Before and After

Today my little men underwent a bit of a transformation. Instead of getting haircuts Thursday we saw a gap in the barbers and took full advantage.

Yesterday my lovely little twosome looked like this:

Part of me loves Liams long locks, he has the looks and personality to pull it all off.

But 40 minutes of our lovely barber womans time and I have the most handsome little fellas.

James style especially REALLY suits him. He has the same style as Matthew now which is good. This picture isn't actually the tender cuddly moment it appears to be. As soon as I took this photo James started crying as Liam was actually biting his finger!

After school it will be Matthews turn for a haircut and boy does he need it. I will once again get before and after photos and the same with my haircut on Friday.

This is how I looked yesterday BEFORE I dyed my hair a medium brown colour. I preferred the reddish tones but this colour will look better in a couple of days when it's more settled. That's half the job done just need the cut.

I severely need a touch of style again not to mention the hair straighteners. I may be happy with the length, but it's wavy, straggly and shapeless and I look like poo with no make up.  So a mini makeover is certainly due.

New Years Resolution 1 - Trust My Instincts More

It is very rare that I find people I don't like.

It is even more rare that I should take an instant dislike to someone from the moment I meet them.

They say first impressions last and they do. However, I am the type of person to give everyone a chance to prove me wrong. To give them a chance for me to bow my head and admit that I was wrong and that I was wrongfully judgemental.

A few months back I wrote about a certain person who lives in the village that I really did not like. She was very sure of herself, very pushy, persuasive and just annoyed the hell out of me because of her over the top mannerisms. She really was far too self confident for her own good and I really did not feel a connection with her. Yet, despite my misgivings, I gave friendship a go to ignore my gut feelings and get to know her before I judged her. She works at James's playgroup so thought for his sake I should not let my initial feelings bother me and try to get on for HIS sake.

This is where I really wish I had listened to my first instincts.

My first impressions are RARELY wrong. If I think someone seems a bit of bitch, then generally they are!

Last week Liam was supposed to have a hospital appointment and that was booked for a Wednesday. It is the only day James goes to pre-school so I asked if he could go on a different day instead. I didn't even suggest which day and Madam says all days are now full. 2 weeks ago they were struggling for numbers and did not know if they would be re-opening after christmas. Ok, I think to myself - maybe she's having a bad day and gave her the benefit of a doubt. (Incidently that appointment has been put back to January 13th due to being booked in with the wrong consultant)

Now this week, upon leaving nursery this week I ask if the Christmas party is open to all and if I could bring Liam like I did for the summer party. That was an extravagant affair where all kids in the village were invited and it was a lovely day! She was hesitant. So I said that's ok, I just didn't know the set up but would James still be able to go since it wasn't his normal day for going but I assumed that the party was for all the toddlergroup kids since it was mentioned in the newsletter and they had a huge poster outside advertising it. Again, she was hesitant and said probably not. Then she quickly corrected herself and said she would have to check and find out! Surely this should have been her first response and not an afterthought?

I AM taking it very personally. Everything was FINE until we decided to switch schools. Now if she has a problem with me about that then that's fine but I don't expect my 3 year old son to miss out on things like his Christmas party because of MY choices. I am incredibly angry about this and feel that the kids should be treated equally and a Christmas party should be for EVERY child that attends that group. It's his last session at Playgroup on Wednesday and the party is Thursday. Out of principal now, if we are offered a place at the party I will refuse. I don't believe kids should be shunned because of one member of staff who can't be bothered to find out there and then if he can go and makes it clear she really doesn't care!

I understand the toddlergroup is in trouble with getting enough kids to go but it was partially because of that reason that James is getting into Matthews school. I know he'll get in and it won't be a mad rush if the playgroup closes for a number of kids to get into the local school. I am just putting my kids first.

SO..... If I am so unhappy with this member of staff why am I not complaining to her boss? Because her mum is her boss and she's a lovely woman. I feel bad for her mum that her job is at risk but that doesn't excuse the way my child has been victimised in this instance. Plus, like I said there is only 1 more week for him but I thought the party would be a nice way for his time at the playgroup to end on a high. It appears others don't think that way.

So I am really disappointed in James's toddlergroup. I will NOT be recommending it to others and I very much doubt I will be sending Liam there after Easter if this woman still works there. It's not worth the aggro and I'd rather avoid this woman at all costs.

A new year resolution will be to trust my instincts. To not feel bad if I don't like someone. To not try to befriend them and to accept that some people are really not worth the effort.

