That Balance Between The Bubble And Reality With Kids.

Today we wake up to the shocking passing of Cory Monteith of Glee.

He was found deceased in his hotel room by staff after failing to check out of his room on time. The reason is yet to be discovered but the British press is very quick to jump to the previous media stories of his stints in rehab.

Of course, this could be a completely innocent. Sudden Adult Death Syndrome can happen to anyone at anytime or he could have had an underlying medical condition such as a heart defect but sadly, the way the press are reporting the story, they are very much speculating that drugs may be involved. Whether it be accidental or intentional remains to be seen as the actor also struggled publicly with depression. Again, whether it was depression that lead to alcohol and drug abuse or the other way round, we should respect that a young man has lost his life too soon.

We live in an incredibly judgemental world.

A world where it's easy to find someone else to blame, someone else to accuse and any factor for just about anything these days.

Right now his family and friends and many fans are in mourning for a young man who meant alot to them all.

It's ALWAYS easy to say you should never take drugs or drink to excess. We don't always know the reasons why people start. For some it is something they can remain strong with but for others it's a long downward spiral. It was well documented he started drinking heavily young and was in rehab for alcohol at 19, he's since been in for drugs. The last time he left rehab was just April. He had tried to get help but sadly, it looks like it wasn't enough.

Again, I repeat this may NOT be anything to do with drugs, but since I am writing this post I am proving to be just as judgemental and quick to jump to conclusions as much as everyone else. (I never said I was perfect!)

Having 3 boys, drugs is one of my main worries as they grow older. I have already spoken with Matthew today about the dangers of drugs. He's a smart boy but easily influenced. Education is a big part of prevention when it comes to the things teenagers could do. I'd rather be honest with Matthew and educate him right than to have him try things because he doesn't understand them. Yet, I don't want him to rebel and try them regardless either.

I know I am writing alot about parenting lately but there is very much a style to parenting. People will always have differing ideas. Some people like to keep their kids in a bubble and there will be real culture shocks as the children grow older. This is the main reason I disagree with homeschooling. Children need to mix with all sorts of people to see that everyone is different. They need to see good and bad in the world. They need to make up their own minds as they grow older and make calculated decisions on their own.

I won't always agree with my childrens choices as they don't always agree with mine (generally that I AM boss of them, not the other way round) and as children become older, they need to work out what is right and wrong on their own as well through living not just through textbooks and what mum and dad say.

I know some people won't agree with me talking about drugs with my 9 year old son.

It's one of those touchy subjects on how much you can protect a child from lifes brutalities but keep them informed enough to not make bad choices.

 I don't go into too much detail, I just explain that some drugs lead to stronger drugs and that people can't always give them up. When the drugs take over, the person becomes less of that person, they change and they aren't always nice people. Sometimes, drugs can kill and it's not worth getting started as it will only make too many people upset and worried about them.

I think he understands it all based on his levels of understanding.

Just what is that answer of  "this is what we should do" when the subject eventually comes up, to where is that fine line of overprotecting and being to brutal and realistic with kids.

There are good and bad parents out there. There are parents that do abuse alcohol and drugs in the family home then there are those who have never touched a drop of alcohol or ever experimented with drugs. In modern society, the latter is by far in the minority.

Even I like a little much drink occasionally. It has never taken over my life and I do not drink in the home. I drink less than I used to and I may go out for a drink and socialising about once a month. It will always be when I know my kids are in good company. A grandparent babysits and will do so overnight. Sometimes we go away for the night, sometimes we come back late after a few drinks but I don't come back in a terrible state. I am no longer a teen or in my twenties and I have bigger things to worry about. I have responsibilities now that I never had when I was younger but I did enjoy my young adult years. I don't even drink in my home. Maybe 1 small bottle of beer with a curry but beyond that I don't drink at home. Even with bbq's in summer I stick to soft drinks. Why? Because if something ever happened to the kids when I was under the influence so to speak, I would never forgive myself. I have a huge sense of responsibility and should I ever have to take a child to hospital then it would not look good if mum and dad were clearly drunk. I can't do that to my kids and I'd never cope with the guilt.

