One More Day Of School Thank God

This week I have had enough!

I'm so glad it's the last day tomorrow then the holidays because if I don't get a break from that school soon, I swear I will have some form of meltdown and upset a lot of people.

I am so damn frustrated and annoyed.

I thought that teachers finish telling you what to do when you left school. I didn't think that they carried on doing it to adults and parents alike.

I am at the end of my patience and fit to burst.

I like the way that the school does treat kids as individuals, I just wish they could do the same for parents.

To stop treating every parent like they are an only child family. To take into account you have other kids that you are responsible and that sometimes they need attention too.

James has been given an appointment at the Child Development Centre that we've waited 3 months for. We were given very strict instructions that no other children were allowed, that they had no childcare facilities and it HAD to be a parent and James alone. So, we get the appointment for 9am January 3rd!! Slap bang in the middle of the school holidays when everyone I know who could possibly look after the big 2 are back at work. Hubby has no holiday left. My family all live half an hour away, work and would have to be at mine for 8am for me to get there in time.

Being honest and telling the school I have to reschedule it, I'm the big bad guy for not attending that appointment as they are so hard to come by!

I'm sorry, but instead of having a go at me for it being the most inconvenient time EVER maybe the people at these centres should look into family graphics before making pathetic appointments.

This is the last in a long list of "you should do this, you should do that" from the school regarding each child. All of which I've done. It just never feels enough.

The school just seems to make me feel and more of a failure despite doing everything I am advised. It's getting beyond a joke. 

I've even given up being a volunteer as I just feel so bloody useless! What hope have other kids got with me helping them if I can't help my own.

I am just feeling dragged down and the teachers are so bloody patronising repeatedly telling me this appointment will help him etc and ya know, I SO want to help, I want this to be over, I want to get this done, I don't want the same shit different day crap for the next year or two, I just want to get it all done. The waiting is frustrating but so are the impossible to keep appointments as no-one has the brain cells to realise that it's probably not a good idea to give people appointments when there's other kids off school. They are obviously back after new year so why do they feel that no-one else may be?

I could just scream sometimes.

Of course, I know the teachers are just trying to help but at times like this, they really aren't helping at all.

Operation Christmas.

Nearly a month has past since my last post. It's just all so chaotic these days.  I knew life with 3 kids would be busy but never this CRAZY!

I've managed to get all our Christmas shopping done. We still have great grandparents wanting us to get gifts the for the kids and tell them how much they owe us. We might actually give them the cash after Christmas so they can buy something they want themselves as we're running out of ideas.

So, forgetting last week here's the diary:

Mon 9th December: James nativity play. His first one. He was the cutest little sheep ever!

Tues 10th December: Must dye my hair. Looks and feels a mess. Need it ready for next weekend!

Wed 11th December: My mum and nan are visiting and having lunch with myself and Liam before going off to see the nativity themselves.

Fri 13th December: We are going to take the kids to Butlins for Christmas again. We were very undecided on whether to go or not this year but decided since we've realistically only got up to 3 or 4 years of Santa being magical - We have to do these things whilst the kids are still little.

Sun 15th December: Return home

Mon 16th December: Matthew has no school play this year so is up at the Village Church to do a Christmas service. Not really sure how it will turn out but I hear there is a Christmas Rap and Matthew and some of his friends are beatboxing!?! Whatever happened to traditional carols?

Tues 17th December: Getting a beauty treatment. Oooooh!! Getting my brows done professionally. Tint, wax and shaped. Never had it done so excited. This is swiftly followed by Liams little nursery Christmas sing song service.

Wed 18th December: Last day to meet up with bestie. We're off for a cuppa something nice somewhere nice and maybe lunch out to celebrate the end of the year. It's also School Christmas Dinner day so Liam is staying for lunch club!

Thurs 19th December: Christmas parties day at school! I've volunteered to help out with the nursery.

Fri 20th December: Last day of school. Liam in lunch club second time this week. My haircut at 1pm.

Sat 21st December: Collapse and fall asleep until Christmas eve! Nope, Christmas party!!! Woop woop.
Can't wait. I have my dress, boots and all beauty things will be complete. Sorta the Cinderella of the Village this year. Visit the local farmers market in the morning for Christmas local Vegetables.

Sun 22nd December: Rest away any hangover feelings.

Mon 23rd December: I think this is actually a free day BUT will most likely be the day we do the Christmas food shop after leaving the kids with a responsible adult family member to reduce the stress. Defrost turkey.

