Invisible

That's the long and short of how I feel right now.

No-one seems to notice or care how I feel right now.

I'm fed up being let down and just being treated like I don't exist. What does it take for someone, anyone to realise how stressed I am.

I am more than just a mum to 3 boys......

.........or at least I used to be

Now James is 2

 My baking skills are coming on in leaps and bounds.

This is the third time I have attempted this cake. Once as a trial for Liams birthday, then as Liams birthday cake now as James's birthday cake. Each time there has been a different variation.

This cake was still a luxurious chocolate sponge with a chocolate fudge frosting. Yet it differed since it was filled with whipped double cream and decorated with shavings of dark, milk and white chocolate.

Yum yum.

Needless to say the birthday boy enjoyed a HUGE slice. He appeared to really enjoy it.

As I always say, my birth stories are perfect birth stories and therefor are far from entertaining but should be a message of hope for all mums to be.

James was born early morning on November the first. The day before we had been out shopping, had a busy day and took Matthew trick or treating. I went to bed around 10 as I was tired,

I woke up for the normal toilet trip around 4am. My waters broke whilst I was on the toilet leading to immediate contractions. I arrived at hospital around 5am, he was born before 6am. We left hospital at 8am and at 8.30 I woke up Matthew telling him there was a surprise waiting for him downstairs. He was amazed to find he had a little brother.

James has been more or less perfect since then. We have no signs of the terrible twos just yet. He is the most gentle and loving little boy. He is always first to give things to his little brother and is the most cheerful little soul.

He had a great day yesterday with toys, cards and lunch out with a cheese spread and ham sandwich followed by a big cake for tea. He even got to stay up late.

We didn't do anything for Halloween at all this year. We always allowed Matthew to dress up and go trick or treating previous years but since we only really know where 2 families live, we decided to give it a miss this year. Only 2 groups of kids visited as well, so since we're the quiet end of the village, we didn't get many roun either only the really local kids.

Rosie is coming on in leaps and bounds. She isn't nipping quite so often and responds well to my "No" command and has begun to sit out the way when she gets told off. She will also now use the paper we put down for puddles and best of all, she will go to the toilet outside. I try to get her out for 5 minutes every 2 hours to get her used to it. As soon as we get up, she goes out and last thing before bed she does too. She is getting the routine of it which is really good. We just need to get her to tell us when she wants to go out.

Whilst the nipping is getting less, poor little Liam had a rather nasty scratch last night. She did get hold of him and he really was hurt. The cut wasn't that bad but I got him seen at the doctors surgery this morning just to check he was up to date with all his tetanus and so on. The nurse just said to keep an eye on the scratch for signs of infection. We're back there on Thursday as it will be time for Liams MMR jab and then he's finished with jabs until pre-school.

Settling In

Rosie has settled in really well. She was a little upset when she left her mother yesterday and had a little cry for about half the journey home. She appeared scared leaving the house but soon cuddled into me and let me assure her on the car journey. By the time she reached home, she was a quiet but calm little pup. We gave her a bowl of her food and she didn't seem overly interested but was very keen to have a drink of water.

 The kids made a fuss of her immediately and she seems to have already formed a strong bond with Liam. She can be nippy with us all, but Liam seems to be getting the brunt of it. He also gets the majority of the licks and the waggy tail behaviour as well so Liam is more than a little confused by the puppy and what she actually wants.

Rosie is very quickly getting the hang of the command "No!".

Rosie is a 6 week old border collie cross, her mother was crossed with another gentle charactered dog and her dad was a pure collie.

We got her as being semi paper trained (meaning she will sometimes go to the toilet on paper) but she hasn't done that here yet. She has however, been to the toilet outside twice. Yesterday and last night she seemed terrified of being outside. But I've percevered today and took her out twice and got her playing with a football so she was enjoying herself. And both times, a toilet movement was made so we are already making progress in less than 24 hours of having her.

We were originally going to call her Poppy then I realised what a popular name it was for female dogs so we I went with our my second choice of Rosie. We I did want a particularly girly name since I am heavily outnumbered by males in this household.

Speaking of names, after 14 years of being top, Jack is no longer the most popular boys name in the UK. Oliver has overtaken as 2009's top name for baby boys. All I can say is that whilst James Jack and Liam Oliver are obviously amazing names, I think I did right having them as middle names rather than firsts. By 2018 it is estimated 1 in 5 boys in secondary schools will be named Jack or Oliver, I can see lots of those names on lists with surname initials next to them. Matthew is already Matthew T to not be confused with Matthew D at school, then there's Jack B, Jack P, Jack T and Jack Y that he went to pre-school with spread about between the two schools where we used to live. Not to mention any that may have been in other pre-schools that have been combined. It just seems strange. Similarly, Olivia is the most popular girls name.

Anyone interested in the full list can look here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/oct/27/baby-names-children-oliver-olivia

Yesterday I finally got my haircut, I'm not 100% sure on it just yet. I don't hate it, but its taking a bit of getting used to.

It is nice to have a style again and to have a neck, I'm just going to have to get used to it over the next few days.