Like I said, I am no perfect parent, I need time for me too so like I said I go out and enjoy myself knowing that they are in capable hands should there be an emergency. All parents need a break and to be themselves rather than just be mum and dad but it's about keeping responsible in such times.

There's so much in life we cannot control. Accidents are unforeseen incidents that cannot be avoided and there are not always reasons why certain things happen.

Back to Cory, if his death is due to an accident or a medical reason then the press should be ashamed for making such a big deal of his damaged past. Unfortunately, all too often with the media, there is no smoke without fire and all too often a small part of something has been unintentionally leaked to make more accurate story before the real cause of death is announced.

Transition Time

It's getting near that emotional time of year.

I have spent much of the last week feeling sentimental and looking back on the kids and how they have grown up so darn quick.

As a mum you spend all your time striving towards the next milestone, the next step of their development.

You plan so much. You think how hectic life is and look forward to the time they go to school. Before you know it, they ARE going to playgroup, then they go to nursery and before you know it they are off to full time education.  It goes by so fast.

The whole week that has just gone has been a mix of education and medical meetings.

The kids have all had their transfer day where they move up to the next class and got to meet their new teachers. Liam already knows his two teachers as we see them every day when we drop James. He can't wait to go to the school nursery. James has one new teacher and one teacher he knows. For his first 6 months at nursery he had a teacher that went off on maternity leave. She is now back as one of his teachers this year and is very happy and comfortable with someone he already knows so hopefully it won't be too daunting. Matthew knows his teacher through the school and she is supposed to be very good.

It will be a big culture shock having James at school all day. They explained how they would like us to all gather at the reception class doors and bundle all the children in together without parents so they can get used to the new way quickly. Personally, I whole heartedly agree with this. There were a lot of parents arguing that if their child is crying they would feel bad. Having watched kids in nursery and playgroup, I am very much aware how this crying lasts longer when mum or dad is an audience. There will be nervous and uneasy kids, it's a big step for a 4 year old but this is the first step to a real school life. They will do fine.

The meeting about reception felt more like a lecture on being on time for school for half the meeting but in general it was a rather bittersweet feeling. You feel proud that they are growing up so wonderfully but realise that this is a whole new stage of their lives and that now they really are mainstream school children.

It's going to be so cute seeing them go in with their school uniforms and lunch bags. They were given their school bags this week and James was really proud.

Nothing at all changes for Liam joining nursery.

So the kids are all at that stage of transition where they will all suddenly seem that much bigger after the school holidays.

As for medical things, James' teachers are concerned not just about his speech but also his understanding. Last Tuesday James' nursery teacher came with us to the GP with a personal portrait on what James can't do in class to keep up with his friends. Some of the things on the list seem very petty and for a good deal of the things they are concerned about, James has been there, done that and grown out of it. James has a great logical brain, He has good motor skills but his teachers worry that he doesn't make noise when playing with cars. He did this when he was 1-2 yrs old. He's grown out of that now. He doesn't seem to understand the concept of playing snap - He plays it ALL THE TIME at home so I assume he was bored playing it at school. At home, I see a very different side to the shy quiet little boy they have in class. Deep down, James seems very mature for his age and he is not doing the things they expect him to as he sees it as "babyish".

So to keep the school happy and to tick all the right boxes for helping my child, I took him along to the doctors and they will refer him to the child development clinic for full tests to see how he gets on and what they think. James is just a fairly quiet boy that thinks alot. We'll just see how that goes.

On the Wednesday we went to Bury St Edmunds diabetes care unit as hubby left his insulin at work and had none in the house spare. They gave us loads of extra spares to make sure there was always some available.

Friday Liam went back to the speech therapist. She agreed that he had improved greatly since our initial meeting but would still recommend the group therapy they have for children behind in speech. We are still waiting to hear about this. They say they hope to fit him in before Christmas so it's just a case of waiting again.