Tues 24th December: Christmas eve. Make Santa fresh mince pies, make sure reindeer have carrots. Sort out tv planner over festive days. Hope I remembered to take turkey out on Monday. Hopefully all presents will be in the right homes. No idea when or how we are gonna distribute presents this year.

Weds 25th December: Christmas Day.

Thurs 26th December: Family over for boxing day tea, play games in the evening.

Sat 28th December: Christmas dinner at my father in law's. We've never been invited before so this will be a new experience. I've heard he's a very good cook!

Tues 31st December: New Years Party with the local Indian Restaurant gang. Hope I can still fit in my dress!
Wed 1st January: It'll be frigging January in no time!!!

Happy Christmas and Happy New Year just in case I don't get to post again in a hurry, xxxx

I Bought A Party Dress.

I like my colours, I LOVE patterns but I seem to live in jeans and a top. Sometimes, I wear joggies and a top but my style is pretty much tomboy with a touch of pink and flowers.

However, as party season is drawing near, I felt a change from the same old same old.

I have bought myself a dress for Christmas. It is completely different to anything I own and the weight loss is bringing out a new form of confidence so I have actually bought my first ever SHORT dress.

I tried it on in a shop yesterday and it chose me rather than I chose it. On the hanger I wasn't too convinced but it fit perfectly and looked beautiful on. It felt a good quality. It fitted to my good bits giving me good shape and flared out over my hips and bottom just where I needed it to.

Due to me not being of model height, the  dress ends at my knee and I will be having knee high boots with it as I venture out to a Christmas meal and disco and the same for new year. I also treated myself to a heart necklace and black rose corsage to finish off the look.

Apart from my wedding dress, hubby has never really seen me done up all glam and ready to party in style. Yes, I do want to impress him and want him proud of me.

I will be posting photo's of said nights out so watch this space.

Ouch

Todays headlines are as follows.

1) Hubby's grandad is out of hospital and doing well again. He has lots of pills so we are hoping he doesn't have another bad side effect like last time. He came out on Tuesday but went back on Wednesday due to his medication making his blood pressure too low.

2) Hubby had a little slip on the stairs yesterday. Bruised bum, scraped thigh. Nothing too serious.

3) Hubby's step-mum had a fall on Thursday, She's not old but had a trip whilst shopping, put her arm out to balance herself and ended up with a broken shoulder.

4) I crashed the car. Yep, me, big bad me. Accidentally touched the accelerator rather than the brake and hit a stationary car in a supermarket car park. Minimal damage to my car but a bump and 2 nice lines down the back passenger seat of other car. No-one was about for the car and after 20 minutes I left the car park as I had to collect Liam for school. Fear not dearest readers, I do actually have a conscience and have sent my details off to the supermarket in case anyone wants to claim on insurance. I also phoned the police as I know it's a crime to "hit and run" though I personally don't think waiting 20 minutes for someone to come out is exactly running away from the scene of a crime. Anyway, I don't the rules of car parks and prosecution nor do I know if there were security cameras or witnesses so I've covered my arse so to speak. If I get fined and points on my license I deserve it. I was entirely at fault and fucked up. End of. I was so cool and collected it was unbelievable. Even owning up to the police was fine. I work TOO well under pressure, maybe I should become a spy...... Anyway, that was Friday. I couldn't hide the damage so I told hubby someone else hit me and didn't stop. I was generally feeling very down and upset with myself. We had to fix part of the bumper back on and there was a little paint damage but on the whole all was fine. I eventually told him the truth this morning. He was cool with it.  Told me that car parks often work on different laws as private land and that I could have probably gone immediately and not owned up without any repercussions. However, I am an honest person and I know how I would have felt if that was my vehicle so I owned up. I didn't sleep hardly at all that night through feelings of guilt and paranoia of police turning up etc. My conscience is too huge.

5) Liams school application is in. I submitted it all online and got an email back instantly to say my admissions application had been received.

6) I have now lost 33lbs with Weight Watchers this year. I want to lose 9 more by Christmas and new year so I can say I've lost 3 stone this year.

7) My kids (the little ones) have learnt how to play movies through the tv.

8) It's only 6 more weeks until the schools finish for Christmas. That's CRAZY! Where has 2013 gone? Not that I'm particularly gonna miss it. It's been a bit of a forgettable year.

9) Hubby and I are going out for dinner by ourselves tonight. I think I deserve that large glass of wine that I have my mind set on. No idea what to eat, but boy, do I need wine.

10) Happy Week ahead to one and all.

Five

On Friday, the youngest member of the T family turned 2 years old. Here he is with his proud birthday sharing cousin a few days before he turned 5.

