Lyrics of The Week

Real update coming soon but today I heard a song I love and the little things you never notice suddenly seem to jump out at you. 

"Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is a prize"

Aloe Blacc

Sometimes, we just need to enjoy the present and have  a little perspective when so much is going on in the world. Good and bad times fall upon us all, but you know, we only get one go at this life. We need to play it to have a chance of winning.

So, whilst I'm sure we all know the Avicii version and whilst Avicii is my favourite dance act in recent years, I think this version is that little bit more soulful and me!

Turn it up and have a happy Thursday!

On We Go

Welcome to May, this year is zooming by.

All seems to be ok in the T residence as we just flit from appointment to appointment running back and forth for different things.

Hubby's diabetes is stable. His levels haven't changed for 2 years but the hospital still want him to bring his blood glucose levels below 7. He has been stalling at 7.5 which is still rather good but not in the hospital guidelines so a slight change of pattern is needed. He now injects insulin before meals and in different places to where he used to. He goes back in 3 months for a review.

Matthew is still struggling a little at school with organisation and concentration. I spent an hour in a meeting the other day and I am still no clearer on the next move with helping him. Matthew is a complex little character who does great for so long then he drops behind again and has to work hard at things again. It does all seem a bit pointless at times, THIS is what Matthew is and they seem to be trying to make him into someone and something else. The school "interest" just knocks his confidence more as he feels he can't live up to their expectations.

In a little over 2 weeks time, Matthew is off on a residential camping trip with the school for 4 nights. They are away Monday to Friday and he is so excited. We have his sleeping bag, ground sheet, torch etc. It's just a case of getting together all the clothes and wash bag. He can't wait to go.

James is doing ok. Coming up this week we see the occupational therapist. Someone who may be able to help him with making mundane jobs easier. Doing up buttons etc. He has come on so much in recent weeks and as much as I do admit I think we are making progress by these appointments, I also fear that it may be damaging his education. He is losing a day a month easily to get to these appointments. On Monday he had a 50mile round trip to a speech and language assessment meaning he missed all the afternoon then, and this OT appointment is at 12 so he could go to school for 2 hours and get back for the last hour. I keep telling myself it will benefit him but it feels like a waste of a day. His speech was doing ok, his understanding and reasoning perfect and quite above levels for his age. The lady said he was very forward and was held back a little by confidence of getting answers wrong and he doesn't like being noticed in a large crowd. He'd rather blend in. She also said the same thing I have been saying for months, part of his lisp and unclear wording comes from his missing tooth that is lodged in his gum due to an accident as a toddler. He cannot make the "Ffffff" noise as he can't do the bunny rabbit teeth they advise to learn it as he cannot push his tongue behind the teeth so it comes out "Sssssss" and the same with his "J" it comes out "Z" as his tongue doesn't quite reach that point it needs to. Overall, they aren't too concerned but are now in the process of getting him speech support within school.  SUCCESS! Still lots more to work on but that's one thing we won't have to travel to disrupting his learning.

Liam has now completed 2 weeks of one on one speech therapy. He is thriving on it. He loves the singular attention and is working on his "Ppppp" sounds to start. He is also being encouraged to use more words like "Is" "Was" etc as he tends to shorten his sentences. For example looking at pictures he'll describe one as "He clapping his hands" The speech therapist, school and I are working together to get the full description of "The boy is clapping his hands" just to make that sentence clear and complete. He's doing well.

On Tuesday he is off on his first official school trip. The nursery class are off to a local farm for the day. It's a slightly extended day lasting until 1pm instead of the usual 11.45am collection. He'll love it. He's always loved his animals. So with my boys all at school until later on Tuesday it's mums day in town to get her hair cut, do a little girly shopping, get Matthew his little bag for camping with all the male grooming bits he'll need. The shower gel, toothpaste, toothbrush, deodrant, maybe even a little hair gel for his disco night. Then I'm going to shamelessly buy myself a magazine and have a lazy half hour with a decent coffee in one of the town coffee shops and just enjoy a bit of solo time. Blissful. :)

Weight Loss Catchup.

I don't often post pictures of myself here but this an inspiration post for me to check back on every now and then.

This week I marked one year of rejoining Weight Watchers, I won't reveal my true weight on here but this was me on Wednesday when I marked my 1 year anniversary and had that day reached a grand total of 47.5lbs loss.

This is Easter weekend, I am on a mission to lose that 2.5lbs this week to reach my 50lb goal.

