I've been slack on the updates of late and keeping it rather er... dull? Impersonal? I dunno what I'd describe it as but not so much me.
To be quite honest I've been feeling a little down. Nothing in particular getting me down but just life in general.
Weight being top of the list. I've stopped losing and started gaining - RAPIDLY.
I had my latest contraceptive shot last week and have put on 3.5kg since my last one 3 months ago.
Now I know it's only the equivalent of around 8lbs but I feel pretty damn awful about it. I was expecting a gain as I've had a bad few weeks but not THAT much. The only condolence in my defence was I normally have an early morning appointment - This was evening AFTER all my meals for the day.
Still, I feel like the last 3 months of trying to lose weight has been a total waste of time.
The problem is, the weight gain makes me feel rubbish and like I am failing.
Then comes the "Well, why the hell do I bother?"
Then comes more eating.
More eating of things I'd avoided whilst losing weight.
A bit more of a gain so I feel annoyed and settle my bad mood with 1/2 a pack of chocolate biscuits or a takeaway.
I need to get out of this vicious circle. It's making me bad tempered and I feel like I am letting everyone down (not sure how) as well as myself.
I'm at the point I am tempted to ask my Doctor for slimming pills. To join Weight Watchers. Anything!!! I just want this excess fat GONE and to stop despising myself. The only thing stopping me seeing my Doctor is that I fear I will just end up in tears trying to explain it to her in person. Writing is one thing, talking it through is another.
I've had a stressful couple of days with the kids too. As much as I love the little dears, a break from time to time would be nice. So feeling stressed with the kids and with my weight, it's no wonder I am feeling a bit of a loner and a wreck right now.
Anyway, I must try to stop this self loathing and pull myself together. It's not good for the kids.
Oh dear Becca, sounds like you need a hug!
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling a bit with the weight at the moment as well, not as much as you but still getting the eating thing all wrong. I completely get where you're coming from regarding the vicious cycle, I do exactly the same thing when I'm feeling bad. It's good though that you are recognising it, you are confronting it, at the very least in your blog. Let's do this together shall we? Let's cut the crap, and get back on the wagon. We don't want to go back up sizes, let's both drop 4lb by the end of May, ok? Deal?
*hugs*
I know how you feel. I'm working on picking myself up and getting back to the basics. We can do this!!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! There will be bumps in the road, but don't let a few pounds let you get down - we all have our moments. Gotta pick yourself up, dust off and get back on the horse! And perhaps signing up for WW would be a good idea, my friend is a leader and she has nothing but good things to say about it. Hang in there!!
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