Time goes so fast when you have kids. You get through each week. Each weekend. Each half term, each term. Each major holiday. Each birthday. Each anniversary. Each festive celebration. As humans we always seem to be looking ahead to the next event and before you know it you have kids that are growing up at such a surprising rate.

Not just dealing with the fact that my middle baby has turned 5, today I received the official paperwork for Liam to attend full time school in September next year. Oh. My. God. This really is getting real that within a year I will be semi redundant. I will only be doing the school run TWICE a day for the next 5 years and then I will have three secondary school children.

Speaking of the youngest little man, he was sent home from school today after bumping his head at nursery this morning. It resulted in a little cut on his scalp and a bit of a bump but he seems happy enough in himself. He came home, promptly ate two jam doughnuts, helped himself to some biscuits asked for squash and perched himself in front of the tv. After a couple of hours he had a nap but woke up to find that I had switched channels as he slept and kicked up a fuss over it. This HUGELY suggests that Liam is in fact completely normal despite the bump to the head.

Hubbys grandad was released from hospital yesterday. However, a phonecall from his nan in the last hour has said he's not doing well at home and is going to be admitted back in. She was waiting for the ambulance but didn't tell me much more than that. So now we just wait again to see what happens and what the problem is this time. For now we just have to hope for the best for him.

This Unlucky 13 Year Is Beginning To Grate

They say "Thirteen" is an unlucky number and the past few weeks really have been a mixture of highs and lows though it tends to be the lows that have the most impact.

This week the kids have been off school. I've learned of a new pregnancy and a loss. We've celebrated birthdays, we've also had worrying news.

There appears to be something for our T family about the early hours of November 1st.

Early November 1st 2008, James was born into the world.
Early November 1st 2011, Nelson his little cousin arrived.
Early November 1st 2013, Hubby's Grandad was rushed into hospital suffering from a heart attack.

He's doing ok. Family are all a little shocked but he's being kept in for observation over the weekend.

He's around 90, he does well for his age but he's feeling the strain a bit.

The years always seem to follow a them, this year, certainly the latter part of the year seems to revolve around the delicate subject of mortality. From my cousins suicide attempt, to my friends ruptured ectopic and now grandads health, it's all incredibly real that none of us are infallible, invincible and none of us know what the future holds.

I don't often look forward to new year but this year has been emotionally and mentally tiring!

Speaking of which, I am doing something VERY different this new year. I am actually going out for new year!

This will be the first time in at least eleven years that I have had the opportunity to do so. Ten new years eve's ago I was days away from giving birth to my oldest son so it was the year before that or possibly the year before that when I last celebrated the change of the year.

This year hubby and I will be going to the village hall which has been taken over by our friends at the Indian Takeaway who are putting on a Bollywood night. Complete with food and entertainment, this will be a very different night and I am incredibly looking forward to it. I might even, get this... wear..... a.... dress..... I have my eye on a couple of dresses I like but I want to try them on. I LOVE one dress but it looks a little short. My legs aren't designed for the above the knee cut dresses but I'll give it a go if I can try on and it looks good. There's the Christmas meal a couple of weeks before so the dress will get two outings over the festivities, so I just need to choose wisely then I have the dilemma of shoes! I want stylish, ideally heels but I want to be able to dance (and walk) in them. Now that IS a challenge!

So that's it, trying to look forward to things as current times have been a little up and down but James had a lovely birthday despite the fact we were worried about Grandad, getting lots of Disney Infinity Figures, having fish and chips, chicken nuggets, and cake for his birthday dinner.

VERY Very Quickly

A few days back I wrote about my friend who suffered a life threatening ectopic. Things were really touch and go at the start of the month and everyone was just really relieved she lived to tell the tale.
The whole scenario really left me upset and I am now over it but still an emotional little being.

Today however, I heard the BEST news ever.

Today, she tells me she is 11 weeks pregnant!

Talk about shellshocked!

I am completely overwhelmed for them and so so excited for the little family.

It turns out, she was expecting non identical twins. One baby made it to the womb, the other didn't.

I'm so so overjoyed right now I cannot put into words.

Congratulations to Family R.

Hmmmmm

So, where to begin. October has not been the best of months. I don't believe in dwelling on the bad things in life so I tend to leave them behind rather than have crazy emotionally messed up posts all over the place.

This has been a hugely emotional month.

Mostly relating to babies.

This month has already seen 3 births with another overdue friend set for induction tomorrow. I've heard of two new pregnancies this month and I do get full of excitement and emotion for these people.

Nothing could have prepared me for the shocking event that happened 3 weeks ago though.

