friends miscarriage it made me think that although I am not planning on any more babies myself, I've become very aware that my biological clock is ticking. I don't want any more children but there's something about the thought of not having any more that I find upsetting. I LOVED being pregnant and I loved having babies, they just don't stay that way forever. I am back to being happy with the 3 boys and stopping all those "If we just had one more....." thoughts that were running through my overactive female over-ruling ovary brain for the first half of the month. My friend was 40 in August, by no means old for a 4th pregnancy but it goes to show that things do get riskier as we get older and this baby she didn't know about could have cost her her life. Thankfully, she is now back to her normal old self and coping well.

This week we had all the parents evenings. The boys are all doing well on the whole. I didn't learn anything new. Liam is happy in nursery, working hard, playing hard, making friends and enjoying his little world. His speech needs work. His teacher offered to get us both into a makaton sign language course so I can help him communicate more and if I am planning to help out in the school it will help with other kids too. Sounds a winner to me. James is settling into full time school well, He is growing in confidence. Has a good level of understanding and enjoys his day. He is making more friends and is always happy. Matthew is working hard but needs to work on his focus and handwriting. We were also given all the leaflets and talks for the next stage of education. As he is now in year 5, we are thinking ahead to year 7 when he will go up to secondary school. (SECONDARY SCHOOL - BIG SCHOOL - FOR TEENAGERS - WITH COLLEGE AND EVERYTHING AGGGGHHHHH!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FIRST BABY?!) Realistically by the end of the year he should have a good idea on what school he wants to go to, there is a choice of 3 local schools and I think we are agreed on which one will be best for him (It's the nearest one). All schools require school busses and a new level of maturity and independence. It's scary!

One of his teachers seems to think he is depressed again due to a bad day he had at school this week. His anger issues are a worry but he seems fine at home. He is calmer and quieter than he used to be and there are still the odd days he is a little monkey but I DO think it's just him changing as he grows up. I see a happy fun loving boy who does get himself into trouble due to his temper occassionally (He's a boy!) and as he grows up he's discovering that he is more powerful and he will argue his case, his attitude sucks at times but I swear Matthew has got the "teenage bug" a few years early. The boy is 9 going on 16! So for now, I don't see a second "bad day" of anger and feeling down since July is enough to get him sent to the GP with the schools worry of clinical depression. I will be keeping an eye on it but Matthew is a changeable boy by the day and like I said we are at that "Tween-ager" stage. He's not a little boy anymore, yet he's not a teenager or adult enough just yet. So I EXPECT him to change and discover new emotions, mental and bodily changes. He's getting to that age range where this sort of behaviour is rather normal so I have no real concerns where I think it is a long running issue.Yes, there are issues of depression in the family so I will keep an eye on it all but I do think Matthew knows how to play a situation to his advantage quite often.

Well, I think that's pretty much everything that I haven't reported up until now because everything was just getting to me. I've also had a bad cold and headaches (possibly stress related) for most of the month but I look forward to the new month.

This week is half term so I at least get a bit of a rest and tomorrow we are expected a big muther of a storm complete with Hurricanes, flooding, structural damage, fallen trees etc, You name it. We'll soon see if it lives up to the hype. My nan is terrified but I am rather excited by it. I will certainly be staying indoors and wishing friends and family, especially hubby, well on their journeys and days at work.