Freedom Of Speech is Dead

I appear to be going through a bit of an annoyed/angry phrase at the moment.

I feel I have so much to say sometimes, both on here and facebook but due to my strong beliefs in "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it" I am continuously biting my tongue and holding back from the keyboard.

The good old days of freedom of speech tend to be almost extinct.

Gone are the days you could voice a general opinion. These days you have to be careful about being seen as a bitch for disagreeing with someone on an issue or something they may say or do. That's forgetting about saying anything that may offensive to somebody on a religious, racial, sexual, ageist, political or ethical matter.

Sometimes, it's like we now all live in a world of pretence and hypocracy because if we told someone the truth on facbook or a blog then we'd probably be defriended, blocked and abused behind our backs just because we had the nerve to be HONEST about what we thought.

I'd never be deliberately unkind to someone or deliberately go out of my way to hurt a persons feelings but I feel that some people lose track of reality.

I guess this is 95% aimed at facebook rather than blogs or other social networks. I find it hard to get into Twitter. I have tried a few times but almost weekly the media shows it in a bad light as someone has said something they shouldn't and it is turned into a police investigation for a cyber assault of some sorts.

It's just getting crazy that I feel that talking about the things that are irritating me and I have a strong view on, are completely off limits to mention in case I get labelled "a cyber bully" or "troll" for just sharing my opinion.

There I've said it, burned off a little steam though I haven't really said a SINGLE thing about the things that annoy me and I wish I could say.

Parents Evening, Eye Test. Matthews Big Week and Grumpy Mummy

Today the kids are at school for the last day before they break up for half term. This term has been a fast one this far so all is good.

This week it's been all about Matthew.

My biggest, gorgeous most handsome boy has had quite a week.

On Tuesday he had his eyes tested as he had said to me a few weeks back he wasn't finding the school board that easy to read and that colours were not as bright on the board from a slight distance compared to being in close range. This immediately rang alarm bells as it's the best reason to explain why I wear glasses for reading and driving. My glasses don't change my vision entirely but everything looks like it's written/drawn bolder.

So we went in, we were late. It was CHAOS. No one told me that busses from my village were school only between 3 and 4pm. We waited 45 minutes for a bus getting on at 4.05pm, Our appointment was 4.10. Luckily it's only a short ride into the town but the opticians was alot further into the town than I remembered. We did well to only be 10 minutes late. Matthew had his eyes photographed then went in with the optician.

He proudly came running out shouting "Yes mum, I need glasses". Like his mum he is slightly short sighted and will require glasses for school work only. So we went over and he had a look at the frames and opted for these:

They look really light in this picture but they look a lot darker on, more of a dark copper/brownish colour but they really suit his colouring and look. He can't wait to get them. So he will be going back to school after half term with a nice shiny pair of glasses.

We had parents evening yesterday and told his teachers about his glasses and they like me, believe they will help Matthew focus that little bit more. He is doing incredibly well and is working very hard to get work done but will occassionally still get distracted and may distract others but nowhere near like he used to. He is showing an interest in a range of things and opting to do school lunch clubs over football some days and his behaviour in class is rather good on the whole. Sometimes, Matthew appears to not be listening but when he is asked a question on what the talk was about he normally gets the answer right, so he knows things, he does listen, he just doesn't make it clear.  He apparently has a very large range of knowledge for a child of his age and often stuns his teachers with facts and figures he's remembered. It was a very positive parents evening on the whole and I am incredibly pleased with the work he's done and showing he has put in the effort.

Well done big fella. You really are maturing into a lovely young man.

I've been under the weather a little. From the general cough and cold that's lasted forever. The fall down the stairs 5 weeks ago has been causing ongoing pain in my upper arm but *touch wood* today is the first day I have not had pain in the arm since I fell. Then on top of that I have had a bout of cystitis this week and today I just cannot seem to get warm so I've not been the happiest person in the world this week. Bleugh.

Anyway, that's it for today. Tomorrow I intend to have a big relaxing day only venturing out mid afternoon to return my overdue library books. Another fine... Oooops. Oh well, roll on my bedtime, I need a sleep, some warmth and some cuddles but with 2 school collections to go, it feels a long way off.

When Life Is Just This Good, I Couldn't Ask For Anything Else.

Every now and then I am a little overwhelmed by just how content I am in life at the moment.

It could be that friends are going through tougher times but I am very much happy in my little bubble.  I honestly don't think I could be much happier overall. Yes, I would always happily accept a lottery win but that would only bring material things that I have lived without until now.

I have a lovely family, a great husband and 3 amazing young men that make me so proud. They can be testing at times (all of them including the husband) but I wouldn't change any of them.

They are all part of what makes me who I am and right now, I am happy with ME. It takes time sometimes to be acceptant and less critical of ourselves but when you reach that little point it's a good place to be.