Liam still isn't walking but he is pulling himself up on absolutely everything and getting his balance. It must only be a matter of time now.

Rosie

This my dear friends, is the newest family member.

Meet Rosie.

Have You Guessed What It Is Yet?

We've had a very busy weekend. We've been buying things for our newest family member. On Friday we had a viewing of a puppy in a nearby town. We're getting her on Friday. She will be 6 weeks old and is the most adorable little canine I've ever seen. She is a Border Collie cross and very much resembles this little pup at the back on the right. The only difference being that she has a brundle coat (brown/black instead of plain black) alongside the white.

This is the actual litter she is from and I think we have the one on the left. I'm not 100% sure as I can't see the face and this was 3 weeks ago so she has changed and has a real little personality now. She was such a loving adorable little thing, I held her and she was licking me the entire time. Beautiful.

It's been a busy weekend in all. Saturday we were out replacing the new PS3 we bought on Friday. We found it didn't work when asked to download updates, so we went out to get a replacement. The new one works lovely. I think I prefer it to the Wii. We have Little Big Planet that the kids love and a football game for Matthew while hubby is giving a few demos a try before we purchase any more.

Yesterday we spent part of the day in Colchester. We had a look around the town and toy shops for James birthday present. My little boy will be 2 this time next week!!!! We also visited my grandparents. Matthew had a sleepover at my mums last night but she was working so we dropped him with my grandparents for my mum to pick him up from there. He loves sleepovers at nanny's. He was really excited about going. We then went to another shop and picked part of James's present. He currently loves Peppa Pig, he has a little train which we've allowed him to have now since he sobbed when we took it away and a whole vehicle set that will be wrapped and given out on his birthday.

Peppa Train

Peppas Vehicles.

I do think he will enjoy his birthday. I will be baking a cake again. I am getting to be really quite a baking Queen.

Sadly, a busy weekend means the house is not quite the state I want it to be in, so housework calls and a little shopping needs to be done.

Have I Ever Said How Much I Love Those Little Boys Of Mine

I was so proud of Matthew on Tuesday.

After writing about his parents evening that occurred on Monday night in this blog, he comes home from school sits and the table and starts work on his writing straight away. I was so pleased with him! He really is trying and I really admire that. When he tries like that then I am all the more for helping him.

Liam is a funny little character right now. He is changing so much so quickly and really coming into his own. He FINALLY managed to stand himself up in his cot last night. All by himself he has worked out how to grab on and get to his feet. He looked so happy. So proud of himself, he had the biggest smile on his face I have ever seen, with his face slightly screwed up there was an added element of cheekiness as he showed me just what a clever boy he is. He also stood himself up in the bath for the first time too. I do have to give it to my kids for trying. Although I have always been aware that he is a little slower in development than his big brothers, I am even more aware that there's no "normal" when it comes to children. If he is going to be a little slower than his brothers at standing and learning to walk, then so be it. He will do it when HE is ready. In a way, I am glad he isn't yet walking. There'd be no baby element left. He would be a fully fledged toddler and a little more independent and make me a little more redundant.

I love seeing my kids grow. Seeing the boys alter in looks, becoming smarter, becoming more confident in their own ablities is a wonder in itself.

James is a cheerful, though thoughtful little soul. He is such a tidy boy it's beyond belief. He loves clearing up.

On Tuesdays we go along to the sing-a-long toddler group. James will happily play with the bells, tambourines and shaker instruments. He will often empty them all out over the floor, pass them around to the other kids and make his music whilst everyone else sings. He is always the first to start putting things away and will do the majority of filling the music bag once the session is over. He is so good. Liam also loves the little group. He will join in some of the songs by way of a little dance, or just sit and clap his hands at the songs he likes. This is all the more fun when you have a set of bells secured to your wrist.  The kids always get to choose thier favourite songs. For James we always have "The Wheels On The Bus" and Liam loves to join in with "Row Your Boat." He has always loved this as we've played it together since he was born more or less and he still gets the giggles with the back and forth motions.

Yesterday we went to collect Matthew from school. Liam was exceptionally happy. Excitable if the truth be told. Grinning all the way up the road, shouting out, clapping his hands - he really was in a super super mood. I have never seen him this excited. As we got to the church where the sing-a-long play group is held he shouted out really loud and then he began to cry as we walked straight past. He is recognising routines and places very easily and was heartbroken when we didn't go into the place he loves to spend an afternoon. I felt so bad for him! Bless him. He wanted a repeat of Tuesday. It's not on next week since the older kids are off school but we will be going every Tuesday now I see how much my little darlings love this half hour once per week.

I've decided that as soon as money isn't an issue I am going for the chop.

This type of chop!

I have found that in the last 12 months, life has changed quite a bit. I am now a married 30 something mother of 3. I want something to show that. I want a style and I want something funky enough to show I am still young despite the kids, I am not ready to slope into middle age just yet. So I want something cute and choppy.