I do have the odd picture of me here and there but mostly upper body shots.

I am not as round as I was, I have a waist and a block of torso. I have always had the big hips and bum and here I am in clingy clothing as it's my exercise gear and I wanted to see the definition. I plan to do one of these posts every stone I lose from here on.

I still have far far to go but right now I am feeling good and full of optimism.

Oh sod it, since I'm feeling a bit vain and pleased with myself, here's a selfie of me in my favourite jeans (now loose) and a nice red t shirt. It's the best I can get with a mirror shot.

And just to recap, this is the photo that started it all.  I may be hiding at the back but I am ma-hoo-sive in this photo and ready to change, it just took another year to be brave enough to do it.

Reflection

Every now and then, I am just in awe of this world.

As much as you hope for good things, it sometimes just dawns on you that you are incredibly lucky.

If someone had told me 10 years ago, I'd be happily married with 3 kids living in the country side I would have laughed.

Actually, no, I wouldn't have laughed. I'd have burst into tears and thought how the fuck could that be possible when I feel so desperate and alone in the world.

I was no good to myself or any of those around me.

Firstly because I was married to my ex at the time. I couldn't imagine us having a long future. 

Secondly as this was close to the time we first properly separated just 6 months after we married. I think this was part of the "working it out" phase.

Thirdly because I was far from happy. I had my baby boy, he was all that mattered but the two options in front of me at that time were a real case of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Misery of being a single parent looked likely but the thought of continuing an emotionally battering, controlling marriage wasn't any better an option. Whatever I did, I felt damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

10 years ago life was a struggle.

10 years ago I was more lost than ever.

So to have found the strength to get away from an "abusive" relationship, to have taken a big step into the crazy world out there just over a year later was a revelation.

A revelation that life can be as good as you want it to be.

You just have to be brave to make that step.

Moving on was hard, rediscovering myself was exciting and stressful at the same time. But I kept strong, kept my head held high and was happy for the first time in a long long time.

Then I met hubby and it all snowballed in a happy way I'd never felt before.

Things have been settled for 4 years in our little country home, my husband works hard, looks after us all and our 3 sons are beautiful and overall we are all fit and healthy.

THIS is all what matters in life.

Some people would not be happy with the genteelness of Happy Ever After, they have to create their own dramas, they don't feel secure, they don't feel happy with what they have. Some people have to have all the drama and that isn't me.

I'd much rather blend into society, put my family first and let life roll by around me.

I think I've found my Inner Peace.

Hello April

1) We have just finished school for Easter.
2) The kids took part in a Church Service for Easter, Matthew did a reading and they all sang the songs. It was much better than I expected it to be.
3) The walk to the Church was lovely. I collected Liam from lunch club and then we walked up assisting the Reception class. They were brilliantly behaved and we all enojoyed the walk.
4) Now home my phone pedometer has recorded 14, 732 steps, 10.2km covered in 2hours 29minutes.
5) I'm enjoying a coffee and rest.
6) Not heard anything about hubby's blood tests. Assuming no news is good news.
7) Hubby had an eye test this week. He needs glasses for driving, just like me.
8) Liam has appointments for his speech therapy.
9) Last Sunday the clocks went forward. The kids have coped well. I'm coping better. They now get up at 6.30 not 5.30am.
10) Sunday was also Mothers Day. We didn't do much special  Hubby was working so it was just me and the kids. They got me a massive card and a new Wii game. I love it.
11) Hubby is getting on well with the new shifts. They are 7am-7pm Mon, Tue, Sat, Sun one week. Then Wednes, Thurs Fri, the next. If he's off one day, he'll be working that day the following week and vice versa. It's working well.
12) The kids are getting so grown up.
13) Liam especially. This was his last Church service as a spectator. Next one will be Christmas and he'll be taking part in his little school uniform.
14) James is a smart little cookie these days. He's getting sneaky.
15) Matthews teacher stopped me at the end of his performance and congratulated him on how well he is behaving lately. We have made so much progress in the last year and Matthew deserves to be commended for it.
16) Matthew is currently into The Wimpy Kids books.
17) I have 8 books out from the library for myself and cannot decide which one I want to read most!
18) I'm trying to get to 20, can you tell?
19) School reports were out this week. I cannot ask for anything more from any of my kids other than they try their hardest and that's what they sound like they are doing. I'm such a proud Mum!
20) I made it, here's just a couple of pictures:

Doctors Week

I had planned on updating sooner than this but life got in the way.

