The Official Diagnosis?????

Matthews appointment with an ADHD specialist raised a few surprises.

It was a general talk about how he found things. He was asked numerous questions on just aboput everything from family life to how he does in school, how he feels about certain situations and how he deals with things that are bothering him.

Hubby and I were asked what our main concerns were, what we had tried in terms of curbing his over-excited behaviour. How we deal with the odd temper he may have and how the family get on as a whole.

Matthew answered all his questions confidently and in depth. Matthew was more than happy to talk and he really made me proud that he is not embarrassed to talk about his feelings like some 8 year old boys would be. That he listened well, he stuck to the subject in hand most of the time - Football did creep in a fair bit - and was able to answer clearly.

I let him answer as much as possible in his own words and he seemed to relish that the attention was all on him. Liam played up so hubby took him outside for a while so the interview could continue and not have Liam and James arguing over toys causing a distraction.

So, our chat lasted a little over an hour and the specialist explained that ADHD is diagnosed through a spectrum of levels and Matthew scored high in both spontaneity and hyperactivity according to reports from both myself and the school. Our opinions on the questionnaire both myself and his teachers had to do were almost identical. The only real difference being that his school rated him higher with behavioural issues a little more than I did. I did say I realise that this could be that we TRY to keep him occupied when he is at home, we go out alot and at home he has more stimulation as in tv, toys, football cards and his 3DS. Whereas in school, there are more oppertunities for him to get distracted and lose concentration should he get a little bored with something.

This was all agreed with.

The specialist said we were doing right with what we had been doing. Changing his diet, working with him, talking things over with him. He gave me a lot of confidence in that I was doing the best job I could and that we could do well with this.

On the other end of the spectrum, this deals with low self esteem, being prone to depression and violent outbursts. Matthew scored VERY low on these levels. He is a generally happy boy with bundles of confidence and  masses of love to share around. He does get a little sad that he doesn't have many friends but he prefers the company of adults and his little brothers. Academicly he is doing good, he is not behind in his classes and doesn't need one to one teaching although he will occassionally get a little more help than others with his writing and he does gym trail that helps him with his co-ordination and helps burn off a little energy.

So scoring very high in one half and very low in another Matthew was levelled out to around mid-table in the ADHD league.

This, according to the specialist means he DOES NOT have ADHD that they can diagnose unless things get progressively worse. Being mid table counts as "normal" another 5 marks or so and he'd be higher enough to be diagnosed with minor ADHD and another 15 medium ADHD. So it's good that he is not in higher levels.

At the moment, he is being seen as just a very active and fidgety child and it's not a concerning behavioural problem as things stand.

However, they have also agreed to send an undercover specialist into school to monitor his behaviour in the classroom. Matthew won't know they are there so it will purely be based purely on how he behaves in his normal environment. This will happen within the next 8 weeks and they will be back in touch with their findings.

It's a relief to know all is fine, he won't need medication but at the same time Matthew is very aware that there is no excuses for how he behaves so we are both working hard together to get through this and move forward.

Enough of Waiting.

Every now and then life tends to slow down.

This year feels it's been a year of waiting.

As much as I say time goes far too fast at times, there are other times when it feels like it just isn't going fast enough.

We are in the process of waiting for a little longer.

Matthew has to attend a childrens psychiatric unit tomorrow to be fully assessed by an ADHD specialist. They should be able to get to the bottom of his ADHD difficulties, give us a clearer diagnosis of how severe it is or isn't and probably offer a great deal of advice. Whilst I expect them to tell us what we have already done and are in the process of doing, I am mostly hoping they will be able to explain a bit more about ADHD to Matthew and give HIM tips to make life easier on him.

ALOT of the time I feel a terrible mother. I know a lot of kids don't listen to their parents but I feel like I am continuously telling the boy off. If I'm not telling him off I am shouting at him because I am frustrated that by the SIXTH time I've requested he do something or stop doing something and he still hasn't done it. I feel at times my patience is truly stretched; Other times, I feel incredibly guilty that I am simply not understanding enough to his needs and I feel like I am letting him down by not being supportive enough.

I know Matthew cannot help the way he is. he cannot help that he finds it hard to follow instructions, to sit still, to follow certain patterns, to concentrate on things that don't interest him, to complete tasks set before him but as a parent to two younger children it can be very hard to remain sane at times.