Another friend, a mother to 2 little boys and a little girl aged between 5 and 18months found out she was expecting her fourth baby in spectacular fashion. Collapsing in the bathroom covered in sweat with abdominal pains. It turned out to be a ruptured ectopic. She hadn't even suspected she was pregnant. Emergency surgery. Lost 7 out of 8 pints of blood and was told she was about 10 minutes from death if the ambulance hadn't reached her as quick as it did. I spent a good week VERY upset about this. She is a good friend, her oldest is just a couple of months older than James, her daughter is in Liams nursery and with a baby, the thought of them all losing their mum has been heartbreaking and has really made me take stock of the world a little.

Hubby received another promotion. Days later, half of his previous workforce were sacked due to misconduct and neglectful work. Hubby knew this a few days beforehand as he now counts as middle management and it upset him alot too knowing that families were going to be having difficulties. Although it's only down to their personal performance at work and not being able to do a dangerous and important job properly, it still comes as a blow to those relying on that work for money.

Both of these just really make you think that you don't appreciate what you have in life sometimes.

Job security and Health are things we all too often take for granted. We get on with our day to day lives and every day someone is having some form of life trauma and we don't always see it.

October was certainly a month of tears for me as I turned all that stress and worry to a new world of appreciation. It made me think that "This is how it must feel if I was ever pregnant with a girl!"

Already feeling broody with the babies being born and my friends miscarriage it made me think that although I am not planning on any more babies myself, I've become very aware that my biological clock is ticking. I don't want any more children but there's something about the thought of not having any more that I find upsetting. I LOVED being pregnant and I loved having babies, they just don't stay that way forever. I am back to being happy with the 3 boys and stopping all those "If we just had one more....." thoughts that were running through my overactive female over-ruling ovary brain for the first half of the month. My friend was 40 in August, by no means old for a 4th pregnancy but it goes to show that things do get riskier as we get older and this baby she didn't know about could have cost her her life. Thankfully, she is now back to her normal old self and coping well.

This week we had all the parents evenings. The boys are all doing well on the whole. I didn't learn anything new. Liam is happy in nursery, working hard, playing hard, making friends and enjoying his little world. His speech needs work. His teacher offered to get us both into a makaton sign language course so I can help him communicate more and if I am planning to help out in the school it will help with other kids too. Sounds a winner to me. James is settling into full time school well, He is growing in confidence. Has a good level of understanding and enjoys his day. He is making more friends and is always happy. Matthew is working hard but needs to work on his focus and handwriting. We were also given all the leaflets and talks for the next stage of education. As he is now in year 5, we are thinking ahead to year 7 when he will go up to secondary school. (SECONDARY SCHOOL - BIG SCHOOL - FOR TEENAGERS - WITH COLLEGE AND EVERYTHING AGGGGHHHHH!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FIRST BABY?!) Realistically by the end of the year he should have a good idea on what school he wants to go to, there is a choice of 3 local schools and I think we are agreed on which one will be best for him (It's the nearest one). All schools require school busses and a new level of maturity and independence. It's scary!

One of his teachers seems to think he is depressed again due to a bad day he had at school this week. His anger issues are a worry but he seems fine at home. He is calmer and quieter than he used to be and there are still the odd days he is a little monkey but I DO think it's just him changing as he grows up. I see a happy fun loving boy who does get himself into trouble due to his temper occassionally (He's a boy!) and as he grows up he's discovering that he is more powerful and he will argue his case, his attitude sucks at times but I swear Matthew has got the "teenage bug" a few years early. The boy is 9 going on 16! So for now, I don't see a second "bad day" of anger and feeling down since July is enough to get him sent to the GP with the schools worry of clinical depression. I will be keeping an eye on it but Matthew is a changeable boy by the day and like I said we are at that "Tween-ager" stage. He's not a little boy anymore, yet he's not a teenager or adult enough just yet. So I EXPECT him to change and discover new emotions, mental and bodily changes. He's getting to that age range where this sort of behaviour is rather normal so I have no real concerns where I think it is a long running issue.Yes, there are issues of depression in the family so I will keep an eye on it all but I do think Matthew knows how to play a situation to his advantage quite often.

Well, I think that's pretty much everything that I haven't reported up until now because everything was just getting to me. I've also had a bad cold and headaches (possibly stress related) for most of the month but I look forward to the new month.

This week is half term so I at least get a bit of a rest and tomorrow we are expected a big muther of a storm complete with Hurricanes, flooding, structural damage, fallen trees etc, You name it. We'll soon see if it lives up to the hype. My nan is terrified but I am rather excited by it. I will certainly be staying indoors and wishing friends and family, especially hubby, well on their journeys and days at work.