Where to begin....? Oh yes, we've all been poorly or under the care of medical professionals in one way or another. All except Matthew who seems to be just fine.

First off, last Wednesday began a case of my worst ever water infection. Yep, one I couldn't shake off. Normally, I feel it starting and can get rid of it with a couple of pints of water or squash within a day but not this time. Full blown cystitis. Pain, discomfort, constant feeling full in the bladder was not my favourite way to spend the week! I've never had it that bad. I couldn't manage to stand for a few seconds without the discomfort and I'd never had it so bad I was losing blood. By the weekend, I was feeling a little better, I could actually walk for 10 minutes in a block. Sitting down was ok, but that gravity thing was a killer. Finally, yesterday was the first day I have felt normal.

I've been expecting to have a water infection for a while. A few weeks back I was on the verge of going to the Doctor as I believed I was suffering from kidney pain. Miraculously, once I'd told myself I'd go on Monday if I didn't feel better by the third weekend, it cleared up like magic that weekend. I'm always on the lookout for any poor health. I don't know if it's because I am a mum to 3 boys with a diabetic husband or if I am just a bit over cautious.

They say Virgoan's (like I am, well, half am) are the hypochondriacs of the zodiac. Oh, let me tell ya, sometimes I am such a hypochondriac my hypochondria moods talk to me in the voice of Stewie Griffin.

But I'm good again now.

On Monday hubby went to the Doctor as he'd been getting a pain in his thigh which he describes as feeling like he's been kicked very hard (No, it isn't me doing it!) every morning for a few months and it's now getting more frequent. The doctor said it's probably nothing to worry about too much but it doesn't fall into anything he can pinpoint right away but it could be nerve damage though it's very rare to start there as it normally gets the hands before the legs. So we left none the wiser and the Doctor sent hubby off for blood tests which we are now awaiting the results of.

Speaking of blood tests, James's results were in at the CDC appointment and he appears very healthy. No concerns with his blood though his iron levels are a little low but nothing to worry about. We were then signed off for 5 months with no real direction of what will happen between now and then. So, I rang them up and explained I am not happy with the 5 month wait and I'd like to discuss the issue further with the doctor he saw. I am awaiting her call tomorrow. He needs help now, I'm sick of the waiting here and there, the school and the CDC need to work together, have an action plan and HELP him before he gets too far behind. I am also going to fight for the Dyspraxia diagnosis to make sure he gets help. I'm a woman on a mission.

Liam had a trip to the Doctors on Monday too. That was all 3 of my T men getting help the same day. He has had a wart on his knee for some time. It's been no problem until he bumped it at school last week and now he's aware of it. He kept trying to pick at it so we got a prescription to burn it off before it could become a problem for him or get infected.

So in a nutshell, it's been one of those weeks.

Diagnosis Coming

Next week James has a new appointment at the Childrens Development Center. It's a follow up to the Griffiths Test in which some of his results came back incredibly low. For some motor skills he is way down in the 1st percentile.

With his poor physical skills and delayed speech which started off all the concerns I am just waiting to be given an official diagnosis.

From what I've read in recent days and weeks, I am very much expecting him to be diagnosed with Dyspraxia.

Dyspraxia is a learning difficulty in which a person finds Co-ordination and movement skills difficult. Whilst most of us have no trouble doing regular things, the brain doesn't quite get the message it needs when someone suffers from Dyspraxia.

I've repeatedly looked through the symptoms and have no doubt in my mind that this may be where we are heading in future appointments.

He has so many of the tell tale traits it's unbelievable. As well as delayed speech the common "symptoms" include:

Movement and co-ordination

If your child has dyspraxia, they will have problems with movement and co-ordination. They may find the following difficult:

• playground activities such as hopping, jumping, running, and catching or kicking a ball (they often avoid joining in because of their lack of co-ordination and may be at risk of becoming unfit)
• games including shape-sorter toys, building blocks and jigsaw. (He's good at Lego as he persists but that is all)
• using scissors and colouring pens (their drawings may appear scribbled and more childish than they should be for their age)
• fine movements such as handwriting, tying shoelaces, doing up buttons and using a knife and fork
• keeping still (they may swing or move their arms and legs a lot and find it hard to sit still)
• walking up and down stairs
• getting dressed  (He often puts them on back to front and struggles with buttons)

Concentration and learning

If your child has dyspraxia, they will have difficulty concentrating and learning. They may:

• do better at school in a one-to-one situation than in a group, as they are able to be guided through work
• have a poor attention span, finding it difficult to concentrate on one thing for more than a few minutes
• not automatically pick up new skills and need encouragement and repetition to help them learn
• have problems with writing stories and copying from the blackboard

These problems can be upsetting for the child.

