I am really losing track of time, I am really not feeling this blog anymore either. Facebook has become my main form of communication to the entire world these days.
There's nothing too new I can add here.
The kids are growing up.
Me and hubby are happy.
Life revolves around school days and days out.
I feel happy.
There is not anything really bothering me in the way that I need to vent. *Some things will ALWAYS bother me but not too badly. hehe*
I just don't feel I can take this blog any further.
Life is just good. I'm settled, I'm happy. Nothing really big or exciting is going on right now but that's ok because it's how I have begun to enjoy life. Whilst it's good to have an exciting life, it's also good to know things are just going as I want them to.
All that into consideration, I feel now is a good time to bring this blog to a close. Thank you for the friendship and support over the years and there are some of you I know I will keep in touch with via other sites and I will continue to read blogs, but this just isn't for me anymore.
All the best to the wonderful people in blogland.
Becca xxx
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Monday, 29 April 2013
Monday, Monday
So, again it's Monday.
New things this week.
Liam woke up with his first ever dry overnight nappy. It's nearly time to try an all night without a nappy. Scary.
Unfortunately, whilst he is improving on this, he still tends to poo on the floor or sofa creating much frustration for me.
James and Liam went along to a friends birthday party yesterday. They loved it. It was in an indoor soft play area and they were served Domino's pizza for dinner. Lucky chappies!
Matthew has come home from school today with a lovely graze on his hip and an "injury notice". The schools have everything at the sake of Health And Safety.
James has his first ever school trip next week. They are off to a farm and need to take packed lunch. So cute.
Next week I have a meeting at Liams playgroup about his transition up to James's nursery and what to expect when he goes. It's a chance for me to ask all those questions I may have about the next stage of his education starting in September. Lovely (Do you sense the sarcasm in my tone?) Since I help out there every Thursday and know the system as well as I know my kids bedtime routines, it somewhat feels like a waste of a morning but I think I get a cup of coffee for giving up my time.
I will be taking 3 months off voluntary nursery help when Liam begins in September. This is to allow him to settle in and get used to it before I go in and confuse him once a week. I don't think he'd do it but I wouldn't want to upset him.
This week on Weight Watchers I lost 4.5lbs. That's a grand total of 11.5lbs so far. Yay. Trying to get the 14lb mark next week so knuckling down and being super careful with food this week.
This weekend we went off to our favourite holiday destination for the day. We bought a day pass so we could use all the facilities for less than £50 for the whole family. We watched a kids show, the kids went in the soft play area, we used the fairground, the mini kids rides and went swimming all for less than the price of 1 adult to a top tourist attraction.
So I think that is it for now. Oh, apart from the fact I am now beginning to really enjoy fruit and driving. But that's just me being weird.
New things this week.
Liam woke up with his first ever dry overnight nappy. It's nearly time to try an all night without a nappy. Scary.
Unfortunately, whilst he is improving on this, he still tends to poo on the floor or sofa creating much frustration for me.
James and Liam went along to a friends birthday party yesterday. They loved it. It was in an indoor soft play area and they were served Domino's pizza for dinner. Lucky chappies!
Matthew has come home from school today with a lovely graze on his hip and an "injury notice". The schools have everything at the sake of Health And Safety.
James has his first ever school trip next week. They are off to a farm and need to take packed lunch. So cute.
Next week I have a meeting at Liams playgroup about his transition up to James's nursery and what to expect when he goes. It's a chance for me to ask all those questions I may have about the next stage of his education starting in September. Lovely (Do you sense the sarcasm in my tone?) Since I help out there every Thursday and know the system as well as I know my kids bedtime routines, it somewhat feels like a waste of a morning but I think I get a cup of coffee for giving up my time.
I will be taking 3 months off voluntary nursery help when Liam begins in September. This is to allow him to settle in and get used to it before I go in and confuse him once a week. I don't think he'd do it but I wouldn't want to upset him.
This week on Weight Watchers I lost 4.5lbs. That's a grand total of 11.5lbs so far. Yay. Trying to get the 14lb mark next week so knuckling down and being super careful with food this week.
This weekend we went off to our favourite holiday destination for the day. We bought a day pass so we could use all the facilities for less than £50 for the whole family. We watched a kids show, the kids went in the soft play area, we used the fairground, the mini kids rides and went swimming all for less than the price of 1 adult to a top tourist attraction.
