Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween to my Halloween loving friends.

I have a couple of questions to ask about this celebration.

Don't think of me as argumentative or pedantic but why is Halloween so BIG in the US?

I mean, it's not so big here in the UK but it does seem to grow year upon year.

I understand that it's mostly a bit of fun that you can involve the kids in. That I do understand.

What I don't understand is why the night of the undead, of satanic evil creatures are celebrated in such a God loving society.

I accept it's a traditionally pre-christianity and a pagan ceremony so I understand why other religions may celebrate it but not why all of a whole continent goes a little crazy over it.

When I visited America way back in 1990 it was September and the shops were set up like ours are at Christmas but this was the preparation for Halloween. I had never seen anything like it. I'd never seen so many decorations for Halloween when back in England we had a selection of witch outfits or skeleton masks.

Maybe I over estimate the American (and Canadian?) population with their Godliness and the faith they have but why celebrate the work of the devil when the next day is a far friendlier celebration?

November 1st is All Saints Day. A day of love and peace to remember all the people that were Sainted by the Church for their good deeds and is a celebration of their work in the communities they lived. Surely this is a better day to celebrate for the religious?

Surely it's better to celebrate the good that's been done in life other than death and the occult?

Why is the dark side of faith (another sects faith at that)  favoured over the good?

Maybe it would just be wrong in the eyes of God to imitate Saints?? But it's ok to impersonate a zombie or  blood sucking killer Vampire???  I don't know. I may just be looking too far into things. 

Like I said, I know alot of it is based upon FUN but I like to try and teach my kids about the origins of traditions and I believe that so much of that has been lost to a bunch of people who see Halloween as another holiday to make lots of bucks.

Now, I am not a follower of any religion. I just try to live the best life I can to make myself and others happy. I don't attend church and I don't celebrate any religious holidays besides Christmas and Easter - even then Easter is a small affair where I would rather buy the kids gifts than give them more chocolate and Easter in England is about as religious as a sock! Chocolate overpowers the origins and Jesus death is just something covered in school assembly before the power of the Easter Bunny and Chocolate Eggs are back in the forefront of kids minds.

Yes I do also understand that modern Christmas decorations such as christmas trees and decorative wreaths are more symbolism of paganism once again and maybe I am more understanding on the traditions of Christmas because it's something I've been bought up doing. Halloween in the 80's in England was a small affair and once or twice I may have dressed up a witch but that would have been about it.
 
The world seems to have sold out to everything these days.

Whilst I don't celebrate Halloween and will be a big Scrooge and not be opening the door to trick or treaters this year, (yes, I know it's the wrong time of the year for Scrooge) I wish all those who have Halloween plans this weekend a great time and have fun on thier spooking adventures.

Listy Post

Rather than finish the week with 2 negative posts, here is a listy post.

1. Something strange happened the other day. My driving lesson not only went very very smoothly but certain things clicked. Suddenly, much of what I had been taught over the previous 3 months all suddenly made sense and the things I had found myself struggling with most were not only do-able but I got them right time and time again. I know I still have a way to go but my confidence is growing more and more by the week and I am feeling good with my progress.

2. James is hilarious right now. Trying to teach him the village we lived in this week, I asked him if he lived in Long Melford to which James replied "No, I live this house!" My funny boy. We've had a week of doing potty training yet again and we are slowly getting there. We are seeing improvements but are yet to go back to pants and would soon like a trip out without a nappy. Matthew was VERY quick at potty training but James seems happy to be in nappies. He likes nothing more than reading toy magazines as he sits and goes to the toilet.

3. Things with Matthew have been rather good this week. I am more patient, I am taking more time to have one on one time with him and we've been having fun together. We've been playing on the Wii and Matthew is rather good at bowing and enjoys the tennis. Sport is always the one thing that Matthew enjoys and it keeps him focussed. I tire of it myself but I need to encourage my kids interest as much as I possibly can and I am enjoying the challenge. :)

4.  We are thinking about taking the kids to Disneyland next year. It will be very costly but it would be a great experience for us all. I just hate flying and cannot see how the kids are going to remain seated all that time. But it's something we should do while the kids are still young enough to enjoy it.

5.  My sister in law is STILL pregnant. On Sunday she will be 42 weeks and if baby has not arrived by 31st Oct, she will be induced early on Tuesday. This will be Nov 1st and James birthday. We may have cousins sharing a birthday. We may also have 2 babies in the family born the day before their dads birthdays. Or if she is in labour a while, baby may share his/her daddys birthday of Nov 2nd.

6. This afternoon we wll go out for a nice walk and I hope to take my camera (if I remember it) so we can find some nice nature pictures and get more pics of the kids.