I want to help Matthew as much as possible but at 8 years old he needs to be learning skills on becoming a little more independent. Also, with two younger children, I don't want to neglect them by putting Matthews needs first. It's a very delicate balancing act and something that makes me feel crap about it whatever I do.

I have been feeling a little down the past couple of weeks,  not just about Matthew and ADHD, we have Liams keyhole op coming up at the end of next week too which is playing on my mind a little. The weather has been absolutely poo for several weeks with rain most days so we can't get outside and do as much as I would like and hubby has been working a fair bit. So, I think I am just feeling like I am holding the house and kids together but losing a bit of  "Me" in the process. However, I need to make time for me sometimes. I've had my hair cut in the last week, I've got some dye to give it a healthy colour and shine, I have a new mascara and I am growing my nails yet again.

I know I am always saying I am growing my nails but with kids, there becomes a point where long nails are more than just inconvenient, they are completely unworkable so I cut them really short. However, with the hair done and the nails looking better (I'll soon buy myself a nice new nail varnish) then maybe a little self pampering is what I've been missing out on. I just need to feel confident in myself again.

I'm never going to be happy with my weight whatever I do. I always hit walls where I don't seem to shift one way or another for a long long time. So, I am trying to stop obsessing about my body image and just live healthily. If I lose weight I will be incredibly happy but if I don't I need to learn body acceptance. I'm fed up of trying and achieving close to nothing. I need to just learn how to feel happy with myself a little more.

So, I am looking forward to this week and next week being over, I am tired of waiting for appointments in hospitals. I just want my little boys to be seen to and know where these issues are going then maybe I can begin to relax a little more. I'm fed up of feeling tense and stressed out for now.

Short But Sweet

Not a lengthy post but a very important one all the same.

I would just like to say that not a day goes by when I am not in awe of my little fellows.

I just occassionally look at each one and feel so happy to have them in my life. I love to see their own little characters grow and know I am part of that.

I am so proud to be a mum and they make my life worth living.

Motherhood is the best thing in the world ever and my little boys are what makes it this great!

Family Update April 2012

HI!!!!!!

Oh hello, yes, I still exist, I am just uber busy these days.

I don't need to tell you how full my days are, you just get the idea.

So..... It's been a good old week.

A few things of development to report.

1) Liam is potty training.

My BABY is giving it all a go. How can this be? So SOON? He's my BABY of the 3. Eek.

On Saturday I took off his nappy in the morning to change him and James had left his potty out in the front room. James will always use the toilet when he can but he is far more comfortable doing number 2's in the potty so we keep it to hand in case we need it. Liam has been showing a slight interest for a little while so he goes over and sits on it. The tiniest little trickle was heard, he stood up and looked so proud of himself as he realised what he had done. So I asked if he needed more wee-wee and he sat back down and did a fair bit more. As if that wasn't clever in itself, he then picked up the potty and tipped it down the downstairs toilet and flushed it. Someone really has been taking tips from his big brother!

The same day we let him choose his own special potty for this new little challenge in child development.

Since then, it's been less than successful. 2 puddles on the floor for a couple of days and nothing new in the potty just yet.

As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and it took James months to master the art of potty/toilet training but we are on our way. Liam just needs to learn how it feels when he needs to go.

2) James now dresses himself.

 He is at that point now where he LOVES to be independent. This week the newest stage of this is insisting on dressing himself. He does not accept any help offered and to be honest, he does a great job of it. Only once has he had something on back to front  and when I pointed it out, he very quickly managed to fix the problem himself.

3) I sacked my driving instructor!

