No Regrets.

I've blogged since I was 18, in 3 weeks time I will be 31.

I have made mistakes in my blogging days.

I've been too honest far too many times and I've always spoken from the heart.

It's just who I am and that's how I work.

What is the point of doing this if I can not be honest with myself.

Over the years, my heart has been spread across these pages. It's seen the good, the bad and the ugly but I've always been true to myself.

I've been everything from a single teenager, to my first serious boyfriend, my first child, my first marriage, my marriage breakdown, my divorce, new love, new babies, health worries, a health scare, death, the fallout of certain friendships.

I've covered it all.

I suppose I can only be described as an "emotional blogger".

And boy, has this blogworld seen some emotions from me.

Sometimes, I feel I've been far too open for my own good.

People sometimes misunderstand me and whilst I've twice been called a bitch for what I write, I wouldn't be me if I skirted round issues and didn't show things as I see them.

When does being fair to yourself and standing up for yourself against others change to being selfish and self obsessed? I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that I only I can judge what makes me happy and what doesn't.

Whilst I can be far too stubborn at times, I tend to not hold a grudge. Though sometimes, it's hard to find the right words to say.

I don't like to leave bad feelings lingering though in some cases, I leave things far too long for fear of screwing things up more than ever before.

I lost my grandfather this year and then lost an old friend because of it. All I wanted was my mate and it felt like she wasn't there when I needed her more than ever. I've recently sent her an email wishing her and her family well as I haven't contacted her for over 6 months. If I didn't do it now, I probably never would.

I am not a person that holds on to bitter feelings. I am trying to hold out an olive branch, I don't know how my message will be interpreted but I know I've done my part to try and make amends by making the first move.  Whatever her response (if anything) will give me what I need to move forward and not leave me wondering "what if I had tried harder" for the next 6 months.

 Life is too short for "what if's" and regrets and I am more than aware that sometimes to move forward and get a clear path forward, then the mess left behind getting to this point needs to be cleared up and I'm trying to do that now.

I guess we'll just see how things go from here.

I'm not expecting miracles. If we get back to being friends, that's great but I don't think it will ever get back to how things were back in the best days. For now I would be happy having my old mate back, even if we have to get to know each other all over again. Now all I can do is wait.



*There's another post before this one if anyone wants to see pictures*