Yesterday we had the local health visitor visit. She was lovely (normally I have a severe dislike of these professionals) and seeing the boys in their homes confirmed Liam was behind in his speech but was far from concerned. He's not in mainstream school yet and he is the youngest so it's not common to be left behind on speech at this age. As for James, he was very comfortable talking to her in his home environment talking about the things he was interested in. She could understand him clearly and he was very confident as he was doing what he wanted and able to explain his ideas. She asked if he shows an interest in language and I told her how I start bedtime stories and leave gaps for the kids to fill the story with their imagination. She told me I was doing everything they would normally recommend to help them improve language skills and that following our little meeting she was more than happy with what she had seen and that she would not need to do a repeat or follow up visit unless I initiated it and wanted any advice or help at all. She was LOVELY, very down to earth and a mum to 3 boys herself so she understood a lot of what we are going through with the school and how they DO help but alot of the time it's to have all the right records on them as teachers and show the school is doing well.

So that's the past week and a half in a nutshell.

Hey, You, Yes - You There, My Blog Is A Little Different But It's Still Me.

Dearest blog friends, I raise a question at the end and I would LOVE to have some input from anyone who reads this as I do think it would be interesting to see peoples responses.

So straight on to the newness and the change in style. Beccas Family Of 5 needed a little facelift. I've been working on making this a bit more up to date for modern life. Yes, there are still 5 of us and I don't intend on that number growing but how many of us have watched movies where they get the happy ending and that's it and felt a bit disappointed.

In life, nothing is ever really over.

What is the old saying,

The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes over time.

It is a constant reminder that nothing is ever finished. Even when it comes to death, someone else has that story to share once that person is gone. A story never ends, the story will always grow.

I am far from the person I was when I started blogging. A fellow blogger raised that question the other day as to why people blog and I answered, as I always do with my heart:

Here's my guilty secret, I've been blogging for 15 years. That's almost half my life.

I started at Diaryland when I was 18 to vent the teenage work/boyfriend stuff, then I developed as a person, had more boyfriends, met my husband, got pregnant, got married, had a baby, separated after years of "domestic violence" and being controlled.

Again, I developed as a person, became a better person, became a better mother, started dating again, had some real failures but eventually met my husband, had 2 more sons, divorced, moved house and remarried.

Then since 2010 life has been rather level so I am now on blogger and intend to stay until I have no more journeys or adventures left to share.

I've loved, I've lost, I've hated, I've cried, I've made numerous  stupid stupid mistakes, I've trusted and cared for the wrong people, I've become guarded, I let down my walls, I've had my heart on my sleeve and my page for all my adult life. I've smouldered with hurt and frustration and had a health scare or two.

My blog and every form of it is who I am! Who I've become through the tough times, what's made me strong  and has over those 15 years made me who I am today. A few times I've been tempted to stop but you know what? I actually enjoy this and I have made some lovely blog friends along the way.

So whether you be new or old visiting my diary tell me about you, Why do you Blog? What is the main purpose for you being here? How long have you blogged? Have you changed much over that time and what makes you keep coming back?

Please leave a comment and I will be very interested to get to know you all better.

Lots of Love to you all. Mwah xxx

One To Ten

1. Matthew bought home his school report yesterday. Not the one that says how he is in school but the one that rates his performance in his year group. For the levels of his work he is mostly 3A, this is the top end for his year group. For writing it is 3C which is the lowest but he's NOT below his target group of 3. For reading he is 4c. This is the upper expectation of a kid a year older than him or the lower expectation for a kid 2 years older than him. I am so pleased for him with that.
They also have a chart, red line is the low expectancy and blue for the upper. Matthews green line on the charts for Matthews Listening and Speaking, Maths and English are just a little below the highest line. This means that Matthew is in the upper groups with his ability. For writing he is just above the lower line. This has always been an issue but he IS in the guidelines for his year and not being dragged below the acceptable line which is something we are telling him to be proud of. Matthew will NEVER be the best writer with a pen but with the pc he can type very well. As he gets older he will use more tech so it will make life easier on him.

