Numbers and Pictures.

It's now Wednesday afternoon and I have been trying to get a blog started since Sunday morning however, being the school holidays means we are busier than ever but here is my little window to get on with somewhat of a picture post as I have not done one for SO long.

So.... What has been going on in the last 2 and a half weeks.

1) The Royal Baby was born. A boy called George. Even over a week old, I still have the urge to break into a vocal performance of Karma Chameleon.

2) Cory Monteith died of a heroin overdose. That's scary, he never seemed "the type".

3) Liam has left playgroup. I cried.

4) The school fundraiser we had organised as a parents committee type thing a me jig summer school fete raised over £1000.

5) We were in the local paper for it:

That's me, Matthew and James on the left with some of the other mums and kids. Liam didn't want to be in the picture

6) Full story HERE if you wish to have a look.

7) As much as I have enjoyed the past 6 months, I have decided not to go back to the school volunteering in nursery and reception this year.

8) I have decided that I will volunteer at the local playgroup instead. Due to the mass exodus off to nursery this year they are down to just 6 children. This means that with a skeletal number of kids and 2 nursery nurses on maternity leave they have a severe staffing problems. Another member of staff has left to become a nanny and that leaves 2 nursery nurses and I would happily help them out as they need the help that bit more than the fully staffed school that has students for work experience and other parent helpers.

9) We went on holiday.

10) These 4 photo's are some of my favourites of the year so far:

11) James has his school uniform!

There will be many more to come when he starts school in September.

12) I'm rather emotional lately. In a happy way. So much happiness about, I am easy to get tears in the eyes.

13) I was never like this before I had kids but I was never this proud of things I'd achieved in my life before.

14) This is also a symptom of my hay fever which has been rather nasty this year.

15) I found on holiday that I was incredibly broody seeing all the babies and little toddlers about. Since being home, it's not been that bad.

So that's pretty much most of July covered. Love and Happiness to all for August.

That Balance Between The Bubble And Reality With Kids.

Today we wake up to the shocking passing of Cory Monteith of Glee.

He was found deceased in his hotel room by staff after failing to check out of his room on time. The reason is yet to be discovered but the British press is very quick to jump to the previous media stories of his stints in rehab.

Of course, this could be a completely innocent. Sudden Adult Death Syndrome can happen to anyone at anytime or he could have had an underlying medical condition such as a heart defect but sadly, the way the press are reporting the story, they are very much speculating that drugs may be involved. Whether it be accidental or intentional remains to be seen as the actor also struggled publicly with depression. Again, whether it was depression that lead to alcohol and drug abuse or the other way round, we should respect that a young man has lost his life too soon.

We live in an incredibly judgemental world.

A world where it's easy to find someone else to blame, someone else to accuse and any factor for just about anything these days.

Right now his family and friends and many fans are in mourning for a young man who meant alot to them all.

It's ALWAYS easy to say you should never take drugs or drink to excess. We don't always know the reasons why people start. For some it is something they can remain strong with but for others it's a long downward spiral. It was well documented he started drinking heavily young and was in rehab for alcohol at 19, he's since been in for drugs. The last time he left rehab was just April. He had tried to get help but sadly, it looks like it wasn't enough.

Again, I repeat this may NOT be anything to do with drugs, but since I am writing this post I am proving to be just as judgemental and quick to jump to conclusions as much as everyone else. (I never said I was perfect!)

Having 3 boys, drugs is one of my main worries as they grow older. I have already spoken with Matthew today about the dangers of drugs. He's a smart boy but easily influenced. Education is a big part of prevention when it comes to the things teenagers could do. I'd rather be honest with Matthew and educate him right than to have him try things because he doesn't understand them. Yet, I don't want him to rebel and try them regardless either.

I know I am writing alot about parenting lately but there is very much a style to parenting. People will always have differing ideas. Some people like to keep their kids in a bubble and there will be real culture shocks as the children grow older. This is the main reason I disagree with homeschooling. Children need to mix with all sorts of people to see that everyone is different. They need to see good and bad in the world. They need to make up their own minds as they grow older and make calculated decisions on their own.

I won't always agree with my childrens choices as they don't always agree with mine (generally that I AM boss of them, not the other way round) and as children become older, they need to work out what is right and wrong on their own as well through living not just through textbooks and what mum and dad say.

I know some people won't agree with me talking about drugs with my 9 year old son.