So I think that is it for now. Oh, apart from the fact I am now beginning to really enjoy fruit and driving. But that's just me being weird.
Monday, 22 April 2013
Bullet Post
- It was terrible to hear of last weeks bombings in Boston. It is a scary old world sometimes.
- I am glad they found the people responsible. I hope the one who has so far survived gets to be questioned for those families affected to get answers before they give him the death sentence. In a place like the US where the death penalty is the punishment given, then it should be dished out providing there is no doubt of their guilt. I do hope this was a case of the right people being found and not just a case of the police wanting to put peoples minds at ease. However, if they really were shooting at the cops and throwing improvised explosives at them upon trying to get away then they look very much the guilty party.
- I'm sure we're only hearing the tiniest parts of it in the UK compared to the media coverage in the US.
- On this occasion I get the feeling these two were cranks that took an interest in Al-Qaeda rather than carried out the attack on behalf of them. Other terrorist situations have had the offending party admit to the attack within hours.
- My first panic was East Coast America - Korea. Followed by a nasty 4 letter word beginning with F, then when they said it was IED's rather than missiles I began to relax. Someone please tell me, I was not the only person that had this go through their mind at first.
- Speaking of which, since the Boston bombs and Thatchers funeral last week, here in the UK, North Korea has not been mentioned at all. I am guessing that scaremongering of the media has passed without incident for now. Last we heard in the UK, North Korea were preparing for the idea of talks relating to negotiations. Since then (last Monday morning) not a word has been said anywhere.
- We have got rid of the upstairs stairgate. My house is no longer baby/toddler proof as they have all grown up. My biggest worry this morning is that they would get up early, trash the house or escape from it (not worrying about falling down the stairs like most normal people would worry about) but they were good. I told James and Liam that they should come and see mummy before coming downstairs this morning only to have them sleep in for an hour and a half longer than me. Lucky boys.
- Matthew is getting into books a lot more. He loves the author Michael Morpurgo and has 3 of his books now.
- Finally, I end on a high..........
- First week of Weight Watchers online went VERY well. I loved the plan, I loved the changes in my diet and best of all I loved:
- A 7LB LOSS
Thursday, 18 April 2013
It's Official
Yesterday we received the paperwork confirming that James has got a place in the village school.
It was never a big fear he wouldn't but it's just good to have the official final word.
As of September, my middle baby is going to be in school all day and wearing his first ever school uniform. Little things like this make me emotional. I can't believe that this little boy has grown so fast.
It was 5 years ago this week that my nan passed away (It was April 16th) and she was aware that she was going to have a second great grandchild. It's just sad she never met him or his little brother.
So now, I am rather excited to be thinking about the dinky cute first uniform. Matthew and James have red as the school uniform colour and James loves and suits red. He will get his first official school bag and a little sun hat. It's just gonna be so lovely.
The kids all went back to school this week and are settling back in nicely. They love going in in the mornings and getting back in the swing of things after a couple of weeks off has gone very well. I was happy to be back in nursery helping out this morning and it flew by. I was entrusted with the laminating machine and re-did a lot of name badges and bits for the kids. I then watched over the kids during snack time. It's amazing how good 3 and 4 year olds are at pouring water or milk from a jug to a beaker. They are incredibly tidy eaters and drinkers believe it or not and they love their fruit!!!
My first few days of Weight Watchers are going incredibly well. As well as eating more fruit and veg I am back to eating breakfast and I am cutting down heavily on potatoes, rice and pasta. I only have bread at lunchtime so I am reducing my carbs alot as I don't believe they do me any good. They make me feel bloated and uncomfortable so since I am changing the way I eat, this is a good thing for me.
It was never a big fear he wouldn't but it's just good to have the official final word.
As of September, my middle baby is going to be in school all day and wearing his first ever school uniform. Little things like this make me emotional. I can't believe that this little boy has grown so fast.
It was 5 years ago this week that my nan passed away (It was April 16th) and she was aware that she was going to have a second great grandchild. It's just sad she never met him or his little brother.
So now, I am rather excited to be thinking about the dinky cute first uniform. Matthew and James have red as the school uniform colour and James loves and suits red. He will get his first official school bag and a little sun hat. It's just gonna be so lovely.