2. I had a meeting with James' teachers this week. They are still concerned about his speech and aspects of his understanding and how he is not doing what the other kids are doing despite him being one of the oldest in the class. They have recommended I take him to our GP so we can get him referred to the local child health center so that if he needs extra help when he goes to reception class he can have it funded so he can have some of the one on one teaching that he gets on well with. James isn't great it in group situations and he doesn't like loud noises so if he can be taught to focus in smaller situations, he will do much better overall. It's just getting him help early enough to benefit him for the first real year or 2 of school life.

3. Liam is .... well... Just Liam. He's a little ray of sunshine, he's growing to be a very confident young man and currently is very much into computer games like his big brothers and Minions from Despicable Me. He LOVES that movie and keeps telling us "My birthday soon, Nar-na toys. Toys R Us." making it very clear he wants minions for his birthday. He calls them "Nar-na's"  as in the mini movie the Minions are chasing a banana. This is the funniest thing in the world for people aged 3 and under so if you haven't shown your kids it, I suggest you Youtube it and watch them giggle.

4. Liam has given up his potty and will use the toilet at home now like he does everywhere else. I think the potty was a comfort thing but he's ready to move on.

5. My weight loss has slowed down but I am noticing the difference.  I have lost 22lbs and I am feeling firmer, I have more energy. My ankles look smaller. I am feeling rather good on the whole.  I have been increasing activity the past couple of weeks but it's not speeding up the weight loss but my muscles seem tighter and stronger. I have the original Just Dance on the Wii and that's great fun. It easily kills 45 minutes when I have chance to have a go.

6. It was 2 years ago today that I started driving lessons. Next week will be 8 months since I passed my test. Still not uber-confident but we have a new car and I feel so much more relaxed in a smaller vehicle. I had my first drive in it on Wednesday to drop Matthew off on a school outing and it felt good to drive. That makes a huge difference.

7. We booked a holiday for when school finishes (ok, hands up, we miss the last 2 days) and I will be driving the 2.5 hours to get there. This will be my biggest journey as yet as I have only really been doing little flits here and there but I want to be more confident.

8. Only 3 more weeks until our holiday and summer holidays commence. That means ONLY 15 DAYS left of school runs until September!

9. I am looking forward to the rest. The last 3 weeks of this school year are filled with appointments and bookings and general keeping busy. I have joined a form of PTA group at the school where a bunch of us parents are trying out new ideas to raise a bit of money for the school and for charity. We've already got an end of term school fete on the last day of term but I won't be able to help out with that as I'm away but when did I become one of those parents? Scary. We have visits at playgroup for a fitness morning for playgroup kids once a week.  We have appointments with our GP, health visitors and speech therapists, parents evenings, PTA meetings, kids parties, helping in nursery and trying to do housework and that's just this week! I'm certainly gonna be a busy bumble bee. Phew.

10. Finally, hubby is getting on well with his new post at work. He's been doing it almost a month now and has settled in well. For the next few weeks he will be shadowing another member of management to help get more of an idea of the role he is doing. This is the next step to management and he is really enjoying it. They have also agreed to a payrise once he has done a little more work and got a little more experience so it's all good.

Not Such Bad Parenting After All

There is another post before this that went up on Tuesday so skip back one if you haven't been up to date with the lesser than rosy side of parenting.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you will know by now that I don't like to dwell on the negative. I love my little horrors to bits and realise that whilst these moments of CRS as I like to call them (Child/ren Related Stress) are hard at the time, they are MAJORLY outweighed by the joy these little darlings bring.

There will always be times you have self doubt as a parent, the secret is not to show it too much in front of others, especially the kids. The morning I wrote the last post I was feeling particularly tearful and a bit weighed down by it all so I thought now is the perfect time to raise my good parenting skills.