It's one of those touchy subjects on how much you can protect a child from lifes brutalities but keep them informed enough to not make bad choices.

 I don't go into too much detail, I just explain that some drugs lead to stronger drugs and that people can't always give them up. When the drugs take over, the person becomes less of that person, they change and they aren't always nice people. Sometimes, drugs can kill and it's not worth getting started as it will only make too many people upset and worried about them.

I think he understands it all based on his levels of understanding.

Just what is that answer of  "this is what we should do" when the subject eventually comes up, to where is that fine line of overprotecting and being to brutal and realistic with kids.

There are good and bad parents out there. There are parents that do abuse alcohol and drugs in the family home then there are those who have never touched a drop of alcohol or ever experimented with drugs. In modern society, the latter is by far in the minority.

Even I like a little much drink occasionally. It has never taken over my life and I do not drink in the home. I drink less than I used to and I may go out for a drink and socialising about once a month. It will always be when I know my kids are in good company. A grandparent babysits and will do so overnight. Sometimes we go away for the night, sometimes we come back late after a few drinks but I don't come back in a terrible state. I am no longer a teen or in my twenties and I have bigger things to worry about. I have responsibilities now that I never had when I was younger but I did enjoy my young adult years. I don't even drink in my home. Maybe 1 small bottle of beer with a curry but beyond that I don't drink at home. Even with bbq's in summer I stick to soft drinks. Why? Because if something ever happened to the kids when I was under the influence so to speak, I would never forgive myself. I have a huge sense of responsibility and should I ever have to take a child to hospital then it would not look good if mum and dad were clearly drunk. I can't do that to my kids and I'd never cope with the guilt.

Like I said, I am no perfect parent, I need time for me too so like I said I go out and enjoy myself knowing that they are in capable hands should there be an emergency. All parents need a break and to be themselves rather than just be mum and dad but it's about keeping responsible in such times.

There's so much in life we cannot control. Accidents are unforeseen incidents that cannot be avoided and there are not always reasons why certain things happen.

Back to Cory, if his death is due to an accident or a medical reason then the press should be ashamed for making such a big deal of his damaged past. Unfortunately, all too often with the media, there is no smoke without fire and all too often a small part of something has been unintentionally leaked to make more accurate story before the real cause of death is announced.

Transition Time

It's getting near that emotional time of year.

I have spent much of the last week feeling sentimental and looking back on the kids and how they have grown up so darn quick.

As a mum you spend all your time striving towards the next milestone, the next step of their development.

You plan so much. You think how hectic life is and look forward to the time they go to school. Before you know it, they ARE going to playgroup, then they go to nursery and before you know it they are off to full time education.  It goes by so fast.

The whole week that has just gone has been a mix of education and medical meetings.

The kids have all had their transfer day where they move up to the next class and got to meet their new teachers. Liam already knows his two teachers as we see them every day when we drop James. He can't wait to go to the school nursery. James has one new teacher and one teacher he knows. For his first 6 months at nursery he had a teacher that went off on maternity leave. She is now back as one of his teachers this year and is very happy and comfortable with someone he already knows so hopefully it won't be too daunting. Matthew knows his teacher through the school and she is supposed to be very good.

It will be a big culture shock having James at school all day. They explained how they would like us to all gather at the reception class doors and bundle all the children in together without parents so they can get used to the new way quickly. Personally, I whole heartedly agree with this. There were a lot of parents arguing that if their child is crying they would feel bad. Having watched kids in nursery and playgroup, I am very much aware how this crying lasts longer when mum or dad is an audience. There will be nervous and uneasy kids, it's a big step for a 4 year old but this is the first step to a real school life. They will do fine.

The meeting about reception felt more like a lecture on being on time for school for half the meeting but in general it was a rather bittersweet feeling. You feel proud that they are growing up so wonderfully but realise that this is a whole new stage of their lives and that now they really are mainstream school children.

It's going to be so cute seeing them go in with their school uniforms and lunch bags. They were given their school bags this week and James was really proud.

Nothing at all changes for Liam joining nursery.

So the kids are all at that stage of transition where they will all suddenly seem that much bigger after the school holidays.