The kids all went back to school this week and are settling back in nicely. They love going in in the mornings and getting back in the swing of things after a couple of weeks off has gone very well. I was happy to be back in nursery helping out this morning and it flew by. I was entrusted with the laminating machine and re-did a lot of name badges and bits for the kids. I then watched over the kids during snack time. It's amazing how good 3 and 4 year olds are at pouring water or milk from a jug to a beaker. They are incredibly tidy eaters and drinkers believe it or not and they love their fruit!!!
My first few days of Weight Watchers are going incredibly well. As well as eating more fruit and veg I am back to eating breakfast and I am cutting down heavily on potatoes, rice and pasta. I only have bread at lunchtime so I am reducing my carbs alot as I don't believe they do me any good. They make me feel bloated and uncomfortable so since I am changing the way I eat, this is a good thing for me.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
My Theme Tune For The Year
I'm Gonna Make A Change,I could not have said it better than the man Michael Jackson himself.
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .
Yesterday came a little turning point in my life.
I rejoined Weight Watchers after years of being off of it.
The turning point was when I got some clothes delivered from a lovely store whose clothing quality I really admire. I ordered my normal size jeans. I got some that size and they were tight on the thighs and about 4 inches from doing up. I guess that's the difference between quality jeans and stretchy jeans.
So, for a while I felt bad about my weight.
In fact for MONTHS I've felt bad about my weight. So, in a moment of madness I signed up to WW online and paid out the fee for 3 months worth of the site and it's support.
I've been wanting to get back into WW for some time but the meetings aren't in a convenient place or time to suit near to where I live so with help of the good old pc, I am now a fully fledged member and today is my first real day of changing my life.
As Michael J, also sang:
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
Sunday, 7 April 2013
Easter Holidays Week 1.
I promised an update on the kids in the week but being that sort of spontaneous family, we went away for the week instead! Ha.
The Easter break has started off with highs and lows.
The Low
The CAR!
Let's start at the beginning. Last Saturday we thought it would be a nice idea to start the holidays by booking a 4 night break in Devon. That's a nice little 4.5 hour drive away with lovely coastlines and normally warmer weather. So we booked it. 3 hours later we went out in the car and were greeted with a rather worrying sound. Hubby first thought it was the cam belt but upon getting advice from a garage it was actually a resistor thing with a loose screw. We managed to get the car home and hubby arranged to borrow a friends car for our journey whilst his friend with mechanics experience was going to take a look at the car and fix what he could whilst we were away. Upon returning home we also get the news that the alternator belt was damaged and we now need a new power steering pump. Garage cost £550 for the lot. However, like I said, hubbys friend is a mechanic and we've found a good website selling spare parts. The parts we need come to the grand total of £110. That's a fair old drop on the original quote (Our car is probably only worth £1200 anyway) but we will pay him for his time and labour costs but we know he won't charge as much as the garage. One garage even told us it was something else on top of the original problems we knew of. Hubby was already dubious of them as they tried to sell him extras when we had work done there before. Luckily hubby is rather car savvy (unlike me) and turned round and said he knew it didn't need that extra work so we take their advice as wrong and assume them to be rip off merchants.
The High
Devon
On Monday we travelled from Suffolk on the far right (we're just above the ^ where it joins Essex) and drove to the South West county of Devon (just below the "N") for a break at a big holiday camp. It took us about 6 hours to get there n total. We needed 2 toilet stops with the kids and we stopped for lunch about halfway there. The traffic wasn't too bad for a bank holiday and though most of it was motorway it was a nice journey.
We stayed in a caravan. It was FREEZING. Day time temps were getting up to 8oC and 9oC but night time temps were down to -1oC. After a cold first night with the living room heater on full blast we rushed out to buy a storage heater for the other end of the caravan.
The kids were happy enough though as they love caravan holidays. We were situated near all the entertainment complex and enjoyed all the facilities from family shows, swimming, indoor play area, outdoor park, outdoor pirate themed park and the beach.
The beach was beautiful. Typical West Country is a clay cliff area and a very vivid browny orange in colour.