On Monday, Liams playgroup had a visitor from the local Childrens Center. They were doing a singing and dancing activity morning and will be doing so for the next 3 weeks. All parents were invited and if not parents then grandparents or child minders could attend. Of 18 children in the playgroup, how many parents do you think attended? One. That was me! I was the only parent who could spare an hour to do something to join in with my little person. In all fairness, some people work, some have younger siblings to take care of (siblings were invited too) and I DID have to dash off halfway through to collect James from nursery but he took part in the second half an hour and loved it. I feel bad for the playgroup. They are a lovely little bunch of people working there but there just isn't the support it needs. Liam is going up to nursery in September for the simple fact is he HAS outgrown it. When they were doing the learning journey parents evening a few weeks back I was the only parent who came in for that too. The way I look at it, is that this may be Early Learning but it's such an important stage for kids. The skills they learn now will be needed for life and I want to be part of that. I can go through the next stage of parenting know I spent the same time and attention on all 3 of my boys when they were in the initial stages of independence.

We're ahead in the system with James and Liam's speech problems. We have an official appointment with Liam at the Speech Therapy Clinic on July 6th and on July 11th we have a Health Visitor coming to the house to talk about their speech and see if they can offer anything new to try. They have both improved so much in recent months but they are both shy at speaking in front of others from time to time. This is James biggest problem. Speaking of which...........

Yesterday  I actually got James to take part in a conversation between me and his teacher! He has NEVER spoken in class to any of the staff and is very quiet among the children. I'm pleased he took part and was able to show her that I'm not just saying that he can talk fine at home. We think it's a confidence thing and we are trying to get to the bottom of whether he is a little nervous, worried or even scared of anyone or anything in his nursery. That's the next step. I have also promised him a reward if he can speak to his teachers for just a couple of minutes every day. He again spoke to the same teacher then engaged in a conversation with his other main teacher today too. I feel we are getting there FINALLY.

Also yesterday, Matthew conquered his fear and hatred of the violin lessons and his whole class did a public performance along with some other schools. I am SO proud of him to give it a go. Unfortunately due to the two younger boys I couldn't attend as it was limited to 1 seat per family due to a small venue and a total of 180 kids taking part so a neighbour took him and her daughter there and bought them back whilst I walked her other daughter to school in Matthews place. I have taught Matthew that sometimes in life, we have to do the things we don't want to. We have to take chances, we have to do things that scare or worry us but we cannot overcome problems without tackling them head on. We can't always avoid things we find unpleasant and have to battle on. In the end I think he quite liked being out of school even if the class performance did only last 15 minutes.

Completing the set, Liam made me proud as well yesterday. He still has a nappy every night at bedtime and that is the only one he has. Sometimes in the afternoons he has a little wee accident when he falls asleep on the sofa. The nap results in a little wet patch. We have been combatting this by laying him on a towel or throw so it can easily go in the washing machine should a spillage occur. However, yesterday Liam woke from his slumber, went to his potty, did a quick wee and swiftly went back to his sofa to continue his sleep. Liam is finally showing signs that he may soon be ready to stop the bedtime nappy. He has never woken up ready for a wee before so this once again is progress.

Liam has been making me laugh this week too. He has been accentuating his feelings. In the middle of a dramatic cry he's been wailing "I'm Crying. Liam is crying!" which is funny in itself. Then on Sunday, the ice cream van came up. Daddy went out to get everyone an ice cream and Liam was so excited. Hopping, bouncing and galloping in excitement around the living room Liam is rejoicing "I'm Dancing. I'm Dancing for Ice Cream Mummy. I so excited I'm dancing." Bless him. He really is funny.
I had a couple of down days but feel like I am back to winning the battles again.

