Ticking Boxes

Every now and then you find something that means so much at such an important time.

Recently my favourite teacher friend posted this to facebook.

http://www.today.com/moms/why-i-dont-force-my-kids-say-please-or-walk-1C7398514

It struck a chord immensely.

The "please" and "thank you" thing is irrelevant for this post but the whole message remains the same. Kids develop and progress at different rates.

On Friday I had to take James to the local Child Development Center. He had been referred from our GP as our nursery teachers had concerns about his abilities. From speech to "not making sounds when playing with toys" and his agility, they had concerns.

I, on the other hand, didn't.

Admittedly, James is a quiet child and learned to speak later than alot of other kids but at 6am there is nothing wrong with his speech or confidence in speaking. Together he and Liam have a lot of imaginary play first thing in the morning. They play "Holidays". They talk about what they are packing, what toys they want to take, what they want to do for fun, what they want for dinner that night, when they should go to bed. They chatter like the birds in the trees as the sun rises.

James is naturally a thinker. He won't jump in head first, he won't shout out, he's very analytical and assesses situations. He has HUGE problem solving abilities and completes tasks with ease on the Wii U when playing games. He realises when he makes mistakes and discovers how to solve issues and get past that.

James' old nursery teacher came along with me. She offered moral support as her son has also had dealings with the CDC and as a mum, she wanted to help, also as a teacher that has helped James get this far, she wanted to follow through on his progress. I LOVE Mrs W. She's a lovely lovely woman and I look upon her as more of a friend than a teacher, I just realise that we have differing views on my son. She has done her best in her capacity as a teacher and I've followed advice each step of the way on how to progress with James.

I am incredibly honest with her and told her that if she ever thought I appeared to be dismissive or defensive regarding her and Mrs F (James' other nursery teacher) then I apologise for that since I don't see James struggle with some of the things she's said about in the past. There was concerns that he didn't play a "pairs" game. He's done that since he was two! He probably didn't feel like it that day. He has times we play snap but changes the rules - Instead of being 2 identical cards as such, they match because they have the same colour, they are baddies, they are superheroes. He puts things into categories very well and is always trying to be one step ahead! I also explained that my main concern is James. I am not going to be upset if he needs extra help anywhere because that's how it is sometimes. I know I've done my best at home and his teachers are doing the best for him at school. I'm pleased they are giving me the information so we can work together to make James' life easier. I had to wait until Year 2, when Matthew was 7 before anyone listened to me and saw my behavioural concerns with him.

I also explained that sometimes I do get emotional. Not because I feel like I am being criticised or my child being "labelled" but because I just want to do whats best for them and really want to assist where I can.

A child at home can be incredibly different to a child they see in school and this seems the case with James.

He went through the basic assessment, Height, weight, shape of spine, measurements of head, development of hands and feet etc. Everything was spot on as it should be. He does run with a wonky run and balances with his arms as he runs but we are not a sporty family and my co-ordination is shocking -  I can't even ride a bike! Lord knows how I learnt to drive a car, using both my hands and feet at the same time! The other tests they did at the initial meeting was all simple, they got him talking about his family and the Dr said she had no real concerns about his understanding and his speech wasn't too bad. She noted that he didn't hold a pencil confidently but did not seem to have any major concerns.

My only concern was that both hubby and I have worries that he is not socially confident. He only really has one friend in school and that child is absent alot which means James is a bit of a loner. Again, we realise this could just be James' personality. He likes calm and quiet and doesn't need to be the centre of attention. He likes his space, he likes to think and do things his way. I just don't want him to be a social outcast and struggle to make friends in the future. Again, the Dr did not see this as a problem. She just said the same as James' current teacher that some children are just quiet and happy this way.

I do feel this is James' character and we are going to have a calm, collected, thoughtful little boy.

We go back in a few weeks to test his development. He'll do puzzles and do tasks they expect him to do by the age of 4/5 and see if he is behind on the things the schools and education department expect him to be at.
If he needs help to catch up, then he needs help. I have no worries about that. I would much rather have that than for him to fall by the wayside and struggle through school life.

Which brings me back to the original article:

KIDS LEARN AT THEIR OWN RATE. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. NOT EVERY CHILD IS THE SAME.

For every person out there, we all have strengths, we all have weaknesses. Even as adults, there's things millions of people can do and things millions can't.

We don't always need to be told "You should be doing this by now" as development really does vary with every individual.

I personally feel that we didn't need this meeting. The Dr did not raise any clear concerns but is following the right course of action for her job. She's ticking all her boxes through each stage. James' teachers set the ball rolling in nursery with their boxes and where they thought he was trailing and I've been the supportive mum that's just done as I've been recommended so should there be any issues, I know I have done everything I possibly can to help. I've taken the advice, I've done as instructed and now we wait for the next appointment.

James' current teacher has not raised any concerns herself and in two weeks time it will be his first parents evening so I will get more of an insight into how he is doing in class but we don't appear to be struggling.

James now gets home learning and has been doing so well with the picture books and telling the story the pictures show. He has also been doing "phonics". Instead of the old style "A,B,C" we learnt, they learn the sounds to help them put words together, James is recognising some 3 letter words already and although I am helping him with how to hold pens and pencils (one of his weaknesses) he is actually beginning to write 3 letter words as in Exhibit A:

Bear in mind, this was done a few days ago and now we can tick the boxes for "sat" and "pop" Yay James!

He is doing so well breaking up the words to get the sounds and this is a FABULOUS way for them to learn words. It does seem so much easier when they sound it out rather than say the alphabet with it.

Wherever all this goes from here, James is my boy and I am a very proud Mumma!