Simple Things That Make A Mum A Happy Mum

This Christmas the focus is all on the kids. The excitement they feel and show in the run up is proving to be so much fun. James really is understanding so much more than he did last year and Liam is constantly shouting "Issstmas!!!" every time we walk past somewhere decorated with lights or an adorned shop window. Liam doesn't fully understand but he is getting excited. He loves the toy adverts on tv and does a special little dance for Christmas music. He is so funny.

James is taking much more interest than ever before and is able to tell us clearly what he wants for Christmas this year. Mainly the two Fireman Sam toys he hasn't got and some Playmobil which he has recently discovered.

The magic for Matthew really is not there this year. He knows that Santa/Father Christmas is not real. He said he had suspicions last year too. That boy cracks me up. In a way it's better now he knows that we buy and give the go ahead to his presents. He knows that if he's good for us then we will make sure that he gets good presents.  Haha, yes, we are fantastic bribers us parents!

I myself will not be getting much on Christmas day. I have been a tad spoilt this week instead. Hubby has bought me a new winter coat and BOY do I need it. The temperatures have really dropped the past few days but I am holding off wearing it until next week when we go away for the weekend. It's nice to have something smart and new to wear for special occassions.

It is very similar to this and will keep me warm this winter. It ends at mid thigh length so it's a really good length on me.

I have also been given money from my mum and dad to buy myself some clothes. I purchased a new pair of black boots with chunky heels and a black bra and a lovely twinset of vest and pants. Black with red roses! Nothing makes a woman feel better than something sexy but subtle. My style entirely! Sexy and understated! And I like to look at a nice little bit of lingerie as a present for both myself and hubby.

With the remaining money I have booked myself in for a good haircut the morning before we go away. I am only going to get a trim, a few more layers and my hair lightened up from feeling so heavy. I don't want a drastic restyle. I love the length, I just want it easier to work with and to look good! I am going to be rather pampered and I should hope feeling rather good on my mini break! Just what a mummy needs at Christmas.

I may even do something shocking and go for my first ever beauty treatment by getting my eyebrows done professionally! A nice shape and wax may really be good for me.

I can't wait to feel a bit more pampered and feminine. You do NEED to feel it sometimes with a houseful of males and what better a time for a little makeover and feelgood factor than the miserable cold months and the magic of Christmas!

Christmas is Getting Close - Hooray

Even if I didn't have kids, I would still be excited about the prospect of Christmas looming.

This week we've really been into our Christmas crafts.  This is a picture post so I hope you enjoy!

James decorated the pine cones.

 He wore Matthews old plastic apron that has been saviour many a time through the years.

 Then with our pine cones and the basics of white glue, paintbrushes, gold glitter and ribbon we set to work.

 Originally we were both painting on glue but it was a very slow process so I became cheif gluer and James became official glitterer!

James did enjoy playing with the glitter and did a really good job,

That same evening Matthew had a go at doing some crafts. His job was to do the paper chains:

He sat himself down and really got to the task in hand.

As the chain grew, so did his confidence. He really enjoyed doing this and made the full pack of 100 adhesive paper strips.

My job was the cookie baking. I found an old easter chick cutter that in this case became a Christmas robin.

I made a basic water and sugar icing (glaze) and covered the cookies with a layer of the glaze and on one side covered them with some 100's and 1000's sprinkles.

Next I threaded the ribbon throught the cookies and coated the other side with same glaze before adding some star decorations and the remainder sprinkles when the stars ran out.

 Hubbys part in all this was to get the tree. He went to a local tree sales place and bought a lovely 8ft tree for a VERY good price. This is where high ceilings are a real treat!

 We went out and picked our new lights. White flashy ones and James got in the spirit by wearing some paper chains.

This is the finished article. Our Homemade tree decorations. We feel that the Angel on top doesn't quite suit it but it will do for this year.

Of course, I have missed out on one little person and his participation in the Christmassing up of the house. Liam just said "Wow" and "I like Dat!" in all the right places. That's all my little boy needs to do to show me he approves and has enjoyed seeing all the bustle of the house in the past 4 days.

I have enjoyed the experience doing this but I think next year it will save a lot of time and money to buy decorations to reuse. We can still make the paper chains and reuse the cones. This is one of those things I always wanted to do as a kid but never got to do. My kids will never say the same! It may be good to do something similar in a couple of years so Liam can participate more.

CSA Grrrrr.

I see why the British Economy is in trouble. The amount of money they must waste on paperwork must be immense!

Every week for the past four weeks I have been receiving letters through the post from the Child Support Agency. This is a Government organisation that assures that some form of child maintenance is paid to a child in the circumstances of an absent parent. This means that Matthews dad should pay something towards his sons living costs.