7. As much as I love some of the traditions of British Royalty, I welcome change. A new law has been passed that from today whoever is closest in line to the throne will become monarch. Males have always been ahead when it comes to succession but not any more.It currently stands with Prince Charles due to be next King, then Prince William. However, when Prince William and his with Kate have their first child, they will be next in line to the throne whether it's a male or female heir. Women have always been ignored by birth order and the only reason Britain has had Queens is because the Royal bloodline lacked a male heir so they had to have a Queen to pass on the Royal blood but now Birth Order will be the one thing that defines our future Monarchs.

Contraception Is Evil And Tricks The Body But Not The Brain (So Much)

I am feeling so much brighter since when I last posted. Thank you SO much for your views and advice. It does mean alot to me.

I guess we all have moments where we just feel like life is getting to us and at this point, it seemed to be getting to me via my kids.

My contraceptive injection is alot to blame I think.

I've been feeling rather crappy since I've had it. Restless, crampy, hungry, weight gain, hormonal, sensitive, sore boobs, tired, stressed out over nothing etc.

You know, all those wonderful early pregnancy signs whilst I know I have gone against nature and done something preventeing more children. In pregnancy I can deal with it, I have something good to focus on at the end. But this??? It just sucks that I get all this and no baby which I would quite like. Ugh! I think that before my next one is due in January I may have to re-evaluate whether to stick with it or try something else.

Since the last post, I've tried to change some of my approach with Matthew. To be more understanding, not to yell quite so quickly and to explain things more, like why he needs to get his shoes on quicker or why he can't go to the shops with mud covered knees. I know the repetition thing probably won't stop, but I am learning to be more patient as he understands why it's important to do things in a set pattern. Matthew is very much a creature of habit and likes routine so hopefully this will help us both as we wait for official diagnosis.

Liam is fine so far. As always, there has been no sign of his hernia since the doctors appointment but something has been said and like I said hopefully we can get this fixed or some form of proper advice before it does become an Emergency job like before.

We are back to potty training with James again. It has been so stop start for so long. We're doing well. James also is a creature of of habit and is reluctant to give up the nappies. But we will get things as they should be soon. Liam also seems interested in potty training but I don't think he is ready just yet. James just wants to get on with life, why should he try to pee in a potty when a nappy is available? So every morning this week, he has been nappy free and using his potty well, we just need to try and get him to tell us when he needs to go more and for him to understand why we have to take our pants down/off to go to the toilet. You forget about all these little things like teething and potty training when you have an older child or before they get to these stages. I love lifes little challenges.

I've noticed a lot of other bloggers and people on facebook complaining of insomnia and headaches this week. Add me to the list of those. I've been sleeping so rubbish of late it's not funny. If I am not tossing and turning all night I tend to wake up around midnight for an hour then I wake up around 3am-4am and cannot get back to sleep. This means I am very reluctant to get up in the mornings. Thus escalating as I don't have much energy to do things with the kids, I have a constant tired headache, throw in the post contraceptive symptoms and my patience gets very worn by late afternoon so kids end up fed, bathed and put to bed by 7pm. By the end of the day I am ready to crash about 9pm. However if I go to bed early, I know damn well I will be awake in the night or up and wide awake around 5am with my body having no intention of trying to get back to sleep again.

Sorry for a bit of whiny entry but it's an improvement on the last one where I was just miserable. :)

STRESSED With A Capital S

I've had this window open for over an hour wondering where to start. There's things I want to say but at the same time, I don't.

I suppose I should start with Matthew.

Last Wednesday I went to his parents evening. He is doing very well in maths and science but is still behind in writing though improving slowly. I know he tries hard and I cannot ask for more than that. However, his new teacher did raise concerns about his behaviour. Not that he's particularly badly behaved but because he finds it hard to settle. He can be incredibly disorganised and loses focus easily. He doesn't interrupt the class but he will shout out answers and give additional information that they haven't yet got to. Matthews mind is ahead all the time and his knowledge is crazy for a boy his age. He's highly excitable, likes to be the centre of attention and is rarely still. Because of all this his teacher continued to explain that "no-one likes being labelled but it would probably be worth looking further into this". Immediately my heart sunk but I felt so relieved at the same time. I asked if she thought he had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and she just said that at the age Matthew is at now he should be alot more settled in class.

I went on to explain how I have been concerned about his behaviour for years only to be fobbed off over and over by being told by teachers and health professionals that it's too early to tell and it's highly likely something he will grow out of. I always feared it was more than that. More so since having the two younger boys as even to this day it is much easier taking care of the two babies than it is taking care of Matthew on a daily basis. I explained how I have ALWAYS taken great care in asking his previous teachers about his behaviour. I needed to know how he was behaving at school and for every time they said it was probably just his age, I felt more and more useless as a mum and that I was looking for excuses.