Last Friday I went on a two hour drive with hubby for practice in the car. I did REALLY well in comparison to the first time I did this. It gave me a lot of encouragement and hubby was great. It did pinpoint to him how much I was NOT learning with my instructor. I admit, that the last few lessons with him has been crap. I don't feel like I am learning anything and at times it even feels like I am going backwards. Hubby explained WHY we do certain things when driving rather than just telling me to do it. I felt I learnt more in 2 hours with hubby than I did in 2 months with Driving Instructor. My DI was really annoying me. In the past 3 months he has changed 4 lessons because he has had something else come up and it was really beginning to grate on me that his priorities tended to lie elsewhere. He knew I had to work round hubby's shift work so changing my lessons often meant I could go 3 to 4 weeks between lessons which is no good for anyone. He has 2 other jobs, one as a school bus driver, the other as a van driver. He's made it clear that his driving school has seen better days and that he makes more money with the van work. It started ringing alarm bells. His attention is slipping from driving and I feel like it's being dragged out. I am incredibly fed up of his attitude and feeling that this was the last thing he wanted to be doing so decided it would be better for me to part company. Afterwards I discovered he is actually the most expensive instructor in the area. Another reason to quit the habit with him. I am now looking to book a new instructor. I am not quitting, I am making a change.

4) Liam has a new date for his operation.

Liam's operation has been rescheduled for May 18th. That's 3 weeks today! They will look to see if his inguinal hernia has returned and fix it if that is the case. The more I see it, the more and more I believe I am right on this. I have no doubt in my mind that this is the problem, so hopefully this time in 3 weeks, all will be resolved and we will have some answers.

5) Hubbys job is going from strength to strength.

As well as the annual payrise of 3% hubby got a further 5% for his extra training he's done, for his new levels of expertise and for generally doing well at his job. He is currently doing a home learning University course helping him to progress with work. He also worked with a boss who is high up in the company (2 bosses above his boss) who recommended that he looks out for jobs in middle management as oppertunities arise. Hubby said this boss is looking for a sort of apprentice to back on the move up the career ladder. Money would be VERY good if this sort of oppertunity arose. It's good to be in a career where you can progress and hubby needs a job that is challenging so this is perfect for him.

6)  Matthew no longer has a girlfriend. They broke up because he wanted to play football all the time apparently.

7)  James had a big day at school on Tuesday.

He stayed for lunch club and had his first school dinner. I had to pick him up at 1pm instead of the usual 11.45 but he loved every minute. He spent his time playing with a girl called Keira, she is now his girlfriend.

Kids are just too cute at this age!

I am sure there are other things I have missed out on but I need to update more often and I need to jot down all the funny little anecdotes my children give out daily. They are such funny little people!

Legoland - The Photos

ELEVEN days since my last post. Oh wow. I think that's a new blog record!

My only defense is it was school holidays and I had tonsilitus from Easter Friday until this weekend. It's a horrible horrible complaint and I did suffer. Eugh. Hubby was off  the second week of the school holidays and we ARE  a rather active family.

Last Wednesday we were away for the night. Matthew stayed at my nans and we took the two boys to Legoland. The ticket was valid for 2 days so we spent the night near to London's Heathrow airport. The kids LOVED Legoland. It's more of a theme park than I ever imagined it would be.

I got nearly 300 photo's but I know Blogger won't cope with that, so here's a few of my favourites and the story behind the pictures.

 At 88-89cm tall, Liam was just under the 90cm limit for alot of the rides. However, my baby did not miss out on much. Many of the rides were suitable for toddlers as long as they were accompanied.

 One ride he loved was a moving boat ride. The boat had a full Lego look and he even got a go at steering.

 James' favourite ride was the Little Learners Driving school. It was aimed at 3-5 year olds. There was also one for bigger kids but James loved driving.

Little James was one of the smallest kids on the ride both times he went for a drive and found steering difficult but he was so proud of himself for doing it. James got a Lego driving license at the end of the session. So my 3 yr old has beaten me to become an official licensed driver! ;)

 James and daddy in the queue for a mini rollercoaster. I especially love this picture as it is VERY rare James will pose properly for the camera and in this smile, you can just see how magical he found the theme park experience. And yes, that is a Lego Star Wars jumper.

On the Dragon Coaster, James looked terrified the first time round but by the time he came round the second time, he was smiling and joining in with the fun.

We do love our trips to London. Here is the London Eye.  Look closely and you will see, it is made of Lego. All the surrrounding buildings are made of Lego. The WHOLE sightseeing places of London was made into a big London cityscape. It was amazing.

 Lego Big Ben!

Lego London Cityscape. From front left clockwise, The Tower Of London, London Eye, Westminster (Big Ben and Parliament), The BT tower, St Pauls Cathedral.

Liam and I went on this ride when we were alone and James and daddy were queuing for another ride. This was great, even for someone like me who hates heights. Yes, I am a big wuss!