It's already an incredibly feeble amount that he should be paying. It equates to my ex paying £5 per week into this organisation for Matthew to have some benefit.

In the past few years I must have had about £40 of payments that I have actually received.

So today upon receiving yet another letter (a four page letter with a booklet on how to claim) on what I should be getting I finally give them a call.

I go through the normal channels of half a dozen security questions before getting to the point. Why are you sending me so many letters saying I should be receiving when in reality I do not get anything? The gentleman on the phone was very efficient and asked when I received my last payment, how I get paid etc. I told him it went directly into my bank account but it's been a long time since I had anything enter that account. On my previous bank statements for the past 6 months I did not get one payment. He offered to look into it telling me that my ex was claiming unemployment benefit and last went to his Job Seekers meeting on Nov 25th (Friday) so it should have gone into my account today.

He proceeded to my bank details to inform me that the page was empty. They had no record of my bank details stored.

I was NOT impressed.

Normally when I don't receive payments it's because he isn't signing on for his benefits. He gets a job and conveniently forgets to inform the CSA so we don't get a penny of his wages when he should pay 17% of his wages.

Today they tell me, he is claiming but their computer programme has a fault and it's Government policy to not write or phone asking for bank details as it could easily be used as a scam by fraudulent individuals. I part understand that but if it was the case why could they not just send out the letter with the details of what I should be paid and a comment saying "Please call us to discuss this issue further"  Would it be that hard?

So it's been left that I should receive payment December 9th. I could be in line for a nice little sum of backdated money if the money has been put in a holding account due to non payment or it could all be a big Government con and I am left with nothing. I suspect the latter scenario.

How Things Change

It's really funny how things can change over the course of 18 months.

When I first moved to my lovely little house in the country, I was shocked by how laid back and slow life seemed away from a housing estate in a town. The life is much more relaxed, much more refined and far more enjoyable. There is FAR more for us to do than there ever was where we were before. So much of which the kids can join in with.

On Friday night it was the official Christmas Lights Switch On in the neighbouring town of Sudbury. There was also a street fayre, the Church was open for refreshments and a beautiful huge tree adorns the square whilst a brass band played christmas carols and the crowds were given song sheeets. It was a lovely little feeling of community - something we never had in our old town. The town hall is lit beautifully and we had a nice little stroll round the shops for late night shopping but did not buy a thing.

Community is very much what village life is all about. I've said it before and I will continue to say it again and again - I would not willingly move back to my old town. Life is just perfect as it is here.

I also noticed upon moving here that there seemed a certain rivalry in the school. Not in a nasty way, but I mentioned what I called "The Cake Mums" the mums who try to outdo the others with their exuberant cakes for the school cake sale afternoons. Well.... you'll never guess who has volunteered to donate a few cakes on Friday at the school? Yes, I too am becoming a cake mum! Not in the competetive stakes but because I want to.  I'm doing it because I enjoy baking and I want to help the school back a little for the way they are going out of their way to help Matthew at the moment. I guess I am getting wrapped up in the community spirit too.

This Saturday coming hubby is working so I am taking the boys up to the village to see the Christmas Extravaganza. Sounds interesting huh?  This includes the following:

Santas Grotto
Kiddie Rides
Punch and Judy
Magician
Silver Band
Carol Singers
Bagpipes
Green Dragon Morris Dancers
Organ Grinder
Hot Chesnut stall
Zumba Demonstration
Donkeys

That should all entertain the boys for an hour or two. I'll also be inviting my mother in law as she might like to do something different.

Next Monday we get to see Matthews school Christmas play. He is appearing as an Austrian Villager and has been practicing his songs beautifully. I like the sound of it this year as it does involve some traditional old Carols such as Silent Night (incedentally this is the name of the play) Once In Royal Davids City are the two he sings most. Bless him. He's taken his costume in today so he can start the dress rehearsals.  So I am looking forward to next weekend and the start of the week and I will get as many pictures as I can.

Todays plan is to put Liam up for a nap shortly and James and I are going to start decorating up some pine cones. All my cookie ingredients come this evening on the weekly shop so it's going to be very much a christmas arts and crafts week for me and the boys.

Thanksgiving From England

Just because we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK, who says I can't do a Thanksgiving post?

There is so much in my life I am grateful for.

A friend actually posted this to Facebook yesterday and I couldn't agree more!

A lot of lessons in life can be hard at times but that's where we need to be thankful and appreciate the better things in life.

So, My thankful list?