Finally, tomorrow I am going to do something I said I would never do. I am going to be one of "THOSE" parents. That's right, I've signed up for the PTA (Parents and Teachers Association) so I can go along to meetings and discuss ideas for school funding, the swimming pool, school disco's and the such. WHEN did I become like that? It must be something about the whole village life idea. I also have 8 more years of the boys attending that school in one capacity or another so I am in for the long haul. I do have a little idea myself. Matthew is really into his drama and arts so I am going to ask if they could possibly start up a drama group or after school choir to do a summer performance. The Christmas performance always does well so why not do another one at the end of the school year if there were the kids that want to do it?  We could do it to raise money for the school. Say £1 per ticket to watch, a raffle and refreshments available to buy so that the school can get a little something out of it.

Well, that's my idea anyway.

The Summons In Short

Whilst it is incredibly clear that having kids can be the absolute best thing to happen in life, we tend to glaze over the bad days and ignore the fact that often, having kids and being a parent is the most stressful job in the world. Most of the time you get no praise, no thank you's and no pay for your time and effort.

Once school age, you hear more about your childrens problems and failings over what they are actually good at and can do and at times, it can really leave you questioning your parenting style and feeling like something of a failure.

The meeting with Matthews teacher and headteacher last week didn't go quite as planned. I was under the impression that we were going in to talk about Matthews temper and general behaviour. I didn't expect halfway through the meeting to be told that Matthew is very down on himself in school, has low self esteem in class and has told friends he'd be better off dead and he wants to die. This was all complete news to me and sounds the polar opposite of the bouncy cheerful football mad boy we see at home. Matthew is the last kid I would say has confidence issues but upon talking about the matter, he feels that he isn't good at his school work, he finds it a struggle and seems to work better with one on one teaching as he focusses better. This year they have been learning to play the violin. Matthew HATES it and he says he feels useless with it and that the teacher always seems to tell him off and no-one else. She is a music teacher bought in from outside but with his own teachers present, they say the problem is the focus. Matthew doesn't like it so he doesn't try quite so hard. He is not being picked out singularly but Matthew seems to think the world is against him. He is not enjoying football like he used to because of the same issues. If he makes a mistake he says the other kids are hard on him and upset him, again making him feel worthless and fed up that he can't enjoy his favourite thing when in school.

All the issues both Matthew and his teachers mentioned were WITHIN school. They don't see him out of school and I explained that Matthew was alot calmer since he changed his diet and that maybe because he was having less sugar, he didn't feel so confident and happy as he is no longer this hyperactive boy that he once was.

Regarding the "wanting to die" remarks, we've put that down to attention. It sounds wrong but Matthew knows how to get a reaction when he tries to shock people. If he's feeling a bit down at school he normally comes home as the perfectly normal Matthew that I know and love. It came as a big shock to hear he was so unhappy in school.

Matthew is still as dis-organised as ever and is feeling a bit left behind the other kids as he feels he can't keep up and he doesn't have many friends in his class.

I am so much wanting to help him but as the issues are in school and I feel should be tackled a little better and harder by his teachers, I feel so helpless in how I can help him defeat this problem. He IS happy at home and we've even given him a little makeover this weekend complete with new hair, uniform and some body spray so at least we KNOW he is going into school happy and confident to start the day.

Depression runs in my family and his dad was known for swinging from one mood to another so it could be hereditary. It wasn't that long back my cousin tried to commit suicide. I've never talked about it in front of Matthew however, my nan doesn't seem to think about what she says in front of the kids and she hasn't been happy for a while. She still goes on about how it would have been better if she went instead of my grandad and how she feels it would be better if she just went to bed one night and didn't wake up. She has been very low of late and does say she wants to die. THIS is where I feel Matthews problems are stemming from. I don't want to stop visiting my nan and I don't know how to approach this subject with her when she is already feeling down and I don't want to look like I am directly accusing her of inappropriate dialect in the presence of Matthew as I don't want to make her take on a feeling of guilt on top of everything else. Yet I can't let Matthew be subjected to this if it's what is causing the problems. We've decided to stop his sleepovers there now as a precaution. She loves having him, he loves staying but we don't know what is said when we aren't there. We already know he stays up late there and she lets him watch tv that we class as inappropriate for his age and mental maturity so we haven't told her or Matthew that sleepovers are no longer allowed, we will just find excuses why he can't for a while.

