Grandad

On Sunday evening we lost him.

My poor old nan witnessed the start.

My Grandad came in from the garden after hanging the washing out, complained of a pain in his back and collapsed on the floor. She called an ambulance and waited for them to arrive. My nan had assumed it was his heart or a stroke.

On arriving at hospital he was alert and awake. Though he was still complaining about the pain in his back he was laughing and joking with my nan and my mum and the team trying to treat him.

It turned out it wasn't related to his heart at all but it was an anuerysm (a blocked swollen blood vessel) in his back.

He needed instant surgery. Without it he had no chance. With it, he had a 50/50 chance.

He was put to sleep and taken off to theater.

He never knew anything else.

My Grandad passed away asleep. He was in no pain so despite the fact we lost him during the operation I am so pleased he slipped away peacefully.

The aneurysm  had been there years and this could have happened at any time but it happened at home with my nan. There was no knowing it was there or how long it was there but the surgeon said the blockage contained calcium which means it had been there a very long time. He could have been living with a ticking time bomb for more than 10 years.

I never got to see him before his death but I was at the hospital when he passed away. I arrived there just after 6.30pm. I sat in a side room with my nan, mum and uncle and had a cup of tea with them. He was still in theatre and as much as I wanted to stay my family told me to go back for the kids and hubby. I didn't want to but with the not knowing how long he would be in surgery I left just before 7pm. I'm happy I made it there when I did. As soon as we got home my phone rang and my mum was in shock and just said "We've lost him, He's gone Beck," I mouthed the words to hubby and went straight into the living room to tell Matthew.

He took it as well as a 7 year old boy could and matter of factly told me "The Angels will take care of him and then when he's trained he can look after us."

It was hearing that which started all the tears with me.

He'd died at 6.45 whilst I was there. It sounds stupid but I am glad that was the time he went. I was there. I  arrived before it was too late. I was there in his last moments. I like to think maybe something in him made him know I was on my way to the hospital as soon as hubby finished work and he waited for me to get there before he left us. To me personally - That is a massive comfort.

I never had that oppertunity when my other nan died a couple of years ago

Matthew appeared to take it rather good.

Around an hour later Matthew was on the sofa by himself and I noticed his tears. He did so well, bless him. Hubby kept crying too and I was just in tears every few minutes.

The signs for recovery looked good. Instant help - in the night or in the car would have proved instantly fatal. He was conscious before the op. He was joking before he was taken off for surgery. We all thought things were more in his favour than not.

Yesterday he had the day off school as we spent the day at my nans trying to help with "getting things done". My nan appeared to be taking it rather well. She was keeping herself busy and talking. The kids being there helped too. There wasn't too many tears from anyone. I think we were all trying to be strong for the others.  The kids being there lifted the mood too. When I walked in the living room, I was so pleased to see my uncle sitting in his armchair. I had pictured it empty and seeing it occupied made it a little easier than to see a big grandad shaped gap. The only time I really cried was when my mum asked how I was. I started to say "Well, I think I am better than last night since I don't keep bursting into tears at the drop of a hat like I did at first." However, trying to say that sounded more like "Well, I think I am....sobsobsobsobsobsob etc."  With that my nan piped up, "I didn't understand a word of that" "Nor did I!" responded my mum and we turned the sobs into sympathetic laughter.

We stayed  a good few hours but thought we would leave them for more personal phonecalls and to give my nan a break. I'm glad we all had that together. Only at one point did my nan get really upset. That was when my brother and his family arrived too and she said "my whole family in one room again, just not HIM" we all got upset at that.

Another thing I found very touching was James reaction. He is only 2 but he knew something was going on. He kept looking at my uncle in a funny way as he was in my grandads chair and was really cuddly. He then went over to my nan, gave her a cuddle and looked at the picture above her head and said "Grandad" before looking again at my uncle. Though he is nowhere near old enough to begin to understand, James realised that yesterday was a very different day to any other.

Today I thought I was doing better. I've been remembering his ways, His demeanor and everything that made him special. Nothing was too much trouble for him. He'd do anything for anyone and was always such a happy man. That's been in my head most of the day.

Then I started writing this. I haven't stopped crying since I started writing. So I think now is a good time to end here and go back to those good memories.

Love You Grandad

Ernie Frank Hall - 28/6/1932-13/2/2011