Matthew is having his first ever opticians appointment next week. He has said that if he is sitting at the back of class he doesn't see the white board as well. Whilst that is true for most of us that it's harder to see things further away, it's something I would rather get checked out. Knowing I am slightly short sighted, he could be the same and it doesn't hurt to stay ahead of a situation before it becomes a problem. The reason I feel he may be like his mumma and short sighted is that he says he finds it hard to explain but from a distance the black pen could look a little more purple or blue on the board. This is roughly how I would have described things when I am not wearing my glasses for driving. I wouldn't say my glasses make me see a lot better but road signs look darker and bolder, so I know what he means.

Speaking of driving.... I am in the process of booking my driving test!!!  Yes, you read that right, I am not brave enough  to tell everyone as I don't expect to pass first time but all I will say is that I hope to get a day in December that suits me, hubby to look after the kids and my driving instructor who has now gone part time. I've got a date in mind but just need to book it as I have to pay upfront. IF (and that's a BIG if) I can pass before Christmas it will be a perfect end to a rather special year. If not, I have something to look forward to to start 2013.

Also in December, we are taking the kids away again to the holiday camp Christmas festivities once again. The kids loved it last year (and secretly so did I - I think hubby did too to rebook it hehe.) but we haven't told them. I was looking through photos of it last year and the boys have all changed within those 10 months that I will have to get comparison photo's. They have all matured so much in such a short time.

James now has his own first ever Library Card as he loves looking in the village library whenever I go in.

Life plods along happily in these parts. I have a lovely community in which I live, great people in my life and lots to look forward to the end of the year and the start of next so let's finish with a cute little quote:

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, What Really Happens When Opposites Attract

So.... Following on from my previous post.

Friend explained to me that when she and her hubby first got together they were polar opposites and that had alot to do in the initial attraction.

Over the years it was never a real problem. They married, had kids and carried on life as they did.

It's only been in the last year or two that she's realised that having very different characters and interests is becoming more of a problem.

My question here is how long can opposites attract before they begin to repel away from one another?

This is something I know about all too well. It was only when she told me her story that I began to think about my past marriage.

I can dress it up, I can blame him, I can blame myself, I can blame the issues I had in the past and his ongoing issues as much as I like but inevitably the one thing that was the killer for my first marriage was that we were completely opposites of one another and to cut a long story short, neither of us wanted to change.

We were happy with ourselves and our lives, we just weren't happy together. I just wasn't happy with us together.

We did argue often and about pretty much everything under the sun all because we didn't have the same priorities and over time comes insecurity and resentment.

This is the bit I have been reluctant to tell said friend as she says that they don't seem to have any of what attracted them to one another there anymore. This is something they need to work through together and my situation was incredibly different to theirs.

I do actually like her hubby and I didn't know things were so bad with them but what do you really know about people's private lives unless they tell you otherwise? I just hope they find a solution that will have them both happy in the long run as neither of them sound it right now. It's something I need to be supportive with and at the same time keep my distance as it's something only they can judge and work on.

And Now I Can Add Agony Aunt To My List Of Activities On My Wife/Mother/Friend Job Description.

It's funny how sometimes, everyone else looks at you as more of an adult as you view yourself sometimes.

This week I have turned proper agony aunt in 2 incredibly different ways.

I've got to know a few of the mums in the village quite well. We all have kids around the same age and through each other have learnt about the local circuits of nurseries, parent and toddler groups and will get together at least once a week. Somehow I have become the one they ask advice from most. I have the oldest child out of the 4 of us that hang out and the other 3 have kids younger than Liam as well. So, I get to be the listening ear with all sorts of childhood behavioural issues and be the supportive buddy who has been through "that stage" with at least one of my boys.

Thursday was particularly nice as I got to play with a little 6 month old little boy. I miss my boys being that age but I wouldn't go back. The tickly tummies and the smiles you get from them that age is just the sweetest thing but that time for me has been and gone so I will just enjoy it with my friends kids.

On the other end of the scale another friend confided in me that her marriage has run into difficulties. The problems started about a year ago but the last 3 months have been especially hard as they now longer barely talk and when they do they just bicker and argue. They've been married 14 years and have 2 kids older than mine and she's become a very good friend in the last 9 or 10 months that I've really known her. She explained the problems and finished the sentence with "So, do you think I should leave him?"

Erm.... there's always a moment where you are put on the spot and you almost splutter out the coffee you are drinking over friends living room carpet because you just weren't expecting that.

I didn't know things were that bad with her hubby but I had a feeling things weren't so hunky dory when she told me in the past that she nearly had an affair earlier this year.

Now, let me explain that I believe I am a GOOD friend when I admit I said all this to her!

I am very much a REALISTIC friend.

When she told me she nearly had an affair and was still friends with the man involved. She explained it started as a bit of drunken flirting that led to a kiss and lots of text messaging and that she grew to have feelings for him. Looking back now, it started about the time she says things started getting worse with her hubby and I see it in a clearer light that this was probably a bit of a boost for her when she felt like everything was beginning to fall apart.