James Loved the mini helicopter ride.

When Liam couldn't go on a ride he was so patient and loved watching as much as taking part. He is such a little cherub!

There are plenty more photos to see if you are friends with me on faceboook that you are welcome to look through but these are the ones I like most.

This trip did us all good. Matthew had the oppertunity to come but he's not into Lego and opted to visit Manchester Uniteds Stadium - Old Trafford - later in the year for his special day out. Liam got back into the habit of sleeping in his own bed and it's been improving since we got home. He wants someone to sit with him until he falls asleep then he's fine. He had started off waking 3-4 times in the night for the first couple of days but last night we were down to waking up just the once.

Friday, we left the boys with my mother in law and went off to that grand old Grown Ups "theme park" they call Ikea. We've needed a new matress since we moved house and last weekend we finally got it. MIL stayed for dinner and looked after the kids in the evening so hubby and I could go out for a couple of drinks. We ended up joining up with a few other friends and had a very nice night out indeed.

A Lesson in iPhone and Blogger Combined.

I learnt a valuable lesson yesterday evening regarding my iPhone.

Be very careful when looking at blogger in this format.

It is very easy to accidentally change the language.........

..........To Arabic.

It's incredibly HARD to get out of it since it's not the letters you and I are used to.

In the end after 40 minutes and a bit of help from googling "Blogger change language" they gave me a link directly into the personalise settings.

Good work, I think to myself.

But it wasn't over then.

Most of the options are STILL written in arabic.

Thankfully there was an option to translate to French - It was the only recognisable word.

I then had to repeat the google process to get the "anglais" option (luckily I remember a touch of French from my school days to get Blogger back to how it should be.

Oh and of course, hubby was on the pc, not that the characters would have been any different as it's a linked account and I'd have still been clicking blind so to speak.

The moral of this story???

It's very easy on touchscreen to press the wrong thing in comparison to a click or two of the mouse.I think I'll stick to blogger via PC from now on.

Thinking About Religion.

If you have strong views on Religion in any form, feel free to skip this post. It's more a thinking out loud post. It's not intended to cause offence to any person of any faith but this is where I am with religion and why. Religion and politics are always the things people will disagree on in life

I know I have said it many times before but I am far from what you would call a religious woman. My parents and maternal grandparents are non believers and as for my paternal grandparents, I think my nan was but not my grandad so much. However, I find the whole idea of Religion and Faith very humbling. All the religions have such basic and decent morals behind them.

Different upbringings bring in very many different ideas but the general idea is that we should all treat others as we wish to be treated. To live well, to treat others fairly, to love one another, to not commit crimes, to respect others beliefs and wishes.

Last Friday was Matthews Easter church service and I went along with the boys. They are both at an age where they can begin to sit through something like this. James has been ready for a while but Liam is just getting there. The Church, as I have explained repeatedly, is a beautiful church. The above photo was taken at the entrance for the Harvest Festival last year, Liam would not have sat through that at the time but the entrance hall is stunning on close inspection.

Inside is just as stunning. I sat on the other side of the pillars on the left with the two boys (there's another 2 rowed aisle hidden from this picture) and they were really good.

The school kids told the Easter story with a mixture of readings, prayers and songs. It was beautiful and incredibly moving.

Whether you follow this religion, the story is a devestating tale of hurt, betrayal, despair and loss. I know proper Christians rejoice more in the Ressurrection but the story to that is very sad. It really did make me think and for quite some time afterwards. (Obviously as I am still thinking about it as I write one week on)

Other religions have similar grounds to their stories, of a certain person as a religious figure who became martyrs of their faith and the "second in command" figure to the chosen "God" that religion focusses on.

Belief is something I wish I had more of.

Faith is something I find in other ways. Science creates and explains so much more than it ever did as we discover more and more and understand it all that little bit more but I loved the whole church thing.

I know I sound a hypocrite being a non practicing Christian (I was Christened as a baby by the way - it was still quite a popular thing to do in the UK in the 80's) to love the church environment, the atmosphere, the radiance and glow it creates as it draws together a whole community.

I am looking forward to the Christmas service now and I believe that all kids should grow up knowing the real reasons behind our religious holidays. It's an important part of life whatever your religious background.