In other news, James and Liam are both still behind on their speech. James more so than Liam. James doesn't like talking, he doesn't like loud noises. James also tends to whine and whisper so we are being referred to the schools health visitor to try and help. Again, his confidence is low when it comes to speaking and he doesn't like being put on the spot and being under pressure when asked questions he needs to respond to verbally.

Liam is getting better by the week, his words are loud and clear but he still doesn't talk in clear sentences. He prefers to skip words and say his own thing which is my Liam 100%. We're due another meeting with the speech therapist as I have the letter to make an appointment.

I feel like I am under permanent surveillance with the kids at the moment and that no matter what I do people are looking upon me as a bad mother for not getting these issues fixed.

I know that probably most parents have at least one issue with every child they have but it just all seems to be all 3 happening at once and I feel like I am a bit of a failure for not being able to get them to progress like the school wants them to. They all have individual time with me, they all get family group time and beyond that I don't know what else I can physically do and fear that the school don't realise just how hard we do try as a family.

I know kids will all progress and do things at different times but I do feel like I am under a lot of scrutiny at the moment as to how I perform as a mum. Of course, I don't let the kids (or the husband) see my insecurities and that's why I am writing this post now.

Hopefully, it's just a bad month and if not better by next month, then we can all start fresh and breezy for the new school year in September.

Uh-Oh, My First Head Teacher Summons

I thought I would regain a little femininity in my life for sporting a pink blog for a change.

The kids are doing well at school although hubby and I do have to see Matthews head teacher on Friday due to an "incident" at the school on Friday at lunchtime. Matthew basically lost his temper during football (he is very passionate with his sport) and had a little meltdown. He was being pushed about by some bigger kids as he made a mistake and in short, he lost control, stormed off, tried to kick out at the ground but accidentally hurt one of his best friends as he lashed out. It then took a while to be calmed down. When he had calmed down, he said he was under too much stress at home and how hubby makes too many demands on him and that his room has to be spotless and that we are too hard on him.

I know we are hard on the kids at times but Matthew has been particularly over dramatic with it. Matthew does lose his temper occasionally and when he does it isn't pretty. He's damaged his bedroom wall, he's broke some floorboards in his room and he has smashed and damaged all sorts when he has not got his own way about something. I've learnt to deal with Matthews outbursts and until now, I thought it was just something he did at home.

This was until his headteacher said "Matthew's had another one of his outbursts" This is obviously not the first time it has happened and I am a little annoyed that it's not been bought up with us before.I am in the school TWICE a day, sometimes three times a day. I am in there for 3 hours on a Thursday and there are oppertunities for his teachers to ask for a quick quiet word. Yet, this is the first I have heard of it.

Matthews behaviour is nowhere near as bad as it used to be but the violent outbursts are a worry. We don't want him to be in endless trouble at school. Going back to being tough with Matthew, it's the approach we find works best with him. Matthew needs structure, he needs targets. He has quite a competitive personality that means he is more than happy to take on a challenge. However, Matthew is also a bit of a bad loser and when the challenge fails he becomes a bad sport and his frustrations boil over in different ways creating issues such as this.

I love this little boy to bits, I want to help him. I don't want him to be labelled the "bad" or "violent" kid and I know he has half his fathers DNA - that's the bit the scares me. We've learnt how to help and keep things under control at home and I feel bad that Matthew is under such close surveilence sometimes but it's my way of protecting him.

As for hubby demanding too much of him, well, I feel that someone was after a little sympathy to dig himself out of a hole. Regarding the bedroom tidyness, we have offered pocket money for keeping his room tidy - He doesn't always keep it clean but often still gets the rewards in one way or another, even if he doesn't see it that way. Both my own and hubby's definition of clean room is to not hide everything under the bed and for the floor to be clear enough for me to hoover his room every week. We don't ask for that much but Matthew seems to think that's unfair.