That little boy in the blue checked jacket running down to the beach with his bucket and spade is my James whilst Matthew waits slightly to the left. :)
The view from the caravan park itself was stunning. This was taken from the balcony of the entertainment area and bar:
Yes, that is a golf course on our holiday resort with the beautiful blueness of the West Country coast in the background. Over to the East coast where we are situated is a more grey sea.
The weather itself was lovely, just cold.
The kids loved swimming and we visited the town of Exmouth a few miles up the road and the nearby city of Exeter. It was a lovely break and we all enjoyed it.
The kids all had school reports in the last weeks of school. All three boys are doing fabulously. They are getting on very well and improving a great deal.
Liams speech is still a concern. He will speak when he is ready. He is still using very short sentences but he is getting there slowly. James always spoke very quietly and not very clear. Liam is loud enough, clear enough, he just chooses not to talk much.
Yesterday we took our chances and had our first barbecue of the year. It went very well. We invited our friends over and we all had a good afternoon/evening of food, drink and good company. The sun came out, the day even warmed up enough not to wear coats outside.
This morning I was nicely woken up by James singing Gangnam Style from his bed. :) When you have small kids, even the most annoying songs become sweet in a way. "Hey, Sexy Lady" from a 4 year old is rather amusing.
The Easter break has started off with highs and lows.
The Low
The CAR!
Let's start at the beginning. Last Saturday we thought it would be a nice idea to start the holidays by booking a 4 night break in Devon. That's a nice little 4.5 hour drive away with lovely coastlines and normally warmer weather. So we booked it. 3 hours later we went out in the car and were greeted with a rather worrying sound. Hubby first thought it was the cam belt but upon getting advice from a garage it was actually a resistor thing with a loose screw. We managed to get the car home and hubby arranged to borrow a friends car for our journey whilst his friend with mechanics experience was going to take a look at the car and fix what he could whilst we were away. Upon returning home we also get the news that the alternator belt was damaged and we now need a new power steering pump. Garage cost £550 for the lot. However, like I said, hubbys friend is a mechanic and we've found a good website selling spare parts. The parts we need come to the grand total of £110. That's a fair old drop on the original quote (Our car is probably only worth £1200 anyway) but we will pay him for his time and labour costs but we know he won't charge as much as the garage. One garage even told us it was something else on top of the original problems we knew of. Hubby was already dubious of them as they tried to sell him extras when we had work done there before. Luckily hubby is rather car savvy (unlike me) and turned round and said he knew it didn't need that extra work so we take their advice as wrong and assume them to be rip off merchants.
The High
Devon
We stayed in a caravan. It was FREEZING. Day time temps were getting up to 8oC and 9oC but night time temps were down to -1oC. After a cold first night with the living room heater on full blast we rushed out to buy a storage heater for the other end of the caravan.
The kids were happy enough though as they love caravan holidays. We were situated near all the entertainment complex and enjoyed all the facilities from family shows, swimming, indoor play area, outdoor park, outdoor pirate themed park and the beach.
The beach was beautiful. Typical West Country is a clay cliff area and a very vivid browny orange in colour.
The view from the caravan park itself was stunning. This was taken from the balcony of the entertainment area and bar:
Yes, that is a golf course on our holiday resort with the beautiful blueness of the West Country coast in the background. Over to the East coast where we are situated is a more grey sea.
The weather itself was lovely, just cold.
The kids loved swimming and we visited the town of Exmouth a few miles up the road and the nearby city of Exeter. It was a lovely break and we all enjoyed it.
The kids all had school reports in the last weeks of school. All three boys are doing fabulously. They are getting on very well and improving a great deal.
Liams speech is still a concern. He will speak when he is ready. He is still using very short sentences but he is getting there slowly. James always spoke very quietly and not very clear. Liam is loud enough, clear enough, he just chooses not to talk much.
Yesterday we took our chances and had our first barbecue of the year. It went very well. We invited our friends over and we all had a good afternoon/evening of food, drink and good company. The sun came out, the day even warmed up enough not to wear coats outside.
This morning I was nicely woken up by James singing Gangnam Style from his bed. :) When you have small kids, even the most annoying songs become sweet in a way. "Hey, Sexy Lady" from a 4 year old is rather amusing.
Friday, 29 March 2013
Muffled Apologies As I Sit At The PC And Try To Pretend I've Not Been AWOL For The Past Month.