As more and more religions are becoming a bigger part of British Society we are seeing more Temples,  Synagogues and Mosques than ever. In certain areas of London and Birmingham Christianity is the lesser
practiced religion as the British become less and less religious. The minority religions total up more than the Christianity followers which is sad and whilst I accept all religions and their tales I also think that the local kids should be bought up knowing about British heritage and that DOES include religion. We were always a Christian country.

I am not blaming the immigrants who come over and continue their traditions on foreign soil, but those of us who are not doing enough to keep the religions, history, heritage and traditions circulating. It's no good blaming others.

So, whilst my kids are going to be eating FAR too much chocolate this Easter weekend, I have that traditional story in my mind as it does create a whole range of emotion through such a simple story that has been told for hundreds and hundreds of years.

The ONLY real argument I have against religion (besides believing that in the early years of religion they looked for answers and Science wasn't as advanced as it is now) is that if a modern day person came along saying they were a messanger of any "God" or  "Supreme Being/Energy" from any religion were to come along now then they would be branded a cult leader. People in the olden times before Science looked for answers, they believed what they were told (and yes, I do believe we are just as bad now but in a different way - it's human nature) and were given a path in life to follow.

However, why did only a set number of religions survive?

Why do different denominations of a larger religion vary so much on practices? (ie Catholics are much stricter than other practicing Christians)

The Romans had separate Gods for separate purposes. Then alot of the Roman Empire was taken over by Christianity. How many years did it really take for the belief of all those Gods to die out.

What other religions were out there but not documented as well as the ones we recognise and see today?

Ya know, I REALLY want to believe more, I really want to find the answers to the worlds age old questions but I don't think I will see it in my lifetime.

If there is an afterlife whether it be Heaven, Paradise, Reincarnation or simply death being it for us mere mortals, I just hope it shows that I did my best in this life to give love, be a good person and did what I could to be kind to others and went through life with an open mind and an open heart and a lot of respect for Holy tales. They do teach us so much in their own way.

So to all blog friends, whatever your beliefs, I wish you all a special weekend whatever you do.

In The Fields

Look at this lovely little yellow flowery thing I spotted in a field this week!

A field that is HUGE.

 Near to where I live we have 7 or 8 big fields of this, and I mean big fields. It covers a good number of acres.

It's incredibly close to my house too.

I pretty much live where the white house is in the mid section of the buildings on the left so you could say I live within a couple of hundred meters of this.

In the next few weeks it will grow into a field like this (car not included):

Ah, the beautiful British countryside hey??

NO!!!! NOT AT ALL!!!!

This is an evil field and will put a dampener on the summer months. Especially around harvest.

This is rapeseed. Rapeseed is a MAJOR allergen and this will cause me a really bad case of hay fever this year. Rapeseed allergy is even noted in England as being more than just hay fever and has it's own classification of allergies and that it is classified as a "polluter" to the British public. Some even call it Rapeseed Syndrome. Though many people will be unaffected by the little yellow flowers that give off a slight scent and fumes, those of us who do get the side effects will experience the following:

Flu like Symptoms
Asthma like Symptoms
Sore itchy eyes
Headaches
Conjunctivitis
Sinus infections
Skin Disorders
Puffy sore eyes
Wheezing

And that's just a few of the possible 32 side effects.

A couple of weeks back, I actually pulled a root out of the ground to try and guess what the green field was and to whether there was anything growing underground. No signs at all as to what it was. Within a few minutes, the top of my hand, where it had brushed a leaf of the bush had me with a load of little blister like bumps so I won't be touching it again ever.

Though I haven't experienced this yet this year, when we moved here 2 years ago I had the worst case of "hay fever" I had in my life. Blaming the surrounding area for it's increase in pollen, I put up with it as much as I could before buying something in a chemist. The harvest was almost unbearable.

It was a rapeseed year. That's why it was worse than ever before. This year I will be visiting my GP to get some proper relief.

The farmers work on a 2 year rotation.

The field nearer my house is just like grass at the moment and last year it was wheat or corn (the grain, not sweetcorn)  I believe. That didn't cause any trouble whatsoever so I am interested to see what the green grass like thing turns out to be this year.

So whilst I am looking forward to summer, I am also looking ahead to a possible summer on prescription.