We have had some unfortunate situations where Matthew has had too much mess around and has accidentally broken his 3DS by standing on it and leaving the stylus imprinted into the 3D screen. He has limited room so we have 3 boxes for him to keep his bits in. One for Lego and two for odds and ends. He has two bookshelves. One is mostly for books and projects he wants to do. The other homes a tv, dvd player and Wii on the top and he keeps his prized possessions over there too.

Today hubby and Matthew have gone off to Ikea to buy him a new high sleeper bed. Just like so:

 

He will have far more space to work with and over time the back and side supports can be fitted with a desk style shelf and a smaller shelving unit above to cover his school work and I am sure in time, there will probably be a computer of sorts to do the schoolwork with. Just like so: 

There is also option 3 where a sofabed could be placed underneath for sleepovers but Matthew doesn't really have friends round that often and those who do live a stones throw away and it would be a bit of a waste as he won't see his tv that well from there.

So that's my little boy growing up more than ever. 

I hope the head teacher meeting goes well and that this is just a little blip as on the whole he is being a really good, sensible lad lately but they all have the odd time where things aren't so great. This ironically was the same day he was awarded with a certificate for achieving 50 Merits for good work and behaviour in school and for being star of the week in his class so I know he does do well in general but this was just awful timing on an otherwise highly praisable week for him.

A Different Type of Milestone

I often praise my kids and record milestones with them, however, this post is about the other end of the scale.

Yesterday we had a big family meal as a surprise for my nan as she celebrated her 80th birthday.

She does well really, she's doing good with mobility, she's had alot of illness and recovery in her life and she is on a number of pills for life but the main thing is she is here.

She survived breast cancer about 25 years ago. She then developed ovarian cancer 10 years later. She's had her gall bladder removed. She has chronic IBS but she gets on with life as best as she can.

The last two years have been much harder on her since we lost my grandad but she is a fighter who just refuses to give up.

I have always been close to my nan and over the years many things have changed but that hasn't. I do admit and I am ashamed to admit it that sometimes though, the woman drives me mad. I guess that's love for ya. As she is getting older she does find things harder but refuses to listen to anyone else. Or if she does, she gets the opinions of 6 people and finds it ever more confusing when people have different ideas. She doesn't seem to listen much either.

I guess the same could be said of all elderly people to an extent but we are all so proud of her and how she is getting on by herself.

Yesterdays meal out was not a complete surprise, she knew she was going out for dinner with my mum, dad and brother. We took her a present and card round yesterday afternoon but made the excuse we had to leave as we were seeing friends later that night. I bought her a metal jug filled with fake lilacs. She has a big lilac bush in her garden that I have always loved since I was a child so it seemed fitting for a big birthday. My Uncle, Aunt and two cousins also came. One bought his girlfriend so when she arrived at the pub with my mum, dad and brother she was surprised to find a table with the rest of us there. There were 14 of us in total and we had a lovely evening.

I even made the birthday cake.

I actually wish I had taken photo's of the cake at home as this doesn't do it justice at all. It came out amazingly well. Inside is a Victoria Sponge with a strawberry jam filling. To make it a little more special I added a tin of strawberries to the jam. That added a little more "wetness" to keep the cake moist and alot more flavour and texture to the filling. The topping is a basic buttercream with a little strawberry syrup from the tin and coated with freeze dried strawberry pieces.

It tasted perfect. My nan loves her strawberries and her cakes so I think I got it right on this occasion.

The meal was lovely and the kids enjoyed themselves. Matthew went back to my nans for a sleepover and we got the little fellas back shortly after 10pm. They fell asleep in the car on the way back as they were so tired but they did great staying up and eating so late.

We've had a great start to the holidays with days out to local places and even a trip to the seaside so far but we're now waiting for the weather to pick up again before we do anything too exciting.

Today we are having our bedroom wall insulated so maybe by the weekend we will have a nice newly decorated bedroom. It was nice before but I want a complete change so we may go from this:

To probably something much more relaxing and serene like a duck egg blue but I feel there is enough blue in the house. I want something relaxing and not too boring.