1. Quite obviously my sweet amazing husband. Last week was the anniversary of when we met and not a day goes by that I do not appreciate that day and feel lucky for our paths crossing as they did. We may have done so much of life in our own funny route, getting together in November 2007, him moving in after 6 weeks around Christmas time, falling pregnant around Valentines day, having a baby a little before our year anniversary on November 1st 2008, falling pregnant AGAIN around christmas 2008,  getting engaged in July 2009 to have another baby 2 months later. Finally we moved house in May 2010 to marry in August 2010. So whilst our "love story" is a little off the traditional expectations, it's my story and what makes it all so special. I wouldn't change a thing for the world and it's worked out brilliantly for us.

2. My Three Wonderful Sons

James, Liam and Matthew

I am so lucky to have these little guys. I said I would share the portrait when I had it and here it is. Liam looks older than James in this picture! With only 10.5 months between them these two are SO like having twins at times. Polar opposites in some respects too. Last night they had Chicken, chips and beans for tea. James ate all his beans but left his chips and chicken. Liam ate his chicken and chips and left his beans! They do make me laugh.

This month I've been reading of a few pregnancy scares amongst some blogs I follow as the journey to Motherhood is proving to be anything but easy!

First pregnancies especially are full of fears and worries for the baby, for the future for what sort of mother you will prove to be. Health scares only add to any fears a mother has.

In my case, the first pregnancy was the most straightforward and text book. The only fly in the ointment with Matthews pregnancy was being married to a bullying control freak. I was happy with the pregnancy, all went well but I hated the situation we (me and my unborn baby) were in. My ex was occassionally violent and once when I was pregnant. It was hard to forget as it was the day after christmas day (ex's birthday) and he'd been drinking alot. He had some friends and cousins round. I was transformed into waitress for the day and trying hard to be the perfect wife. He however got a fly in his bonnet over something and kicked a door as I was walking through it with scalding hot tea. It spilt all down my stomach and I went into a panic attack. One of his cousins and  a couple of  friends had a major go at him whilst 2 of his cousins and another friend were incredibly concerned about me and sat with me whilst I sobbed, went rather crazy yelling at him that if he killed or hurt my baby I would kill him.  I sat and cried for a long time as I  feared if and how it would affect my baby. That is certainly something you don't want 37 weeks into your pregnancy when there is enough worries on your mind. I'm grateful that man is out of my life.

With James, all was plain sailing in the beginning. I had a feeling this one was a girl because the pregnancy was very different from Matthews (It was far more relaxed to say the least) and all went very well. Until 30 weeks. This may be a little TMI but I was in a supermarket and desperate for the toilet. I went in and did my business. Upon wiping the tissue was BRIGHT red, as was the toilet bowl. I sorted myself out and went straight back to hubby in a panic. We abandoned our shopping and walking to the car I thought I felt the start of contractions. The hospital was only a short trip away but in that time I was a complete mess. The car radio was playing "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie and that made me hold it all together (I still can't listen to that song - if it comes on tv or the radio I have to turn it off). Waiting in A&E baby was very active and the contractions were still occurring. As I held my stomach and patted each little wiggle, I remained optimistic. The worst that could happen would be that this would be the day I was going to have my second child. I went through to the ante-natal department where they questioned me on anything out of the ordinary, hooked me up to a contractions monitor and confirmed I was having strong braxton hicks and my blood pressure was up. I joked with the nurse that they would be too if they had just had the shock I did! All with baby looked fine though. Over time, the bleeding stopped as did the contractions. The hospital could not offer any reason why they thought I had bled like that other than a possible blood vessel bursting. I spent the night in hospital and never had another problem. James was born quickly and all was well.

Liam was a completely different kettle of fish. I measured big, so I was tested for Gestational Diabetes. I had to have extra scans to check his growth. I was told a C Section was likely. I had a scare for Pre-Eclampsia because he looked to be big and my blood pressure was in the questionable range. I dreaded reaching 30 weeks because of what happened with James. All that and he was born perfect.

There is very rarely such a thing as a perfect pregnancy and whilst these things happened to me, it doesn't mean they will to other moms to be and sometimes, as proven with James, some things happen with no explanation, no warning and no lasting effects. So ladies, try to relax and enjoy having a baby on board.

It's when they are born things really take on a new slant!

3. My remaining family and in laws.

I am especially thankful for the arrival of baby Nelson this month. I am sure his US mom will certainly be celebrating his first Thanksgiving this year after the years of trying to conceive they endured.

Also I am especially thankful for having my grandad in my life for over 30 years. 9 months on, not a day goes past I don't think of him or miss him but I know I was lucky to have him around and that my kids all got to meet him. Sadly I don't think James and Liam will remember him but Matthew certainly will. I'm thankful he didn't suffer and that my nan is coping well.