Persistent problems

As your child gets older, these problems may start to have a different effect on them. For example, problems with muscle movement may mean they:

• find PE (physical education) difficult
• cannot take part in team games, which may have an effect how well they make friends
• may be bullied for being ‘different’ or clumsy
• may avoid certain activities or subjects, such as drawing
• are more tired, as they have to use more energy than other children to complete the same activities 

Your child may also have low self-esteem (the way they feel about themselves) as a result of these problems. 

All of this are James' difficulties in written form.

We are making progress though. The school and I are working through some activities that will help him gain strength and confidence. Today I have bought a load of different sized pencils so he can practice his grip and control and a "colour and trace" book. So he gets to colour and practice staying in the lines then he can trace other pictures and words to get the hands to work in the right way. I get James to help with cooking. I make him use the whisk and chop fruit. We play snap so he gets used to turning over thin cards. Last week we went to the seaside and he got to play on the 2p slot machines. Again controlling small things and getting them into a small space to work.

I'm encouraging the jumping along the path, splashing in puddles at the weekend.

Repetition does seem to be the theme of the household.

Because James has the signs of this, I do feel that's why Liams nursery teachers are so pushy about him getting seen too. I don't think Liam has half the problems James does. I think they are looking too far into it.

Kids with Dyspraxia become adults with dyspraxia. He just needs that extra bit of help to get him to a better level and to help his confidence and strength.

We've just applied to be put on the waiting list for Occupational Therapy. They will help him get through the things he has difficulty with. They'll be able to assess him more and give him the help he needs.

I'm ok with all this. I just want to be able to HELP him myself. As I've said to the school and the Paeditrician at the CDC, I want to help but understand that I can't do everything for him. There's a difference between helping and encouraging him to dress and dressing him. It's something he needs to learn for himself.

So maybe next week, we'll know a little bit more. Dad's off on that trip this time so it may be a case of waiting for the next set of reports before I can say too much more.

Liam's Report, Progress and Future Plans

Today it is Liam's turn!

Hot off the press from the update for James, we got a new appointment letter for Liam to see the speech therapist. We go next Thursday, February 13th to see what the original speech therapy lady has to say. She was wonderful and gave me hope that with her assistance we would actually get somewhere with Liams speech difficulties.

Two months on, we finally heard back from the Rhyme Time group therapy. I hated every moment of those sessions. Talking to kids aged 4 and  5 like toddlers was belittling and I could not see what was being achieved.

In short the report states that Liam had a good level of understanding, listening and waiting turns. He was able to answer all questions confidentally but needed a little assistance clapping out syllables although he was pronouncing each syllable perfectly. For the general overall report he marked 3 out of 5 for the syllables and rhyming work and 4 out of 5 for listening and attention as he really wasn't that interested.

The recommend we carry on the syllable games and clapping at home which Liam is still reluctant to do and that we would be receiving an appointment from speech therapy shortly. Ironically, that appointment arrived a week before his actual report. Again, this proves my point on the organisation of this little group.

I'd be happy for Liam to have proper one on one speech help. I personally, think he still needs to make some sounds clearer. I still get confused sometimes as to what he means. Obviously as his mum I understand him alot more than others but I just want him to get that little bit of help and see how it goes. Liams key worker at nursery is on a course with the speech therapist that Liam sees next week so she can help him with exercises in school to help him.

At home, Liam has found a new feature on his 2DS. A voice changer! He has been having so much fun with that this week! It is encouraging him to sing and talk so he can hear himself and mess about with the sounds. He particularly loves the "helium" one. Funny boy!

I just want to help my little boys and make life easier for us all in the long run. I don't enjoy all these appointments, it feels like I am neglecting the other kids needs when I am spending more time with one over the others but hopefully there will be less appointments and more progress this year.

I think the school want to refer Liam to the Child Development Center like James but I will argue that one as I don't think there is a problem with anything Liam does beyond his speech. He is confident painting and writing, he knows his numbers to 20 and can already tell me a number of phonics. We play a numberplate game where Liam tells me the letters or sounds on the car and the numbers he can see. He seems very forward with it,

The school will be making a plan of action once we've heard from the next appointment and see where to go from there. I just hope it is all available in the school rather than here there and everywhere. I'm tired of all the running about for the sake of it.