As for medical things, James' teachers are concerned not just about his speech but also his understanding. Last Tuesday James' nursery teacher came with us to the GP with a personal portrait on what James can't do in class to keep up with his friends. Some of the things on the list seem very petty and for a good deal of the things they are concerned about, James has been there, done that and grown out of it. James has a great logical brain, He has good motor skills but his teachers worry that he doesn't make noise when playing with cars. He did this when he was 1-2 yrs old. He's grown out of that now. He doesn't seem to understand the concept of playing snap - He plays it ALL THE TIME at home so I assume he was bored playing it at school. At home, I see a very different side to the shy quiet little boy they have in class. Deep down, James seems very mature for his age and he is not doing the things they expect him to as he sees it as "babyish".

So to keep the school happy and to tick all the right boxes for helping my child, I took him along to the doctors and they will refer him to the child development clinic for full tests to see how he gets on and what they think. James is just a fairly quiet boy that thinks alot. We'll just see how that goes.

On the Wednesday we went to Bury St Edmunds diabetes care unit as hubby left his insulin at work and had none in the house spare. They gave us loads of extra spares to make sure there was always some available.

Friday Liam went back to the speech therapist. She agreed that he had improved greatly since our initial meeting but would still recommend the group therapy they have for children behind in speech. We are still waiting to hear about this. They say they hope to fit him in before Christmas so it's just a case of waiting again.

Yesterday we had the local health visitor visit. She was lovely (normally I have a severe dislike of these professionals) and seeing the boys in their homes confirmed Liam was behind in his speech but was far from concerned. He's not in mainstream school yet and he is the youngest so it's not common to be left behind on speech at this age. As for James, he was very comfortable talking to her in his home environment talking about the things he was interested in. She could understand him clearly and he was very confident as he was doing what he wanted and able to explain his ideas. She asked if he shows an interest in language and I told her how I start bedtime stories and leave gaps for the kids to fill the story with their imagination. She told me I was doing everything they would normally recommend to help them improve language skills and that following our little meeting she was more than happy with what she had seen and that she would not need to do a repeat or follow up visit unless I initiated it and wanted any advice or help at all. She was LOVELY, very down to earth and a mum to 3 boys herself so she understood a lot of what we are going through with the school and how they DO help but alot of the time it's to have all the right records on them as teachers and show the school is doing well.

So that's the past week and a half in a nutshell.

Hey, You, Yes - You There, My Blog Is A Little Different But It's Still Me.

Dearest blog friends, I raise a question at the end and I would LOVE to have some input from anyone who reads this as I do think it would be interesting to see peoples responses.

So straight on to the newness and the change in style. Beccas Family Of 5 needed a little facelift. I've been working on making this a bit more up to date for modern life. Yes, there are still 5 of us and I don't intend on that number growing but how many of us have watched movies where they get the happy ending and that's it and felt a bit disappointed.

In life, nothing is ever really over.

What is the old saying,

The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes over time.

It is a constant reminder that nothing is ever finished. Even when it comes to death, someone else has that story to share once that person is gone. A story never ends, the story will always grow.

I am far from the person I was when I started blogging. A fellow blogger raised that question the other day as to why people blog and I answered, as I always do with my heart:

Here's my guilty secret, I've been blogging for 15 years. That's almost half my life.

I started at Diaryland when I was 18 to vent the teenage work/boyfriend stuff, then I developed as a person, had more boyfriends, met my husband, got pregnant, got married, had a baby, separated after years of "domestic violence" and being controlled.

Again, I developed as a person, became a better person, became a better mother, started dating again, had some real failures but eventually met my husband, had 2 more sons, divorced, moved house and remarried.

Then since 2010 life has been rather level so I am now on blogger and intend to stay until I have no more journeys or adventures left to share.

I've loved, I've lost, I've hated, I've cried, I've made numerous  stupid stupid mistakes, I've trusted and cared for the wrong people, I've become guarded, I let down my walls, I've had my heart on my sleeve and my page for all my adult life. I've smouldered with hurt and frustration and had a health scare or two.

My blog and every form of it is who I am! Who I've become through the tough times, what's made me strong  and has over those 15 years made me who I am today. A few times I've been tempted to stop but you know what? I actually enjoy this and I have made some lovely blog friends along the way.

So whether you be new or old visiting my diary tell me about you, Why do you Blog? What is the main purpose for you being here? How long have you blogged? Have you changed much over that time and what makes you keep coming back?

Please leave a comment and I will be very interested to get to know you all better.

Lots of Love to you all. Mwah xxx