I explained I first noticed it when he was around 2, his behaviour still was not good at pre-school and whilst he has improved greatly over the past few years, I still find certain situations hard and I feel so guilty that I have not been able to get him help, get myself help and that my silent fears and screams have been ignored for close to 6 years.

She was very understanding and looked sympathetic, I felt defeated. I could feel the tears welling up and I know my voice changed. I am sure she sensed that. She suggested that after these holidays I do a questionairre on Matthews behaviour at home. She said it wasn't anything too severe just asking a few questions about restlessness and if he has a temper.

Some days I am close to tears with Matthews behaviour. If I say something to him once I have to say it a dozen times, I feel so useless. I feel that I am always on at him and occassionally I regret to say it that I lose my temper and end up saying all the things I shouldn't. I've been known to call him stupid when I know he is far from that, and my biggest fault is speaking before I think - especially when angry and upset. 

It sounds terrible but I do think Matthew sometimes brings out the worst in me.

I love that boy to bits, he's my oldest boy. My first born son but whilst I love him I could sometimes just cry with frustration and on occassions, I really DO NOT like the person he sometimes is.

I feel a really bad mother.

Especially since the two younger boys are so much calmer, relaxed and enjoyable to be around.  I feel that I do give them more attention and treats that Matthew and that this does not help. I know I often favour them over Matthew and fear that this is making things worse. As much as I hate to admit it, and mothers shouldn't admit it but there is a difference when it comes to loving your kids - I just hope it isn't visible to all.  I feel bad enough about it already.

Weekends and school holidays are additional stress and I hate feeling like this. I love Matthew, I just feel that I would love him more if he behaved "better".

I am not here to run my son down but I am only just touching the iceberg on the difficulties I can have. 

I worry about him. He seems to completely lack common sense and whilst he will be 8 in January he seems to have no road sense despite me repeatedly telling him the same things over and over.

He has the sweetest nature, he loves his little brothers so much and I can't help but feel I have let him down for so long. 

I've asked about his behaviour so many times, I've taken it well and been hopeful when there have always been signs of improvement but why didn't I just ask for help properly?

I suppose that after the questionnaire, he will be referred to a doctor and it will be looked at more in depth there but whilst I want him better I don't like the thought of my 7 year old son on medication. I just hope it's not that severe. I control his diet to involve fresh home cooked foods and try to keep sugar and preservatives to a minimum but it's obviously not working.

Whilst I feel bad that it's taken to year 3 for someone to actually take me seriously I feel that maybe I should have pushed more. Though the reality is that I didn't want to think there was something wrong with Matthew and that most kids his age every now and then drive their mothers crazy!

As bad as I feel that the teachers see it, it's a relief that it's not just me and hubby that find this is not how things should be. And although I would never want anything to be wrong with him in any way, a definite diagnosis could help us all as a family so much and we can begin to move on to making his life easier for him too. 

Now it's just a case of wait and see.

Also last week, adding to my stresses, I had to take Liam to the doctors on Friday. He had an inguinal hernia as a baby and it was operated on when he was a mere 9 weeks old. For anyone who doesn't understand an inguinal hernia, it's basically a weakness in the wall of the stomach which means that his intestine protrudes and appears as a lump in the groin area. He had this stomach wall repaired and all was well. 

Until summer. 

On our summer holiday this year I noticed a swelling in the same place. We were always taught that light circular massage would put the intestine back in place but if it ever did not go back then the risk of strangulation of the intestine was high and could cause serious damage or death. So, on holiday it was there a couple of mornings. It went away again. It happened a couple more times in September. By the time I got an appointment with the Doctor, it had gone and was showing no problems. 

However, in the last couple of weeks it has been back again and I am now getting worried as it is becoming more frequent. So we went off to the Doctors, spoke it through with her and explained about my main concern being the frequency of the swelling so she has written off to both our local hospital and the childrens hospital where Liam had his surgery to discuss the best treatment from here.

Realistically, I think we are looking at a second repair op. The operation involved a small incision and his stomach muscle being glued. Sometimes they use a netting device to stop the intestine getting through but I am not sure if they did that or not. Either way, despite the first operation, It doesn't appear to be perfectly healed and it is highly probable that things will get worse and will have more of an effect on his health. For now it isn't affecting his eating or causing him any pain but he is finding the massage a little uncomfortable at times. So I do feel that we may be having a day or two in hospital before Christmas to get this sorted out. If it's becoming more frequent now, then I don't see it easing off.

So I guess that's why I haven't said much the last few days. Part of me wanted to avoid this post entirely but writing could have me look back in 6 months and see the difference. Who knows?

Planning Ahead

Last night we booked a pre-christmas weekend break.