I feel like I am back in my secondary school, rolling into my maths class late.
I stroll in, As I look around me feeling a little embarrassed aware that people have noticed my absence and are now judging me for my absence and wondering where I have been - I apologise for being late and sit down quietly.
I take out my books and pencil case and quickly try to catch up with the work I should have been done.
The thing is, in my maths class, I am not sorry for being late. I just didn't hurry myself or get my butt into gear and just get on with things.
This latest little absence from the land of Blog feels like it did back in the day.
I'm a bad blogger that spends far too much on that networking site playing games Crushing Candies and doing Investigations and autopsies.
Life is good.
I recently said to a very good friend that "There are 3 stages of everything in family life. The exciting, the disappointing and the normal"
Life here is INCREDIBLY normal but that's not at all a bad thing.
We're secure, the kids are happy amidst school and routines and most of the time, I am happy with the way it all slots in.
Hubby is working hard but we're also enjoying alot of family time and still aim for the odd date night once a month.
This month we went to the local theater and watched a comedienne. It wasn't that she was particularly bad, but more that the audience weren't the most exciting audience. Hubby and I had never heard of her despite her apparently having her own tv show a few years back and she was ok, but it looked a hard gig for her.
Personally, now I no longer pay ridiculous costs for driving lessons, I have invested in a little more baking equipment. I FINALLY bought a good quality icing bag and have been having a bit of a play with it this week.
For my next challenge I want to do a full iced cake and cupcakes. If they come out good, I may even start posting the odd recipe book. Today I also got myself a new baking book.
I have been reading LOADS this year. I am rather into things this year with a little local history and factual content rather than just the fiction genre. I love my novels I really do, but sometimes fact is much more exciting when you really can visualise the story and scene behind the narrative.
My last post was on my cousin and his state of depression. He is doing wonderful now. He will not get over depression overnight but the medication is really helping him and he is getting his life back together and doing the things he did before once again. It's a massive relief for all.
My best friend has got her marriage back on track. An honest chat with her husband and a kid free weekend away from home has given them a new lease of life as a couple. His job is now also safe so ALL the stresses they were under before is now behind them so I hope they can get on well in the future. They are a nice little family and deserve some better luck this year.
I'll be back later in the week to fill everyone in on the kids school reports this term. They are being little superstars as always but they deserve a page to themselves.
Finally............ I am feeling rather broody at the moment. Baby bumps appear to be everywhere. 2013 is going to be a big year for babies. Like I've said many times before, the idea is wonderful - practicalities are not. So big sigh and on with life trying not to get too broody.
I stroll in, As I look around me feeling a little embarrassed aware that people have noticed my absence and are now judging me for my absence and wondering where I have been - I apologise for being late and sit down quietly.
I take out my books and pencil case and quickly try to catch up with the work I should have been done.
The thing is, in my maths class, I am not sorry for being late. I just didn't hurry myself or get my butt into gear and just get on with things.
This latest little absence from the land of Blog feels like it did back in the day.
I'm a bad blogger that spends far too much on that networking site playing games Crushing Candies and doing Investigations and autopsies.
Life is good.
I recently said to a very good friend that "There are 3 stages of everything in family life. The exciting, the disappointing and the normal"
Life here is INCREDIBLY normal but that's not at all a bad thing.
We're secure, the kids are happy amidst school and routines and most of the time, I am happy with the way it all slots in.
Hubby is working hard but we're also enjoying alot of family time and still aim for the odd date night once a month.
This month we went to the local theater and watched a comedienne. It wasn't that she was particularly bad, but more that the audience weren't the most exciting audience. Hubby and I had never heard of her despite her apparently having her own tv show a few years back and she was ok, but it looked a hard gig for her.
Personally, now I no longer pay ridiculous costs for driving lessons, I have invested in a little more baking equipment. I FINALLY bought a good quality icing bag and have been having a bit of a play with it this week.
I have been reading LOADS this year. I am rather into things this year with a little local history and factual content rather than just the fiction genre. I love my novels I really do, but sometimes fact is much more exciting when you really can visualise the story and scene behind the narrative.
My last post was on my cousin and his state of depression. He is doing wonderful now. He will not get over depression overnight but the medication is really helping him and he is getting his life back together and doing the things he did before once again. It's a massive relief for all.