I may even do the blonde since I entered an online giveaway and thought I'd give the blond a try if I won. The first 10,000 to apply would win a hair colour of thier choice so I thought why not.

I have already thought of the practicalities of getting all my hair chopped off and been looking around for hats to get through the winter months. So I will be treating myself to a nice little wooly number to cover the ears in the near future-hopefully tomorrow as it's so cold right now.

I am also a little obsessed with finding a good pair of boots with heels that are suitable for me to do the school run with. I hate flats but I will not be able to do 2 hours walking a day in 3inch heels. This is proving to be rather a challenge,

Parents Evening 2010

Yesterday it was Matthews first parents evening at his new school and the first chance we've really had to talk to his teacher in depth.

Matthew is a little behind in school at the moment. All because of his writing. He just can't do the pen and paper thing.

He is excellent at literacy and numeracy but cannot progress very well with these until the written side of things are progressing.

His teacher was great though, she sees Matthews potential, she sees he thinks 100 times faster than his hands can work and sees he gets frustrated that he cannot keep up, not just with the class, but with his own ideas. He's got the mental capacity but his co-ordination isn't all there. He can read and spell easily but I can't help but wonder if the writing can be a form of dyslexia. I don't know enough about the facts to comment too much.

His teacher did ask about his old school since she got a feeling he didn't do much writing prior to being at his current school. She is right. We were not happy with his previous school and were thinking of changing schools before the new house became a reality. This was not Matthew completely at fault. The school was created with a bottomless pit of money and appeared to be focussing on new ways of doing things. The more important things like writing was on the backburner. The kids at Matthews old school got to do most work on the computer. They spent a lot of time playing and Matthew was always saying he wanted to learn more. I don't think that school helped him at all or did a lot to encourage what I consider BASIC schooling.

We are going to encourage Matthew to do more writing out of school.

Writing about things that he wants to write about. Sometimes, being told what to write can be tiresome for anyone but giving him his own little freedom with an outside school project could really help him shine in his own limelight. If it's something he loves it will come easier than being forced to write about something he doesn't know much about.

He loves stories, he makes up wonderful tales and he loves his football facts so we are going to spend 10 minutes a day after school writing a story or a few facts that he can add on to the next day.

We got to see some of his work and his writing has improved since we last saw it so not all hope is lost. We just need to help him where we can.

His teacher also thinks that part of the problem may be that he is left handed and that's why his writing isn't as neat as it could be.

As long as my little man is trying then I am happy with him.

On a personal level, Matthew was described as one of the most cheerful, helpful and caring children in his class. That does make me proud. Alot of kids may be perfect writers but I am so proud of my son for being a considerate little soul. His writing may not be perfect, but having people skills can get a child far in life.

Hubby started his new job yesterday. Today he gets his own company vehicle. He enjoyed his first day and his hours are rather family friendly. Early shift is 8am-6pm, Late 10am-8pm. He works a 4 day week so he gets more holiday and more days off than most. Suits us all just fine.

October

I love this time of year. The leaves are turning, drifting to the ground and creating a blanket of fiery colours as we walk through the village. The school has a huge tree at the entrance. Maple leaves twice the size of my hand create a carpet on the pavement towards the school entrance. It almost feels like Autumn is a magical time of year. I enjoy the simplicity of nature. The seasons are still distinguishable.  I find the new hope of spring and the promise of  renewal that is autumn rather thoughtful times of the year. With the autumn comes the passing of the summer, the end is coming to the year and I begin to reflect on the past 12 months. I also try to look forward to what the next 12 months could bring.

I am a person who embraces change. I need to evolve. I need change and as much as routine can be comfortable I like to look for the spontaneous. I like surprises, I like change, I like things to be interesting and a little unpredictable.  With that a person grows. As the world around us changes, new things spring to mind. New challenges arise and a new season can be a world of difference.

Uncertainty isn't always a bad thing. It's often the doorway to a new adventure.

Hubby starts his new job on Monday. It's taken  almost 3 months to get this far. He applied at the end of July. He had his first interview after our honeymoon and a second interview 3 weeks ago. Next we had the wait to check his medical and criminal records. Both of which seem fine since he finally has a starting date. It has been a long time coming and this is the job he wanted. Even when he got the chefs job, this was the one he was willing to quit it over, life sorted things out for us.

We did get to have our date night last Saturday. That was a well welcomed little break for a few hours. We went on a tour of the village stopping in at a couple of the old pubs and having an Indian meal which was just devine. I did eat and drink too much but it's been a long time since we had a treat like this.

The Bull Hotel where we stopped for a quick drink is our local haunted hotel, bar and restaurant. It dates back to pre-tudor times and was originally opened as a coach house around 1450. By 1580, it had been expanded and it is rumoured that a murder occurred in a bedroom in 1648. The spirit of Richard Evered who was stabbed during a heated argument still remains.

This week seems to be flying by. To think tomorrow is Friday!!!

Matthew finishes school for half term next week. Those few weeks have hurried past too. Once he's back at school, that will probably start the ball rolling with Christmas shopping.  It's going to be a busy few weeks as normal.