We are going 16th December to where we always take the kids on holiday. They absolutely love it but add in the magic of christmas and I am sure it will be a trip to remember. I can't wait. James knows but doesn't always know how to communicate. Liam doesn't understand and for Matthew it will be a big surprise when we pick him up from school and head off for a couple of days of festive fun.

Today is a mad day of running back and forth to schools.

First we dropped off Matthew then James at school (1 hour walk total)

At noon, I will leave to collect James (30 minute walk)

2.55 Go to collect Matthew. (50 minute walk)

4.50 Back to school again for Matthews parents evening (45 minute walk since I wont have the little ones with me)

I can only imagine I will be home around 6pm since our appointment with Matthews teacher is at 5.20 and teachers are always running late at these things! Not that I mind at all. I would much rather have a teacher that talks in depth where possible rather than skims over the basics and hurries parents out.

Today we paid out for the kids school photo. It was BEAUTIFUL. I am so proud! You will all be getting a peek when I get the full size version back after half term even if it is a photo of a photo. It is Liams first professional photo which I feel majorly guilty about. Matthew and James had professional photos around a year, we never got round to it with Liam. But I really can't wait for a good portrait picture of the 3 of them together.

I only have tomorrow of being up and out by 8.30 then Friday is a non pupil day and the start of half term. The kids return to school on October 31st! Brave teachers having a bunch of Halloween hyper kids in that day. haha. The following day will be James 3rd birthday - I gave birth early on All Saints Day and the day after that will be the beginning of the last term for James at playgroup before starting at Matthews school in January.

Also thinking ahead it's back to the nurse for the contraceptive injection on Friday. :( I don't really want it but hey ho, as much as I would love another baby it's looking increasingly unlikely and I don't want to get my hopes up. I just have to wait and see how things go over the next few months.

Today I had a little glimpse at what it would actually be like being pushchair free. Liam wanted to walk back from James's playgroup and made it halfway back before he got too tired. For a small moment I was able to imagine him walking everywhere. Even James managed to walk all the way to Matthews school this morning. I quite liked the vision.So, if my 3 little wonderful boys are all I am destined to have, then it wouldn't be a bad thing at all.

p.s don't forget to check out my diet blog if you haven't already done so. x

This Year Will Be An Artistic Christmas

I have started a weightloss blog.  If you are interested you should be able to access it via my "About Me" link on the right. So go and add me if you wish to follow my journey. That means no more diet/weight loss talk here so I hope I don't lose many followers here.

I've been thinking alot about christmas the past few days and this year we are going to do something different to make it a little more special.

We are going to have a real tree for the first time since we've had the two young ones. To make it super special we are going to make our own tree decorations!

Today James, Liam and myself dropped Matthew off at school and headed up to the local garden centre/shop that sells virtually everything for inspiration. Their christmas display isn't as good as in previous years and I did not get any extra ideas to those I already had.

We then went round the grounds of the beautiful Melford Hall.

We found so many pinecones we just had to collect some of the best quality ones.

The plan is to dry them out a little and then nearer the time we intend to dip them in clear drying glue and then dip them in silver or gold glitter. The lower bristles on the cone may need a little work with a paintbrush but I want the kids to get involved and have fun making creations for the tree. James and Matthew will love participating as for Liam, he may still be a tiny bit too young.

I would also like to make some clothes peg angels. Where you get an old fashioned clothes peg, draw on a face and make a dress of felt and some wings and a halo with some pipe cleaners. Like so....

Finally, I am going to bake some decorations. I am going to make some gingerbread festive shape cookies with a stain glass effect twist. All cleverly done by a shape cut out the middle and a fruit sweet melted in the centre. Like so.....

These should be nice and easy to do. I just have to find the right cookie cutters and if all else fails, then these heart ones would be lovely.

All of the ideas above will be hand tied with ribbon to be hung from the tree.

We will also look at making paper chains though we will have to work out if they are safe with the lights we are yet to buy.

So all in all, it will be a lovely homemade christmas where me and the kids will get involved and make it more kiddy themed. After all Christmas is about the little people.

As for Christmas presents, we have Matthews gift sorted but no-one elses yet. We are going to buy Matthew a tv for his bedroom. My mum and dad want to chip in too and my nan will buy him a dvd player. We are happy for him to have a tv as he is approaching 8 years old and he is VERY good when it comes to following rules with tv downstairs so we are willing to do this for him. As long as he understands no tv after 8pm means just that (unless it's a special football match on tv or something) then we should have no problems. He's growing up so fast and we would like to encourage that with a sense of responsibility. I think he will do well.

Five Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me.

I feel like doing something a little different today. Something light and airy to take us into the weekend.  A little Meme type thing.