However, that didn't make it right.

I made it very clear to her that to get involved any further would be incredibly STUPID, that I would give her a good shaking (in a friendly manner) and if I ever met the man she told me about I would give him an earful of what I really think of him to still be in touch with her like he is and that he should start acting appropriately and let her get on with the life she has chosen and her responsibilities that go with it.

I thnk that she was a little shocked by my honesty about it all.

At the end of the day, I could have told her all sorts of things she wanted to hear, told her to go for it etc but I am not that sort of person.

A good friend should be someone that makes you see sense when the world isn't making much sense. To show you when the risk is not worth it. To  bring you back to reality and face up to your problems rather than look for something else that would only make the original problem bigger and more complicated than ever before.

So whilst she didn't have an affair, I think she still thinks about this other man alot and I can just see it doing her more damage. I've suggested she loses all contact but I know she doesn't want to. I know it's making her feel better in herself and the flattery is boosting her confidence but I don't want to see her life fall apart because of it.

I'm being supportive as best as I can cos she's a mate and I cannot live her life for her or tell her how to live her life so I am trying my best.

I won't tell her what she wants to hear at any point as it's not my responsibility and whilst I want her to be happy, I don't want her making big mistakes either. It's a bit of a crappy situation.

She also admitted this week that if it wasn't for the kids, she would have moved out by now which is sad that it's come to that but I've suggested that she rides the storm. Most marriages go through rough patches and to have got so far with no real issues has been good and to not give up too soon.

I also suggested that they have time alone together to talk properly, which is hard when they barely talk but they need to make the effort. Their kids are away this weekend with a grandparent so I hope they get the chance to talk properly whist they get the oppertunity.

I think I have handed out all the advice I can on marital matters this week. I can barely talk when my first marriage lasted less than 2 years in total but I know how you put up with things you are not happy with for the sake of kids, but in some ways her situation was very very different to mine but at the same times, we both have one major thing in common with our marital problems which I will explain another time.

Have a good weekend everyone. x

D.I.S.C.O, I am D.I.S.C.O

This weekend, I learnt 2 very valuable lessons in life.

1) I am no longer cut out for party, drinking weekends. I can't hack the late nights anymore and I had a rather nasty hangover for half the day after I had the drink. I never drank that much but I think it was because I had a little vodka. A drink I have never really enjoyed but they were sweet lemonade style bottled drinks and they were yum but they didn't agree with me. I actually think it was more the late night that did me in. I honestly can not remember the last time I crawled into my bed at 3.30am after a night out. It was weird. Still, with no kids we were able to sleep in until 12 noon. We were awake but just had a lazy morning in bed watching tv before venturing to the local market for about 1pm. We did enjoy the weekend as a relaxing break but realise that the party lifestyle is no longer us.

2) I now believe I was born in the wrong decade. I think I rocked the 70's style and it was a nice little confidence boost. The music was great fun and the music acts we saw were good even if we didn't know much about them.

I do like this photo. The blurred effect adds a little character. I LOVED the hair but would find it too much hard work in real life to be that thick and wavy. My natural hair is thick and wavy but would take forever to style to look slightly good.

I really did LOVE that hair. :)

They even had the groovy disco light floor that changed colours and patterns. I am easily impressed aren't I?

We enjoyed ourselves but probably won't be hurrying back on this type of weekend break anytime soon. I think the next one should be a city break for the two of us just to chill and take in some culture. We're growing up.

Legoland with the children was great last week. It rained alot but it's what you make it to be. Kids loved the rides and Matthew really loved it. I think he felt a bit gutted that he didn't go the first time now.

Wednesday was a bit of a silly day, I slipped down the stairs proper bruising myself all down my upper arm in the process. It still feels bruised now but the worst of the bruising is gone.

Friday was a sweet little day as we attended James's nursery's first ever little harvest festival. The kids were lovely singing their songs and counting and then they got a break and some snacks. Liam loved being in the presence of the nursery kids and Daddy came along too. It was a nice little thing to see.

Liam had his first ever singular professional photo taken at his nursery this morning. He really didn't like it. Poor boy so we will have to see how that comes out. I know he likes the nursery he is at but I do think the school one will be much better for him and he will have James alongside him when he goes up in January. Fingers crossed it actually looks like it really could be happening!!!! I am so pleased for the pair of them that they will get to spend a little time together before James goes up and it will make my life easier just having the one drop and 2 collections in the day rather than the 2 drops and 3 collections we have at the moment.

So then, now the family birthdays are all done (Apart from James in 1 month) and October is suddenly upon us thoughts turn to Christmas. Yep, I said it. Eeek,. I do love Christmas and we are planning on having the Christmas day and big dinner at home as we have done the last 2 years and possibly venturing out in the afternoon. Thne having family over the day after.