My best friend has got her marriage back on track. An honest chat with her husband and a kid free weekend away from home has given them a new lease of life as a couple. His job is now also safe so ALL the stresses they were under before is now behind them so I hope they can get on well in the future. They are a nice little family and deserve some better luck this year.
I'll be back later in the week to fill everyone in on the kids school reports this term. They are being little superstars as always but they deserve a page to themselves.
Finally............ I am feeling rather broody at the moment. Baby bumps appear to be everywhere. 2013 is going to be a big year for babies. Like I've said many times before, the idea is wonderful - practicalities are not. So big sigh and on with life trying not to get too broody.
Friday, 1 March 2013
The Untalkable Subject
*DISCLAIMER: This post may be a little bit graphic and upsetting to some so I will not be offended if you close this page but I feel that the subject as touchy as it is should be something that is spoken about more in society.
This has certainly been a week of bad news.
At the start of the week I heard some very worrying news.
My cousin and his girlfriend were together over 4 years. She was "The One" in his eyes and they had a really good lifestyle between them. He was successful in his job and her in hers. About a month ago, they split up. He took it really bad and slipped into depression that steadily got worse. Over last weekend, he decided enough was enough, told his friends on facebook that he wasn't going to let this ruin him any more and thanked everyone for their support.
Later the same day he connected his belt to the stairs and tried to hang himself.
I've always been a strong believer in things happen for a reason.
On this day though, it wasn't his time to go. Luckily, he lives in a rather modern house so they aren't built like they used to be. The banister broke and he ended up more bruised from the fall than anything. He still lives with my Aunt and Uncle and whilst I am unsure whether they were at home or at work at the time, I am aware that he was found by his mum at some point. The nurse who lived over the road assisted while they awaited the ambulance and he was admitted to hospital, given a full mental assessment and despite already being on medication for depression was prescribed stronger drugs to help him.
My cousin was always one of those "lads". You know the type, bit of a ladies man, had more women than hot dinners, likes his fast cars and all that, works as a mechanic for the MOD and always had a smile on his face.
At 27 he's far from the stereotypical teenager trying to commit suicide or "the call for help" you often hear about.
The break up has destroyed him.
We were also told that 2 weeks ago he tried to slit his wrists. My Aunt and Uncle didn't share that before as they did think it was the "cry for help" and that's why he was initially put on medication and in touch with a consellor. Obviously, that wasn't enough.
I worry about him obviously.
This does not sound like the cousin I have always known and loved for his cheeky smile, his (at times) cocky but likeable attitude. We may not be that close but he's still someone I've known since he was born and I worry about my Aunt and Uncle and my nan. It was 9 days after the anniversary of my Grandads death so it was a bad time for everyone.
I pray that this time he gets the right help. There is that fear that if he's tried it twice and failed, will there be another time? Will he ever succeed or will this be a lifetime of worry and stress for everyone close to him. Part of my fear is that he will be one of those "lost" people. Those who disappear off the face off the earth to never be found.
I feel so much for his parents right now. Speaking as a mother I cannot begin to think how his mother must be feeling right now. I think of my boys and from the day you know you are pregnant, your instinct is to protect them. To keep them safe. To make them feel loved. As a baby you fear the illnesses, the Sudden Infant Death. They grow, you fear what they may grab when they crawl. You fear every fall when they begin to walk. You fear them not fitting in at Playgroup. Not having friends at school. Fights amongst boys as they grow. They grow to teenagers. Smoking, drinking and drugs become the new parental fear. They grow out of all those stages relatively healthily. Become smart young men with a great future ahead of them. Then they get a big old knockback in life and they feel that life is no longer worth living. EVERY moment you have feared for them must come back. You think you are out of the danger zones when accidents and the problems you most feared are behind them to come back to this.
It's not just that he's lost his girlfriend. He's lost himself.
It's never any good saying "get a grip" "you need to be strong" etc as Depression is a mental illness and it could be a very long process ahead for him and his family. I just hope for everyones sake that this new medication is a help to him in the coming weeks.