1. In My Handbag Right Now

They say a lot can be said by a womans handbag. Mine contains the following:

Mascara, eyeliner, , foundation, finishing powder, eyeshadow, hand cream. hair ties.
A paid bill. An appointment card dating back to June.
A handful of receipts. A prize draw card.
Empty biscuit packets, kids cutlery, plasters. mints, gum, a pen and a toy man from duplo bricks.

Yes it's a mess, yes it needs sorting and whilst it sounds like a Mary Poppins bag, it's not that big.

2. My Favourite Musical

I always surprise people with this one, and I would reward a person who ever guessed this right as 99% of people would not get it. Whilst the fashion is still there,  so many modern theatrical musicals and movies remain popular. My favourite is not. Mine is far from the likes of Grease, Avenue Q, Joseph, Hairspray and the like.

Any ideas yet?

I bet Les Miserables never came into thought did it?

I first saw it many many years ago. I was a teenager living with my parents. One of the tv stations recorded the stage version for television over christmas. This was one of the standout moments I remember. I have NEVER felt such emotion through tv, the love, despair, hurt, sadness, determination, bravery and tragedy surrounding a form of revolution left me in tears. Never has anything fictional since had such a profound effect. Even to this day, it would be the one thing I would pay good money to see in a London Theatre. Even now the songs still make me go cold and bring a tear to my eye. I am such a soppy thing!

On the opposite end of the spectrum I also love Rocky Horror and Avenue Q just for good measure.

3. As A Child I Wanted To Be:

Like many girls, from a young age I decided I wanted to be a nurse. This did not last long. By the time I was in year 4 of school I started to realise I had a love for writing. At the time I was ahead of my class, I enjoyed my English lessons and I had a good imagination. We would often write stories and I always got very good marks for it. I also had a good teacher. By year 6, I had Mr Adams the best teacher ever and he would really encourage me. It was around this age I decided I would like to be a journalist, writing for local papers and the such. By secondary school, there were so many options, so many new paths to try, so many new subjects. I discovered I was also good at Religious Studies where we spent alot of our time arguing over moral issues and again, my RE teacher which coincidently was another Mr Adams told me I should go into pyschology and that I would be good at it. It could open so many doors and he thought I would do incredibly well in life if I set my mind to criminology. Looking back now, he was right. It would be fantastic to do something like that. By then I had my mind set on childcare. But by the end of school, I was signed up for college. I had been offered a childcare course, and a place in college doing A Level, Psychology, Sociology and Advanced English Writing. With my dream of child care in one hand and what I could do well in the other I did neither and went straight into work instead.

I don't regret this decision in the slightest. If I hadn't have had the jobs I had, if I hadn't taken the path I did upon leaving school at 16 then I wouldn't be here with what I have today. I strongly believe in no regrets. Each choice we make is a step on a journey, we don't see it at the time but I like to believe in the bigger scheme of things. Where certain points in life create others. Sometimes I do think though that maybe I should do a criminology, sociology and psychology course. Not necessarily to get a career in it but for something for myself to do. And who knows, maybe with enough knowledge I can become a writer of sorts after all.

4. I Would Love A Return Visit To:

The Tower Of London.

I first visited the Tower in 1989. I remember the year clearly as it was the summer that we didn't go abroad on our holidays. My parents had booked our 1990 holiday to Florida so we were on a budget holiday this year. We stayed in East London with my grandparents (my dads parents) and holidayed like the tourists.

We visited many of  Londons museums and places of historic interest. At the time, I enjoyed it but now older and wiser and a lot more knowledgable in the dark history of the tower, I realise that it's not just the place where the crown jewels belonging to The Queen are kept.

Over the years I've heard more about the jail, that this is the place where Guy Fawkes was imprisoned and sentenced to death. Then there's the tale of the Princes In The Tower. The tale tells of two brothers heir to the throne in the late 1400's. Their jealous uncle felt that he should be the next King of England and it was believed he banished the boys to the tower and left them to die. For many years rumours circulated as to whether it was a grand tale of Royalty or if the truth really was as dark and nasty as it seemed. The bones of the boys were eventually found during some renovating work in the 1600's.

I'd love to go back and experience it as an adult, I know I really would appreciate it that little bit more.

5. Can You Point Your Fingers and Do The Twist? I Can and Do It Regularly!

My big guilty secret in life is that if you were to look through my living room window at various times of the day you could catch me in full song and dance mode as I help to entertain the little people by pretending to be the 5th Wiggle - The Imaginary Pink Wiggle. Ha!

Yes, I shamelessly admit that I am a closet Wiggles fan. I TOTALLY understand why kids love it. It's so bright and fun and full of so much that kids can learn without actually realising they are learning. I love love love it. My kids watch it and love it but that's down to my influence more than theirs. It's not been quite the same since Yellow Wiggle Greg left and Sam (pictured) took over but I still love it all the same (and Sam.does have a certain charm about him that I like. HELP!!!!!)