4. I am thankful for my health and the health of those around me. Liam has a hospital appointment coming up and hubbys diabetes is well under control. My weight loss is having it's benefits and even my eczema is looking better since I cut right down on wheat. For only having to have 2 fillings on my visit to the dentist last week when I haven't been to a dentist for over 7 years.

5. I am thankful for music. Some songs have great memories, some songs have great meanings, some remind me of my kids, some my kids love to participate along to, others remind me of troublesome times and less than good memories. But overall, music is a great pick me up.

And here's just a general list of things I find simple that we take for granted.

Living in a free country where democracy rules *even if we disagree with the powers that be*
Being free of famine, malnutrition and war
Summer and Autumn
Long Hot Baths
Gerbera daisies especially pink and orange ones
Living in the country
Scented Candles
Indian Cooking
Nature
Holidays and weekends away
Christmas

Happy Thanksgiving one and all. x

Visiting London

What a lovely weekend we all had!

On Saturday hubbys mum came over to look after the boys for the day. Hubby and I started off heading to Colchester to collect his grandparents from home and we took them into London to visit his brother, wife and new baby Nelson.

I would not want to live in London but driving into it and through the city is something magical. We past many of the sites, we went over the River Thames via Tower Bridge along side The Tower Of London.

The blue bullet-shaped glass building in the background is a business centre called The Gherkin and is right in the City of London. This is the business capital of Great Britain. There are some very interesting and different types of building in London. There are so many modern architectures that some are simply just amazing to look at.

We had to get across London to where hubbys brother and his new little family live.

We approached London from the right where Dagenham is marked on the map. We then drove through the city (right in the very centre) to Wandsworth (a little South East of the centre next to Wimbledon in bold). This is around a 10 mile journey. However, the traffic in a major city such as London is much to be desired and the 60 mile journey from Colchester to the outskirts of London took 50 minutes - 10 miles from Dagenham to Wandsworth took over 2 hours!

London is a bustling place 7  days a week and we went on Saturday knowing that it was better than travelling on a Sunday. It is easier to do it by train but hubbys Grandparents are in their 80's and would not have managed the bustle of the Underground stations or the endless corridors of the tube and they wouldn't have been able to stand on the trains.

Once we got to their flat we were warmly welcomed . My brother in law is a budding cook and cooked us all a lovely lunch. A rich beef stew with mashed potatoes, broccoli spears and with some french bread to serve. It was delicious. I don't normally eat mashed potatoes but they were a treat.

I got the first (and the most) cuddles with baby Nelson. He is so much like James was a newborn. Very blond, bright blue eyes and so sweet. He didn't mind the strangers around him and was happily clasping my finger as I gave him cuddles.  Tomorrow he will be 3 weeks old already. Where has the time gone?

It appears that the birth was not as straightforward as I was led to believe. He was born by Caesarian Section despite the labour beginning well. His poor mom had two epidurals that did not work! Ouch. She also had a severe reaction to the epidural which meant that her legs ballooned with water and for the first week she had to have daily injections to prevent any clotting. She is now back to normal and says that if she'd known it would be like that she'd have agreed to the C Section alot earlier but the original plan was a home birth and she was already disappointed that couldn't happen so she was holding out for a natural delivery. Unfortunately neither happened  (Sorry all those pregnant friends out there) BUT they did get a beautiful little boy which is the utmost important thing in the world. As much as we want to be in control and have the perfect birth, sometimes, for some people it doesn't work out that way.

I thought I would become very broody again very quickly but it didn't happen. Whilst it was lovely having baby cuddles, it was once again a rare treat.  He really is a beautiful little man. It made me more aware of just how quick my boys have grown up and that we are lucky to have them all like this and that's made me more happy with what I have. I love the idea of another baby but the practicalities outweigh the "dream" and I am closer to getting a little bit of "me" back again. I would never change my kids for the world but every now and then you do question what and who you are beyond being just a mother. After 8 years of not working, I feel like I have lost a fair amount of my identity and look forward to getting back to work so I can have another side to my life and feel less of a one dimensional being. I love my family and home to bits but every once in a while it would be nice to do things for me a little more and once James and Liam are both in school full time, then I can see that happening a little more. I also want to bring in an extra wage to help out more.

Yesterday was another trip into Colchester. We started our christmas shopping and have got a fair amount of it done already. We only have my dad, hubbys dad, my grandad, Nelson and hubbys nan to buy for then we can start on the kids! We've got a few things on order so it will be a bit of a week for waiting about for deliveries but it should help out a fair deal.

I hope everyone else had enjoyable weekends too.