We also worry about his dad. Very much of the "talking won't help/a man needs to act like a man" generation, we KNOW he will be supportive of his son, but what about him. He never talks about tough times. He is in his mid 50's is asthmatic and has had poor health on and off for quite some time. So we just hope that he is ok and that the stress doesn't make more problems for his health or worse.
This was not an easy post to write but I do feel that mental health and the subject of suicide or attempted suicide at least should be spoken about to help those that need the help most get some better understanding. It's not an easy path and it must be a really dark place to be when it feels the only way out of it is the eternal darkness of death.
Thinking of all my family and wishing them all strength.
This has certainly been a week of bad news.
At the start of the week I heard some very worrying news.
My cousin and his girlfriend were together over 4 years. She was "The One" in his eyes and they had a really good lifestyle between them. He was successful in his job and her in hers. About a month ago, they split up. He took it really bad and slipped into depression that steadily got worse. Over last weekend, he decided enough was enough, told his friends on facebook that he wasn't going to let this ruin him any more and thanked everyone for their support.
Later the same day he connected his belt to the stairs and tried to hang himself.
I've always been a strong believer in things happen for a reason.
On this day though, it wasn't his time to go. Luckily, he lives in a rather modern house so they aren't built like they used to be. The banister broke and he ended up more bruised from the fall than anything. He still lives with my Aunt and Uncle and whilst I am unsure whether they were at home or at work at the time, I am aware that he was found by his mum at some point. The nurse who lived over the road assisted while they awaited the ambulance and he was admitted to hospital, given a full mental assessment and despite already being on medication for depression was prescribed stronger drugs to help him.
My cousin was always one of those "lads". You know the type, bit of a ladies man, had more women than hot dinners, likes his fast cars and all that, works as a mechanic for the MOD and always had a smile on his face.
At 27 he's far from the stereotypical teenager trying to commit suicide or "the call for help" you often hear about.
The break up has destroyed him.
We were also told that 2 weeks ago he tried to slit his wrists. My Aunt and Uncle didn't share that before as they did think it was the "cry for help" and that's why he was initially put on medication and in touch with a consellor. Obviously, that wasn't enough.
I worry about him obviously.
This does not sound like the cousin I have always known and loved for his cheeky smile, his (at times) cocky but likeable attitude. We may not be that close but he's still someone I've known since he was born and I worry about my Aunt and Uncle and my nan. It was 9 days after the anniversary of my Grandads death so it was a bad time for everyone.
I pray that this time he gets the right help. There is that fear that if he's tried it twice and failed, will there be another time? Will he ever succeed or will this be a lifetime of worry and stress for everyone close to him. Part of my fear is that he will be one of those "lost" people. Those who disappear off the face off the earth to never be found.
I feel so much for his parents right now. Speaking as a mother I cannot begin to think how his mother must be feeling right now. I think of my boys and from the day you know you are pregnant, your instinct is to protect them. To keep them safe. To make them feel loved. As a baby you fear the illnesses, the Sudden Infant Death. They grow, you fear what they may grab when they crawl. You fear every fall when they begin to walk. You fear them not fitting in at Playgroup. Not having friends at school. Fights amongst boys as they grow. They grow to teenagers. Smoking, drinking and drugs become the new parental fear. They grow out of all those stages relatively healthily. Become smart young men with a great future ahead of them. Then they get a big old knockback in life and they feel that life is no longer worth living. EVERY moment you have feared for them must come back. You think you are out of the danger zones when accidents and the problems you most feared are behind them to come back to this.
It's not just that he's lost his girlfriend. He's lost himself.
It's never any good saying "get a grip" "you need to be strong" etc as Depression is a mental illness and it could be a very long process ahead for him and his family. I just hope for everyones sake that this new medication is a help to him in the coming weeks.
We also worry about his dad. Very much of the "talking won't help/a man needs to act like a man" generation, we KNOW he will be supportive of his son, but what about him. He never talks about tough times. He is in his mid 50's is asthmatic and has had poor health on and off for quite some time. So we just hope that he is ok and that the stress doesn't make more problems for his health or worse.
This was not an easy post to write but I do feel that mental health and the subject of suicide or attempted suicide at least should be spoken about to help those that need the help most get some better understanding. It's not an easy path and it must be a really dark place to be when it feels the only way out of it is the eternal darkness of death.
Thinking of all my family and wishing them all strength.
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