So, if you don't mind excusing me I am now off to hide my face from the outside world for a bit to hide my secret shame.

Thunderbolt Wow Moment.

Thank you ladies for making me feel less of a freak yesterday. I hate those sort of frustrations, but I do believe that I am over this bad period or at least very well on my way out of it.

I also believe that it will be one of those Thunderbolt moments when I do see the weight loss. You don't see things little by little but you see when things change a fair bit. This happened to me today. I took the kids to school as per norm but for once had my hair down! It was only when I caught sight of myself as a reflection that I thought "Wow, I didn't realise my hair had got so long!" Obviously I know I am trying to grow my hair but it still seemed a surprise that it looked like it did this morning. So I am hoping that once I am a size or two (or a stone or two) smaller then I may get a Thunderbolt Wow Moment again then.

It's been a chaotic week with some highs and lows.

On Saturday we had my mother in law over and I cooked a big roast beef dinner followed by a gooey chocolate orange sandwich cake. It all went down very well. Afterwards we made a trip to one of our favourite garden centres. We especially love their aquatic department and from the first week of October they really kit out the building for Christmas. It really is magical for the kids who love spending time looking at all the tree decorations, the standing decorations and the lights. I could really spend loads of money in that place. I do love preparing for christmas! Speaking of which, we have made plans for christmas so now we know what we are doing the preparation can begin.

On Monday hubby, myself and the boys went grocery shopping. He opened the boot, placed his keys on the shelf and the door slammed shut promptly locking itself. After 40 minutes of trying to break into a central locking 4x4 Honda with no success, the store manager took hubby on a 60 mile round journey back to our house to collect the spare key from home and back to the store. For 2 hours, the boys and I sat in the staff canteen. They looked after us remarkably well, especially since this was the stores opening day. Hubby was livid. I found it rather humourous but I know I would have never lived it down if it had been me lock the keys in the car. Obviously this is the very short version of events but it stopped Monday being a totally dull start to the week.

On Tuesday I had a bad driving lesson. The last 2 have been great so I knew I was due a bad one but I did get to do some bay parking and see new places I had not been as well as spend more time on the dual carriageway so it wasn't all bad. I just get so frustrated by mistakes when I know I shouldn't be making the silly mistakes I do. Grrrr. Matthew had a school trip to Colchester Castle and absolutely loved it. He really is a bit of a history buff with Romans being his favourite topic. 

Yesterday we got the preview of the kids school photo. I knew we would get a couple of good shots and I am so looking forward to getting them! We have ordered a decent size photo package but once we have a decent photograph we can get it copied and reproduce as many as required.

Today we spent the morning in the nursery department of Matthews school ready for James being admitted in January. I still can't believe that in a little less than 3 months I will have two boys going to school 5 days a week!!!! I will have Liam home with me in the mornings of course but James seems to be growing up so quickly! I am also looking forward to the extra school collection in the day time - it means a little more essential exercise that I can't really find an excuse to get out of. Every little helps. James and Liam both loved it and there will be an induction day for James early December. I think it's going to do him a world of good.

No new baby in the family as yet - new baby T is more stubborn than my boys ever were.

So that's this week up to date. It's been interesting to say the least.

I hope everyone else is having an enjoyable week. x

Disillusioned

I haven't written much about my weight loss recently.

This is not because I am failing massively as per norm but I am doing well. I have lost 16lbs in 5 weeks and whilst I am happy with the figures I am not so happy with my figure.

16lbs is a good weight loss but I don't see it!

I am having one of those weeks of it. I started feeling a little depressed about it on Thursday. That feeling is still here.

I still see masses of fat around my middle. Although it looks a little less fat than before, I still see it and not much else.

At the moment, my brain tells me I want to be another stone (14lbs) lighter and that will make me feel better and a more confident person. But I am already realising that the number on the scales doesn't necessarily reflect on how we see ourselves.
I think I am having one of those disillusioned phases but it's not going to make me try any less harder to move some lbs.

I think it partly comes down to the belief that I've always blamed my weight on everything bad in my life. Over the past 3-4 years I've realised that I can be happy regardless of my weight. It's how you live life that most matters. I am a very very happy and settled person and my weight these days is not my highest priority.

I cannot say I am 100% happy with my body image and I would never say no to a magic pill that could have me 50lbs lighter over night but I am seeing that this is a gradual process. There is no miracle cure when you have got used to being overweight all your life but I am finding that it's not the be all and end all. I can live a happy life even if I have the odd body niggles like everyone else.

Ideally I would love to be 50lb-60lb lighter but big changes come via small steps. I am losing weight at the moment and whilst that is going incredibly well I am going to stick with the eating patterns and exercise my body has come accustomed to. Whilst that would still have me in the "overweight" category, I feel that I will be far healthier which is what all this is for.

I don't have any weight related health issues now but I know that as I get older the chances of getting a health issue increases.

INCREDIBLY  I am only 3lbs away from the target I set myself for Christmas. If I carry on at the rate I have been losing weight the past few weeks I may make it by next week. I just hope I don't feel so disillusioned when I do hit that mini target. I will then make my next target of losing 5% of my body weight in time for christmas. 5% is a drop in the ocean but lots of 5%'s = a big percentage loss in total.

For people like me, losing weight is not something I will do for a few months, reach my goal and maintain it. It is proving to be a lifelong challenge. I first joined a slimming club 13 years ago. I find it easier and better doing things my own way though and it worked for my wedding and it's working now.

People have asked if I have lost weight. I happily tell them I have and they congratulate me on it. Why is it I don't? Why is it that I still see the same old person in the mirror? I'll just have to see how I feel when it comes to the next milestone I want to achieve.

Random Picture Post

Nothing in particular so here's a list of things that are on my mind:

1. ANOTHER blog friend is pregnant. I am completely overjoyed for them. A friend from the kids song group on a Tuesday also told me she is pregnant today. This will be her third. I am so excited about all these babies on the way.2011 is a good year for babies and 2012 looks a big year for births.

2. Speaking of babies, my sister in law hasn't had her baby yet. End of baby speak I promise.

3. I am now 14lb (1 stone in old language)lighter than I was on Sept 6th when Matthew returned to school. I am thrilled.

4. Secret 1 of weight loss:  Exercise - 90-180 minutes walk per day 7 days per week. Does not include walking around the house, doing chores or anything simple like that. To shift the lbs I need to shift my butt.

5. Secret 2 of weight loss: Low carb. Lots of fresh veg, salads, chicken, fish, prawns. Less Rice, no pasta, little bread. This plus much less processed food and having small helpings of homebaked cake and cookies, I am not feeling deprived of wheat/sweet stuff but homecooked is always better and I can REALLY regulate what I am consuming over the course of a day/week.

6. Secret 3 of weight loss: Have chocolate every day. Yes, you read that right!!!! To stop myself craving and feeling deprived of chocolate I am treating myself to a mug of low cal hot chocolate every day.

 7. I just adore the belgian chocolate, the mint and orange but my favourite has to be the amazing caribbean coconut flavour. Today I am looking forward to trying the white chocolate variety. And whats the best thing about this range of hot chocolate drinks - besides the variety of choice  - is that they are all less than 45 calories per sachet. I love these things!

8. Seeing results equals a positive mood and gives me more encouragement than anything else. Maybe this time will be better.

9. The kids have been busy. Monday was Matthews harvest festival so we had to go the church at the top of the village - a 40 minute walk from our house but worth it when it was such a gorgeous morning to be out walking.

Built in the 15th century, the Holy Trinity as it is names is as beautiful as it is old.

Even though the interior looks as though it could need a little work, it's one of the most traditional British churches you would ever find, I haven't got any photo's of that but I got this lovely picture of the entrance to the harvest festival.

I apologise for the slight blurriness but my camera on my phone was quite full on memory which distorted the picture a little.

I may not be religious but I love religious architecture.  All the detail and intracacy that goes into the planning, the building and restoration amazes me. Especially since the older churches did not have any of the modern tools we have now. Amazing feats of engineering if I've ever seen any! Living in a historic village and only a few miles away from our nearest Cathedral, I like to go along and tend to feel humbled in the experience.

Deep down I'm a bit of a geek!

Whilst on the subject of pictures on the phone, I found a couple of random pictures that I am sure my kids will love me for when they get older. hehe.

 Matthew on holiday. Looking a little crazy. I like the blurred effect in this.

 Liam taking a nap.

 James waiting for Matthew to finish at football practice. Looking a tad crazy

 Still waiting for Matthew to finish football practice.

 More funny faces. My kids are crazy!

 I love this pose from James so much. I also love the fact he is only wearing one sock. Have I ever said my kids are crazy?

 My cheeky chappy with his usual cheeky grin.

Young Mr Liam in his favourite 2 year old pose - Finger up the nose, or at least working that way.

And finally 10. The kids had professional photos done at Matthews school yesterday. These will make additional christmas presents to the close relatives. I was standing behind the photographer when he was snapping away and I do think that we should have some really good poses in there.  The kids did great.

So there you have it, a random picture post.

You Can't Label Everyone That Easy

A report out today shows that parents are not giving kids the right food in their packed lunches at school.

40% of kids do not have any fruit or veg in their packed lunch at all. Full story here
for anyone who may be interested : Childrens Packed Lunches Lack Fruit and Veg

I raise my hands to this.

I am guilty as charged regarding Matthew.

He takes a ham and french mustard roll/pitta bread, a small packet of cheese crackers/crisps and a mini chocolate bar. His lunchbag comes home empty.

I've given fruit and pieces of carrots, cucumber, celery etc. All for them to be returned to me. The school have a strict policy that leftover lunch and packaging should return home and not be binned so parents get an idea of what the kids are eating which as annoying as it was at first, I now see and understand why they do it and I really appreciate it.

In comparison - on his pre-school days James takes a ham and cucumber roll, a packet of strawberry fruit flakes and a raspberry yogurt. His box always returns empty.

The kids are really different in their tastes and what they will eat. James has more of a sweet tooth than the other two boys and given the choice Matthew would live on a diet of burgers and chips, chocolate and fizzy drinks. Where as James would opt for roast dinners with piles and piles of vegetables, yogurts, bananas and fruit squash. Liam is another kettle of fish entirely - he will eat absolutely anything and everything.

I also think that age is a contributing factor and that boys especially get more anti fruit and veg as they grow older. It's one of those girl things and it's not cool.


Despite this, my kids all have a healthy range of homecooked foods containing a range of vegetables. We eat healthy but it doesn't mean we won't have chips once a week. We just make sure that if the kids have chips, we make sure there is a large portion of peas, sweetcorn or beans.

Other meals include chilli con carne with extra onions, beans and peppers. Homemade bolognaise, roasts. Stews and casseroles go down very well in winter and I love my one pot meals so they will be getting a lot more fresh veg as the winter months draw closer. I don't even have to hide veg, my kids have healthy meals and they enjoy the different flavours and textures. *the only veg they wont eat - any of them - is parsnips which comes as a surprise since they are so sweet but they think they are potatoes in a stew.*

Whilst there probably are a number of kids where their packed lunch truly resembles their home diets, Matthews certainly doesn't.

And whilst his lunch may be higher in sugar and fats than some other kids, he is incredibly active.  We don't drive to school (even when I pass my test we will continue to walk to school daily)  this means he walks over 40 minutes a day just getting to school and back. His playtime consists of football and adventure games with his friends. He now does football after school on a Tuesday and whilst we are in the good weather he will play outside running around and playing football for an hour after school every day. Weekends we are always on the go so I have no worries about Matthews packed lunch.

James eats better and healthier but for how much longer? Things change as kids reach school age and I think James will be an equally active child.

I get sick of being told what to do as a parent, I know what I should give Matthew in his packed lunch but when I know he brings it home then I'd rather he got fed and had some nourishment and something giving him energy rather than him eat next to nothing and want to snack as soon as he gets home.

So whilst I know Matthew isn't eating the right things at school, he is eating! And he eats well at home. We barely have anything processed - more so since I've started home baking and the kids love things being properly cooked and fresh and they can help out too.

I don't think these reports look into things enough. In an ideal world Matthew would take fruit to school and eat it (fruit would also be a lot cheaper - 9 individually packed chocolate biscuits cost the same as 3 apples here in the UK, with 3 kids you do the maths!!!) In an ideal world, more parents would turn their backs on the easy options, processed foods, takeaways. ready meals but these things exist. They are for convenience and they do become a treat or a short cut for us all occassionally. It's when it's regular that I think it becomes a problem. And this is not reflected in a lunch box at all.

Of  those 60% that do have fruit and veg in a lunchbox, how much of it gets eaten?

Of those 60% that do have fruits and veg in a lunchbox. how many of these are the most nutritious meal that these kids will have that day?

More research is needed as it only tells half a story.

An Omen?

I had a really weird little premonition whilst in the kitchen earlier.

I suddenly had the name Daniel Stephen come into my mind and the date being October 7th.

With my sister in law due to give birth almost any day* I am wondering where this come from and could I be soon announcing the birth of my nephew?

I'm probably very wrong but who knows, I dreamt I gave birth to a girl called Isabella years ago without any pain. A few days later my friend had a C-Section with her second child (so totally painless) and guess what? She had a daughter called Isabel.

It would be SO strange if this was a premonition and just part of it come true.

Oh, lets go for a third prediction and suggest a lovely birth weight of 8lb 1oz. Why not?

Watch this space!


*Further information: S-I-L is due her baby Oct 16th but maternity checks suggest baby is looking pretty big so may possibly be induced early. We do not have a date for this. I FEEL that she won't be induced and it will be a 100% natural home birth as they have planned.

Also, it would be incredibly strange if baby T was born on October 4th. I had James the day before hubbys brothers birthday and Liam the day before hubbys birthday so if baby arrives on this date, it will be the day before my mother in laws birthday. That would make 3 birthdays before someone else in the immediate family.